The God Who Restores

I look back on my life and see the things that were painful for me were the very instruments God used to bring me to Himself. I was bullied in middle school and my freshman year of high-school, felt extremely self-conscious, and just never "fit in." I see God's fingerprint through all those years of awkward adolescence, when I didn't feel His presence, but can now clearly see He was there through it all.

He brought me to a place, after my freshman year, where I was longing for truth and beauty and something beyond what I saw all around me. I didn't even know what I was looking for, but my heart was wounded and was in a place where I was wide open for the Lord. That's why I can say I thank Him now for allowing those things into my life because He knew how He would redeem it and use it for my good and His glory. He knew He would use it so I would be in a place where I could hear His voice beckoning me to come to Him.

That is when He led my mom and I into a Christian book store in Clayton, NC and I stumbled upon the book, "Authentic Beauty" by Leslie Ludy.

I had never heard of the Ludys before and honestly don't know exactly what drew me to the book. I vividly recall being in that store on that summer day in August 2004. I had just turned 15 that month and was soon to start my sophomore year of high-school. I must have been intrigued by the cover of the book. If you'll notice, there is a beautiful lily on the cover that is delicately blooming. Leslie talks about in her book about being a "lily among thorns," meaning living as a set-apart godly young woman in a world that mocks all things pure and lovely.

By that point in my life, I felt like there were no guys in the world that truly treasure girls, and that they only use them for their selfish pleasure. I felt worthless. In that loneliness, pain, and heartache, God whispered to me, through the book "Authentic Beauty," that He would love me in a way that no man on Earth ever could. That His love is authentic, pure, good, and true. He romanced my heart through the chapters in this book. With the turn of each new page, my heart was awakening to the beauty of a life lived fully surrendered to Jesus Christ.

In her book, Leslie details the experiences from when she was a teenager, many of which I related to. Because of her painful and challenging years, she was able to speak to me when I was in a similar place in my life. I remember poring over this book when I went with my family to Massanutten Resort in Virginia, something we've done nearly every year for vacation since I was a baby. I was writing in my journal, reading this book, praying and feeling Jesus so near, and just being with Him. He was healing me and showing me my worth to Him and in Him. Leslie introduced me to Jesus Christ in a way I had never known Him before. I literally fell in love with Jesus. He captivated my heart and I knew that I could never turn back. I knew I was changed by a love so divine that I could not go on as if I didn't know it was real. Not that I would ever want to.

...However, as we know from what happened in my life in the years that followed my reading this book, I slowly let go of my relationship with the Lord. I never saw it coming, I didn't even know what was happening until it had already happened. It reminds me of a Casting Crowns song that says, "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, it's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day, it's a slow fade." I recommend listening to the entire song either below or by clicking HERE.

It's not like people plan on spiraling into a life of depression and sin, but if we are not vigilant in guarding and cultivating our relationship with the Lord, the enemy and the world can sneak in. That's what happened to me... the world seduced teenage-me. I take responsibility for my actions and the choices I made, but I do also see how some of the things that happened have reasons (not excuses) behind them.

Some people have asked my mom and I how if I were truly a Christian, how could I have ever made the choices I did. They assume my relationship with the Lord must not have been "real." I assure you, it was. And that is why I believe that I am living for the Lord today (more on that later). As I have thought about it over the years and contemplated myself why I was susceptible to falling into sin, I believe part of the reason was the culture's influence on me. Let's be honest, it's not exactly easy for young people these days to live for Jesus, especially when they are floundering on their own and don't have the necessary tools and support to live set-apart for Him. And it's exactly as the song says, a slow fade. It doesn't happen overnight, but gradually over time, you can find yourself in a place you never imagined you'd be. I believe that anyone in the world is capable of sinning in ways they never would imagine, given the right (or shall I say wrong) circumstances. Who are we to say we wouldn't have chosen different sins that we look down on with such intensity, if we had the same upbringing and circumstances as the people who chose those things? It is truly only by God's mercy that we haven't made devastating and life-altering choices and that we are living for Him. It is His grace that saves us and keeps us.

Anyways, fast forward to the summer of 2009, in the month of August when I had just turned 20 and was in my first trimester of my pregnancy with Lily. The Lord was drawing my heart back to Himself and giving me the courage to choose life for my baby. I knew in my heart (because I fully believe He showed me so that I would connect to my child) that she was a little girl and her name was Lily. He showed me that she was to be a symbol of my renewed purity and redemption in Christ (both Lily and Katherine mean "purity and innocence.") He showed me that He could wash away all the sins that I was ashamed and regretful of. She was not a sin.

I knew in my heart that the God of the Universe was knitting together a very special little girl, quietly hidden within my womb. Jesus supernaturally intervened in my heart and life and used her life to bring me back to Him. Lily was the bridge between my Savior and I. She changed my heart, she changed the road I was walking on, she changed my future, she changed everything...rather, Jesus changed everything through her life. I treasure her name. To me, it is not simply a pretty name. The flower and name are so meaningful and significant to me.

The Lord was giving me hope for her future, my future, and showing me that He had a plan and purpose for her precious life.

Over the years, as I have thought about how I read "Authentic Beauty" when I was 15, I have wrestled with feelings of regret and wishing I could do things over. I should have known better. Instead of harping on what could have been had I not chosen what I did and had I remained close to the Lord, I instead thank Him for His great redemption plan. I thank Him for leading me to that book because as I said, I believe it is part of the reason why I am now living for the Lord. You see, if I didn't know His love and was satisfied in the worldly life I was living, I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong with the choices I was making. I thank Him that He allowed me to be utterly miserable without Him! I knew what I was missing. I wouldn't have turned back to Him because I wouldn't have turned to Him in the first place. I knew that He was The Way, The Truth, and The Life, even in my sin. I didn't deny Him, but rebelled against Him and His plan for my life. However, because of how He captivated my heart when I was 15, I knew His voice and was drawn back to Him when I was 20.

Both of the times when He worked so mightily in my life were in the month of August. The month He brought my life into the world was the month He brought me to life in Him. My birth month is my re-birth month.

I looked up the meaning of the word "restore" and it said: replenish, repair so as to return to its original condition.

The Lord has shown me through the cover of this book that He can, has, and will continue to restore me. He will take me back to who I was when I first read it, meaning I am not damaged or un-restorable like I have felt. He used my Lily to bring me back full circle, to the time when I read the book with the lily on it, to the time before the mistakes and when He captivated my heart completely. It's all almost too deep for me to fully wrap my mind around and articulate. It's not too late. It's never too late for Him to restore, friends.

He can restore those years of my life and make it as if those things never happened. Not that I could ever forget Lily or Luke or that I'd want to forget them or the things I've learned through my experiences, but I can forget the pain and shame associated with my memories and experiences. He can restore our lives, our hearts, our relationship with Him and others, even the things that feel they are too wounded or damaged.

Years after the time I wrote it, I was reading through an old journal from when I was 16 and was struck by something I wrote and the faithfulness of the Lord. Perhaps He wanted me to one day look back and see His hand... I asked the Lord to never let go of me, even if I let go of Him. I don't know why I wrote this, but am amazed that I did and that He didn't let go. What undeserved love.

It reminds me of a quote I read that says: "O God, take my heart, for I cannot give it; and when Thou hast it, keep it, for I cannot keep it for Thee." -Fenelon

It also reminds me of another quote that says: "Your faith will not fail while God sustains it; you are not strong enough to fall away while God is resolved to hold you." -J.I. Packer

Lord, thank You for keeping my heart. Please continue holding fast to me. I am more thankful than I could ever describe because you love and saved a wretch like me.

Read a post on The Gospel Coalition blog that I love: "God Can Restore Your Lost Years."

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Life and the Protection of it

I realize what I am about to write is not politically correct, yet it must be discussed nonetheless. 

There was a precious bird's nest in our garage with the tiniest baby birds I've ever seen. The nest was so elaborate and beautiful and it was obvious that the parents spent lots of time preparing it and making it just right. Last night, my brother was walking through the garage and looked in to see the birds, only to find a giant snake wrapped around the helmet the bird's nest was in. We were all devastated to hear that a snake had eaten these tiny, defenseless baby birds. Why am I sharing this? 

Well, it's got me thinking. Anyone who reads this can agree that it's sad what happened to these baby birds. But, that's just it...they were just baby birds. Do we feel the same amount of sadness when we hear about babies being aborted in a Planned Parenthood right down the road from us? Or have we grown accustomed to it? Do we suffer from depraved indifference? 

I saw this picture on facebook yesterday and it goes along with this.

What sort of a world is it that protects the forests, the eagles, the whales, yet legally disposes of human life? The same people that passionately fight for the protection of whales, at the same time are just as passionate about "women's rights." Yes, they are all part of God's creation. Yet, they are just animals and nature. They are not created in the very image of God, like precious unborn babies.

In the latest Set Apart Girl online magazine, there is an article called "When Going Green Goes Too Far."  (I highly recommend reading this!) Leslie Ludy talks about how two girls outside of Whole Foods were stopping each person to tell them about 50 whales off the coast of Japan who they were fighting to rescue. How ironic that people get so passionate about the rescue of animals, yet they forget the 163 million orphans around the world, the little girls forced into slave prostitution in Cambodia and South America, and the 1.2 million babies aborted in this country alone each year!

Have you gotten caught up in what the culture says about "saving the planet" that you are exalting creation over Creator? Have you allowed your heart to grow cold to abortion because you've gotten so accustomed to it? May this not be so!! Ask God to break your heart for what breaks His and make your heart beat as one with His. May we fight for these helpless ones!! May we not rest until they are protected!

"We need to get our priorities straight. We need to start living according to God's value system, rather than give our lives to the causes the world deems important." ~Leslie Ludy

Have you hopped on the "save-the-planet" bandwagon? God has bigger, more important battles for us to fight. This world is not our home (see Hebrews 11:13, 16 and 1 Peter 2:11.) Everything in this world is passing away, as it says in 1 Corinthians 7:31. All the whales and nature are temporal matters. Now, just to be clear, I am not saying we should be intentionally cruel or irresponsible, but we must get our priorities straight! The things of this world are passing away, yet the human souls are eternal! May we set our minds and hearts on eternal things! We are to set our mind on things above, not on earthly things. (see Colossians 3:2.)

"Nothing could ever matter to me again but the things that were eternal." ~Amy Carmichael

"I have no desire to see whales, or any other animals, harmed. But I also know that I am not called to give my life, time, and energy to the cause of whales, but to the cause of Christ." ~Leslie Ludy

"Of course, during the time we are temporarily on this earth, we should be considerate of what God has given us. There is no reason to trash and pollute the planet or disregard the lives of animals just because our citizenship is in Heaven. Christians who act this way are only living selfishly and failing to represent the nature of Christ." ~Leslie Ludy

God has given us stewardship over this earth and His creation and we are to take care of it. So, don't misquote me. However, may we keep things in perspective and always ask ourselves if we love creation or our Creator more. Are our hearts set on merely the here and now or eternity?

Jesus Himself gave His very life to rescue eternal souls.

"Paul said, 'For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified."'-1 Corinthians 2:2 If you make your life all about Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, your life will naturally be built around the right priorities. He will cause your burden for lost souls to be far greater than your burden for sick dolphins."  ~Leslie Ludy

I encourage you to listen to this message by Eric Ludy, called The Poison of Political Correctness. 

(be sure to pause the music at the bottom of this blog before watching)

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Are vampire movies really harmless?

Playing with Darkness
the danger of taking evil lightly

"A pure heart is one to which all that is not of God is strange and jarring." -Tauler

Everybody is aware of the recent fascination with the movie, Twilight, mostly among young girls. But, even guys and older women are seemingly obsessed with it. But, is there really even such a thing as a wholesome, God-honoring, harmless vampire movie? There is lots of speculation and debate over the movie, even among Christians. There are also multiple shows, books, and other movies about vampires. It is an extremely popular movement right now. I even saw something on 20/20 a couple nights ago about people that truly think they are vampires! The real question we need to ask though, is what does God think about it? It truly doesn't matter what we think in light of that. Is it worth it to separate ourselves from Him for a couple of hours of entertainment? It is so easy to be sucked into the culture's agenda and be bamboozled by whatever it tells us. Something about the dark and dangerours vampire figure attracts us. But, Proverbs 4:23 instructs us: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." This Scripture has been embedded upon my heart and mind this past week. When engaging in the movies, music, books, magazines, and other sources of entertainment, are we guarding our hearts? It is so crucial because it is the most delicate part of us...It is the wellspring of life! And it is the hardest thing to heal and restore. That's why the Lord wants to protect us and tells us to guard our hearts. He knows what He's talking about, so let's listen to Him!

I have been pondering and thinking about this movie quite a lot lately, as well as other entertainment choices in my own life. It's hard not to think about this movie, considering it comes up in practically every other sentence in nearly every conversation. So, take some time to read the following excerpt from Leslie Ludy's online magazine and let me know what you think about the topic. I recommend reading the entire article, but I've included the parts that talk about Twilight specifically. I definitely think it's something that deserves to be thought about and discussed, especially for those that are claiming to want to live for Christ. Everything we allow into our eyegates and eargates will impact us. So, let's put aside our own thoughts about it and get down to what Twilight really is and whether or not it's God honoring. That's all that matters...





Leslie Ludy's Online Magazine

"I believe the majority of American Christians today are far too careless toward darkness and evil. Pop-culture floods our minds and senses with things that are not of God. But for most of us, the glamorized sin that surrounds us is not strange and jarring. It’s normal and accepted. In fact, we go out of our way to enjoy and participate in it. We spend a huge amount of our time and money on it. We allow it to capture our mind, emotions, and attention; then we wonder why our lives are filled with fear, anxiety, defeat, and depression.

Take, for instance, the recent vampire movie, Twilight.

Countless Christian young women have claimed this movie as a healthy, God-honoring form of entertainment. “It’s such a pure and beautiful love story!” proclaim the throngs of Christ-professing girls who flocked to the movie on opening night and snatched up the DVD as soon as it hit the video stores.

Loads of Christian movie review websites praise Twilight as a wholesome love story. Youth pastors and Christian influencers alike have lauded it as a harmless and even edifying flick. Twilight (from all I’ve heard) is a sweet and artistically portrayed love story that doesn’t show graphic images of the vampires “doing their vampire thing.” So it doesn’t surprise me that Christian young women are falling for it left and right.

But here is the question that no one seems to be asking. . .is there really such a thing as a pure, wholesome and God-honoring vampire movie? Pop-culture has been obsessed with vampire movies for the past decade or so. Some are bloody and gory, some, like Twilight, are far more subtle. Movies like Twilight make the idea of vampires seem hip and harmless. But are vampire movies really harmless?

I recently got a little history lesson on the origin of vampires. What I found out was nothing short of utterly repulsive.

The very first vampire story (Dracula) was originally inspired by the real-life demonic antics of a man named Vlad the Impaler – a Romanian ruler in the 1400’s.

Wikipedia says,

The atrocities commited by Vlad in the German stories include impaling, torturing, burning, skinning, roasting, and boiling people, feeding people the flesh of their friends or relatives, cutting off limbs, drowning, and nailing people's hats to their heads. Also in these stories, his victims included men and women of all ages, religions, and social classes, children and babies. One German account includes the following sentence: "He caused so much pain and suffering that even the most bloodthirstiest persecutors of Christianity like Herodes, Nero, Diocletian and all other pagans combined hadn't even thought of."

The article goes on to describe Vlad’s preferred means of torture and execution (impalement) in shocking and deeply disturbing detail. Vlad’s Romanian surname "Drăculea" means "Son of the Dragon" and is derived from his father's title, Vlad the Devil. The word "Dracul" means "the Devil" in modern Romanian and the suffix "-lea" can be translated as "son of".

In other words, Vlad, the original vampire, in name and in deed, was “the son of the devil.”

Fiction writers and Hollywood have morphed and modified vampire stories to include all kinds of variations from the original Dracula. But the bottom line is that vampires stories glorify evil and darkness. They originated from something horribly perverse and demonic. And no matter how a movie like Twilight might try to gloss over the demonic side – it’s still there. No matter how pure the love story may be, a vampire movie cannot be God-honoring.

Most of us who have grown up in church don’t consider ourselves vulnerable to witchcraft or Satan-worship. But sometimes we overlook things that seem “harmless” but are, in reality, associated with the kingdom of darkness. Anything that we allow into our lives that is associated with witchcraft or the occult opens a wide door for the enemy to gain access to our hearts, minds, and bodies, and to block the spiritual blessings Christ has for us. Something as seemingly innocent as reading your horoscope in the newspaper is actually not innocent at all – it is participating in the occult practice of fortune telling. Movies about séances, vampires, or communicating with dead people might seem like no big deal – especially if you “don’t really believe in it”. But watching those movies is, in essence, participating in the occult practice of “calling up the dead” or the demonic practice of brutal torture and blood-drinking.

The Bible makes it clear that there can be no fellowship between light and darkness. (see 2 Cor 6:14) In the book of Acts when the Gospel of Christ was preached, those who believed “came and openly confessed their evil deeds. A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly.” (Acts 19:18-19 NKJV)

If there is any object or activity in our life that is associated with darkness, the appropriate way to deal with it is to destroy it completely, as they did in Acts. Here’s the rule of thumb that works best for me: “when in doubt, don’t mess with it.”

God provides amazing strength, blessings, and freedom for each of us. But in order for us to walk in His light, He requires His sons and daughters to live by a sacred decorum; to come out from the world and be separate, and touch not the unclean thing. We are to ruthlessly remove all uncleanness, all darkness (no matter how small) from our lives. As set-apart young women, there is not even to be a hint of these things in our daily existence.

How do we live this kind of holy, upright, God-honoring life? Not by instigating rules and formulas for ourselves. Not by joining a nunnery or becoming a back-woods hermit. Rather, by yielding to the transforming, supernaturally enabling power of Christ in us. By allowing Him to completely re-make us from the inside out. By submitting ourselves fully and completely to His transforming work. By taking every thought captive and meditating upon the things of light rather than the things of darkness.

When we yield our bodies to become the holy, undefiled dwelling place of the Most High God, He comes and makes His home within us. When we allow Him to remove everything carnal, dark, sinful and selfish that stands in the way, that’s when He enables us to live a strong, fortified, victorious life; unharmed and unhampered by the enemy."

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"He who walks righteously and speaks uprightly.. who stops his ears from hearing of bloodshed and shuts his eyes from seeing evil, he will dwell on high; his place of defense will be the fortress of rocks; bread will be given him, his water will be sure." -Isaiah 33:15-16

"Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you." -Luke 10:19

"Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things." -Philippians 4:8

• "By filling her mind with darkness, she was leaving herself wide open for the prince of darkness to wreak havoc upon her soul and subconscious."

• "And when we bathe our thoughts in evil instead of good, we might as well hang a sign over the door of our mind that says, “Darkness welcome here!”

• "I asked God to overtake my mind and govern my thought life, granting me the grace to “take every thought captive.” And I made a focused effort to fill my mind with light instead of darkness every moment of the day moment of the day or night. This meant a purification process of the music I listened to, the movies I watched, the conversations I participated in, and the books I read. Anything that caused my mind to think about evil, darkness, tragedy or death – no matter how “mild” it seemed – was to be ruthlessly removed from my life."

• "I discovered the secret to fearless, peaceful, victorious living when I learned how to meditate upon light rather than darkness.

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I also recommend reading the blog Vampire Craze-True Woman. It's worth the read, so go check it out! We need to be aware of and ready to discuss this with others. Let me know your thoughts on it!!

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