My mom recently decided to see what was on
Life Today one morning (which she rarely does). She couldn't believe what was mentioned during the show (well, really she could believe it because things like this always seem to happen to us). The guest was Jennifer Rothschild, a gifted musician, and she mentioned babyloss. (You can watch the episode of
Life Today HERE if you're interested).
This is the story she told:
I settled into my desk chair to listen to the day's emails, and the first one I opened was from a young man named Greg. He and I were introduced several years earlier when he first wrote me with the sad news, "I have cancer and I have faith, and I don't know how to have both."
After a few months of corresponding, his cancer was in remission, and our e-mails grew fewer and fewer.
That particular summer day though, the first line of his e-mail read, "The cancer's back, and I'm afraid."
I was so sad for Greg. My first response was, "O God, why?" I went to the next e-mail. It was from a woman who had been at one of my conferences a few weeks earlier. At the conference, she was pregnant. She wrote to tell me her baby had been born - stillborn - and she was devastated. So was I.
My tears began to fall. "God, why?"
I left my computer and went to my piano with more questions than answers and a heart heavy with compassion and helplessness. As I began to play, wondering why God allows these things, I glanced Heavenward and asked, "Why cancer? Why stillborn babies? Why blindness? It seems so unfair."
Suddenly the shadow of the Cross fell on my questions. As I saw that place of ultimate unfairness through my tears, my question was no longer, "Why suffering," but rather, "Why grace? Why peace? Why love?"
When I am tempted to ask why, as if the existence of pain is an unfairness in this life, I need only to look to the Cross, where true unfairness and the ultimate unanswered question remains. Why does God grant us grace, forgiveness, peace, love? It's not fair that we should receive such benevolence from Him.
As a result of my contemplation, I wrote these lyrics to remind me to embrace the mystery of faith rather than allow the unanswered questions to keep me from intimacy with God - to help me embrace what I can't understand, and in doing so, encounter Him.
That's what I want for Greg in his renewed struggle with cancer, for the precious woman who lost her baby, and for you too, whatever your hurts and unanswered questions might be today.
Isn't it amazing that one of the few days my mom tuned it, this was on? She told me about the beautiful song that Jennifer sang on the show and I just had to find it.
Jennifer Rothschild is completely blind, which she handles with such grace. I feel so drawn to this woman, her song, and her message. Then it occurred to me why... she has truly experienced and known suffering. These words are not empty, from someone whose known little heartache. God is speaking powerfully through her because of what she has endured and continues to endure.
It got me thinking... when we are given a heavy load in life to carry, like Jennifer's blindness, cancer, or the loss of a baby, or whatever it may be, God is able to use us in a special way. We are able to testify to His goodness and mercy, even in the midst of trials, heartache, and despair. The Lord can work whatever it is you are going through into a beautiful tribute for His glory. What an amazing opportunity to be used by God!
I truly can't imagine being blind. Many people have said to me they can't imagine losing a baby. Here's the thing... God gives us the strength and grace to face things we could never imagine facing. And He gives it to us
the moment we need it, not a second too soon or too late. Trust that He is sufficient for you and He will carry you through whatever you may face in this life.
We don't have to have all the answers as to "why" He allows certain things to happen. We never will understand everything this side of Heaven. I will never know fully why Lily died before she drew her first breath. However, no matter what we may experience in this life, both the good and the bad,
God knows why. And we can rest in His love and care. We can rest in the truth that He holds the whole world in His hands and He is always good and always desires what's best for us, His children.
Instead of dwelling on why Lily died and why I must carry the grief of losing my daughter for the rest of my life... I choose to abide in the shadow of the Cross. Why did God choose to rescue me from my sin and darkness? Why did God choose to write such a beautiful story of LIFE and redemption? Why did God make a way for me to spend Eternity with Lily?! I may never see her grow up on earth, but I know that my future and my hope is in Heaven. And that is where I will find both Lily and Luke awaiting me. I will never understand why God made a way for me, a sinner, to be with Him forever.
In your own heartaches and "whys," allow the shadow of the Cross to fall on your lingering questions.
One day soon, everything will be made NEW. There will be no more whys. No more pain.
You can listen to Jennifer Rothschild sing "
Take Me to the Cross" below. I've also shared the lyrics. You can get a FREE download of this song
HERE!
He said the cancer's back and he's afraid
He wonders why
So do I.
Now his greatest battle is against his fear
It's so unclear
He wonders why.
The God who heals
Won't reveal Himself
In ways we understand.
She said her baby never had a chance to breathe
So she grieves
So do I.
She struggles with the bitterness and loss
While she looks to the Cross
And she cries.
In the mystery we trust, we adjust, and wonder why.
Oh, take me to the Cross where You cried my tears
Hide me in Your tomb, crucify my fears.
I'll praise You with my pain though the mystery remains
You are a God who cries, You are a Saviour who died
And I can trust You with why.
So I travel down this bumpy road called faith
And with blind eyes,
I still try
To embrace all that I can't understand
Like Your kind plan, Your merciful plan.
I'm not angered, I am anchored.
Yet I feel weightless, I am hateless.
Since You took me to the Cross and cried each of my tears.
Hid me in Your tomb, crucified my fears.
I praise You with my pain though the mystery remains
You are a God who cries, You are a Saviour who died
And I will trust You with why.
I'll ask You why, why, this grace?
Why this peace?
Why, why, this love?
I praise You with my pain though the mystery remains
You are a God who cries, You are a Saviour who died
And I can trust You with why.
"We have depended on God's grace, not on our own human wisdom."
-2 Corinthians 1:12
