Showing posts with label what March means to me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what March means to me. Show all posts

Saturday, November 5, 2016

We Praise Him in This Storm

My grandmother told me the following story a few months ago (around Lily's birthday this year) for the first time... On the morning of Tuesday, March 16th, 2010, she received the anticipated call, telling her I was in labor, only to learn with the next breath that Lily Katherine had gone on to be with the Lord. She had to drive somewhere shortly after hearing this news, and it was then she heard the Casting Crowns song, "Praise You In This Storm" for the first time on the radio. She said she pulled over and was crying and praying and felt the Lord comforting her with His sovereignty.

I shared this photo a few days ago, but didn't know the whole story, so am sharing it again. :)

On October 31st, it was the last day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and I'd posted something here on my blog about a sunset reflection. Her first great-granddaughter was heavy on her heart and in her thoughts. She "happened" to be driving on that same road and a gorgeous, breathtaking sunset greeted her in almost the exact same spot she listened to that song on Lily's birthday. She pulled over to watch it unfold across the Virginia sky, with Humpback Rock in the distance. Yet again, she was reminded of the Lord's love and the promise of knowing He is in control and has a plan beyond what we can now see.



"And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"
-Casting Crowns



I'm glad she shared that story with me and will hold it in my heart. I like (for lack of a better word) to hear the perspective of each friend and family member that remembers Lily's day of birth. I was in my own world that day and want to know everything I can about that day from everyone.

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Sunday, March 31, 2013

Goodbye Bittersweet March

The month of March will officially be over in less than half an hour...this month has flown by. It feels like I was just posting my "Well, it's March" post on the first day of the month.

I have mixed feelings about it ending...in one sense, I feel like I can now breathe a sigh of relief. March is hard on me. It is emotionally really difficult to relive all the significant dates from March 2010.

On the other hand, March truly has a very special place in my heart. It is hard, yes, but it is beautiful...it is her month. And somehow living in it makes me feel somehow closer to her. She feels right here. Though it's tough, that is not something I would ever give up. I want to feel her near. I am so thankful she has a special day all her own that we can celebrate.

It's bittersweet...that's the perfect word.

I will miss her month. Though, it will be good to not feel the fog for a while. Next time March rolls around, Lily would be 4! Time just keeps marching by.

This month has been busy. All the anniversary dates...Lily's due date, her birthday, the day of her Celebration of LIFE Service and burial, St. Patrick's Day, and Easter just to name a few...

So many amazing things have happened in the month of March for Lily's birth month. I got the official letter saying I am speaking at my first Pregnancy Center Banquet in Illinois in October, I ordered Lily's headstone, I was asked by the Founder of Huntsville Right to Life to share my story on their website, now Lily's name will be in the credits of Return to Zero...and something else super exciting (which I will be sharing tomorrow hopefully).

And I have some other amazing news from this month! My BROTHER, Joseph, is ENGAGED...to my BEST FRIEND, Kala!! I thought Easter would be the perfect day to share this exciting news because their God-written love story is a beautiful story of redemption and grace! We are all thrilled! I already said my "official title" is Maid of Honor/Best Woman. ;)

It's been a beautiful and special month of celebration, remembrance, opened doors, and new seasons beginning.

I love you so much, Lily! My precious March flower...

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Friday, March 1, 2013

Well, it's March...

The month of
is here.

Her month

Her birthday is in two weeks. I miss her so. I was thinking about what I could write today, but then realized that I have already said much of what I'm already feeling in a March post in 2011 (the month of March) and another post in 2012 (what March means to me). 

I think I will always experience many of the same feelings each year as her month rolls around. When I first opened my eyes this morning to March 1st and realized what's upon me, I felt a heaviness settle in...

But I can honestly say it doesn't feel quite as hard as it did the first two years. I suppose, however, I never know what to expect from day to day. The way I'm feeling can change so much in an instant. That's why I am choosing to not focus on my feelings, but to focus on the fact that the Lord is good and Lily's LIFE was a beautiful gift that I will celebrate this month! 

Will you celebrate her with me? :)

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Saturday, November 3, 2012

Spoken Word Blog

I am participating in the Second Annual Spoken Word Blog Round-Up that Angie at still life with circles is hosting. It's my first year taking part and I'm really excited about it. 

The idea behind it is to pick a blog post that was written within the past year and read it aloud on camera to post and share with others. I think it's an incredible idea for the babyloss community because it connects us in a way we haven't been connected before. I have been reading some of these blogs of the people who are participating for a couple years and am quite accustomed to their "written voice." But, it's so special to put a real voice and face to the name and written voice. So when I think of their precious babies, I can think of what they really look like. We all have a specific written voice and personality and it's fun to see how their real voice lines up with what we imagined. 

In reading what someone wrote, it can be easy to read it the way we think it should sound, but when the one who wrote it reads it, we hear it for how it was truly intended.

This is what Angie said about the project:

"I love hearing writers read their words, and blogs suffer from an immediacy problem. Our feelings are temporary, we capture them in a post, we move on. But I don't want you to move on. Some of the best essays I have been privileged to read have come out of this community of writers and readers. And I don't know, I would love to hear them read by the person who wrote them.

...for this project, I am asking bloggers to read through their blog and pick a piece that they think would translate well into spoken word. Tell us why you chose it, if you want. And then, read it for a microphone or camera. Like we are doing a reading. You can even drink coffee and play the bongos if you are so inclined."

After looking back over my posts from the past year, I narrowed it down to two that I couldn't choose between. So why not share both? :) Both posts were written when I was really missing Lily and I feel I captured that well through my words. I don't want to forget those feelings. I want to share them with others to give them a glimpse into my grief and love for my girl. Over two and a half years after losing Lily, this is how I'm feeling...

I'm going to be honest when I say this is really intimidating. It's a bit awkward to record myself on a camera to share with the world, especially when I'm sharing something so personal. But, I am going to just do it! Because this is such a powerful thing to be a part of. It is simply amazing to hear the hearts of those sharing.

I encourage you to do the same. Please join me and the others participating by clicking here. I'd love to "meet" you in a new, beautiful way! I am hoping to comment on each video posted and would love to hear your thoughts on mine! Thank you to everyone who is sharing...it is a joy to hear you share your hearts and your babies. And a special thank you to Angie for hosting this! :)

Both of these videos are my first attempts at recording, so I stumbled over my words a couple times. But, I wanted to capture that authenticity and not making it too perfect. Alright...here we go! 

motherhood and tears



what March means to me



Thank you for watching!

Love and hugs,
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