Lily and Skylar in the Paper

My friend Shannon sent me this. It was in her local paper this week. It's an article on my recent visit to her town to speak at her church. 😊 💕 🌸  #LilysLegacy #LilyandSkylar #bereavedmothers

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The Butterfly Awards Finalist

I'm a proud mommy! I recently shared that I was nominated for and am now on the shortlist for the Author/Blogger International award category at The Butterfly Awards. They celebrate those who make a difference in the babyloss community. The finalists were made public this week. 💕 #LilysLegacy

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Even While I Sleep

I came across these words on an article I was reading on the Revive Our Hearts blog last night:

"God has cared for us meticulously from before birth. Psalm 139:13 says, "For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb." While our mothers slept, God knit together the intricate patterns of our eyes, ears, noses, mouths, and skin..."

While I was reading an article that had nothing to do with baby loss, these words caused tears to well up in my eyes thinking deeply of my sweet baby girl. Pondering how God created her every perfectly formed detail. Remembering that it is He who crafted her life and legacy. While I slept, He knit her together. Those precious little eyelashes and nails growing out were made by His fingerprint. My body was but a vessel used to house His masterpiece. While I was sleeping... unaware and uninvolved.

He showed me that I am to rest in knowing her legacy is the same as her very form... crafted by Him, even while I am unaware and uninvolved. It's not up to me to knit together her legacy any more than it was up to me to knit her together within me. I am merely the vessel. My body was what He used to bring forth her body and now my heart and words are the vessel to bring forth her legacy... even while I sleep... even while she sleeps. 💕

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The Butterfly Awards Nomination

I'm honored to have been nominated (and now shortlisted) for the Author/Blogger International award category at The Butterfly Awards (where they celebrate those who make a difference in the babyloss community) in the U.K.!

"She keeps a beautiful, inspirational blog and fearlessly speaks about her precious daughter Lily Katherine. It gives me and no doubt many other mothers the strength to keep sparking about their babies who have passed and for those of us who are religious the comfort to know God has a plan for us and for our babies too." 💕 #LilysLegacy

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Like Fireworks 💥

"We live and we die like fireworks." ~Sleeping At Last 💥

Doesn't that aptly describe Lily's life and death? Fireworks shoot across the sky and are gone just as suddenly. Yet they make us gasp in awe and wonder. Just like Lily, who lit up my world with beauty and brilliant color. ✨ ❤️ 🇺🇸 💙 💫 🎆  #myAmericangirl #lifeisbeautiful

My sweet friend Chloé in New Zealand wrote Lily's name with sparklers!

Lily's special spot decorated for Independence Day

If you are interested in writing your baby's name (or anything else) with sparklers, here is an article to help:

How to Photograph Writing With Sparklers

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Handmade Mother's Day Cards

A little project I did this year in Lily's honor for Mother's Day was to make handmade cards for some people who the day is bittersweet for... most of them were for mothers who have lost babies and don't have any living children (*still* mothers like me, who hold a special place in my heart... this may be the only Mother's Day card or wishes they'll receive), mothers who do have living children as well as babies in Heaven and I am close with or this was the first year without their little one, a friend who is a birthmother who placed her son for adoption, friends who lost their mothers, and those who always wanted children but are not at the age where they most likely will never have them, and friends who are battling infertility. In Lily's memory, I wanted to send some love and light to these precious people. Card-making is something I got into while I was carrying Lily, so it's a craft that makes me feel close to her. I wish I could send one to everyone I know! #LilysLegacy #handmadewithlove #snailmail 💕 

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Her Legacy Expands

My friend Niki sent me this picture a few days ago of these lovely lilies and wrote: "Saw these beautiful lilies at work taking the kids on a walk! I shared your Lily's story with my Co-Therapist! Her legacy expands! 😊 " 

I also want to share something I meant to blog about that this same friend shared with me a couple months ago... She told me she was planning for a parenting seminar she had to present and was creating a role play for parents to practice a skill with using positive reinforcement and decided to use my Lily's name in her role play. She told a group of parents that they can say something such as, "Lily, I am so proud of you for putting your blocks away, now let's go do something you'd like to do!" She said her heart smiled using my girl's name on purpose! Isn't this so sweet? ❤️

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Lily Touching the Heart of a Father

A father left me this touching comment about Lily Katherine's song: "I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful song. I actually heard this while I was in the hospital after my little girl Lillian was born. I don't think I've ever cried so much as when I heard this. I couldn't imagine."

There's something special about these words coming from a man. I guess with the birth of his own daughter, with a similar name, he connected that much more with it.   #LilysLegacy

Listen to Lily's song below (it was a gift from my friend, Heather for Lily's 4th birthday in 2014).

Email subscribers click here.

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An Encouragement to Keep Sharing

Emails like this one from a newly bereaved mother are a reminder as to why I openly share my mother heart, and a reminder that there are way more positives than negatives in doing so:

"It is heartwarming and encouraging to read your blog. I'm sure you are touching the lives of many people in positive ways. I happen to be one of those individuals.... I just wanted you to know I came across your blog. I've been reading it for a few weeks now. It's the only resource I've found so far, by someone who really understands, that is still current; evidence that life does move forward and can be positive, happy again. THANK YOU! You are truly a blessing from God...." ❤️  #LilysLegacy

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Baby Names in the Snow ❄️❤️❄️

Over the weekend, I took advantage of the infrequent Carolina snowfall and wrote baby names in the snow... 210 of them to be exact (not including my two L's).

These names are of children of Heaven who are missed every day by their families here. Their names mean they existed and they are important. For the bereaved parent, out baby's name is one of the only things we have left of them, and we treasure it.

It means more than words could ever say to me when others speak, write, or type Lily's name, so I wanted to do a little something for some of the parents I've connected with over the years. To let them know their baby is thought of and remembered by others too.

I know there is no way I could have remembered everyone, so if I didn't write your baby's name, I apologize. I wrote until it got too dark, I got too tired, and the snow melted.

It's sad to think of the loss represented by each of these beautiful names...

The white snow matches/reflects their innocence and purity. ❄️❤️❄️  #LilysLegacy #sanctityoflife

I wish I had the time/energy/snow to write the names of each and every baby missed, but since I can't, I wanted to share a photo for any bereaved parent who wants it. It's based on the book "Love You Forever," which was written by a bereaved father named Robert Munsch for the 2 babies he lost. This photo is dedicated to each and every baby who will be loved forever by their families.

Here are my sweet L's names written in the snow. :)

As I was writing the names in the snow, all 3 of my nosy kitties took a special interest in what I was doing. 😏  I had to contend with constant curiosity, sneak attacks, and tiny paw prints. 😆😜😘 🐱

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Lily's Headstone is Ordered!

I am thrilled to share that I just made the initial deposit on Lily's headstone, which means it's official that her stone is now in the process of getting designed and created! :)

I have been wanting to do this for literally three years, as it is extremely important to me to honor her precious LIFE in this way. However, for different reasons it hasn't worked out until now. I will share more about that at a later time. If you have read this blog for a while, you will know how much this means to me.

I am so thankful that God led me to a monument company that is dependable, high-quality, and friendly. They will make sure her stone is exactly as I picture it and it will be the only one just like it in the world, specially crafted by a sculptor in her honor.

I had hoped it would be ready to be placed by her birthday this year, but it is exciting that the order was placed right before her special day! (which I planned and waited until today to make the deposit...I wanted to do it on her birthday, but since it's on a Saturday, the company isn't open that day...so I got it as close to the day as possible.) I am so excited to see it by the summertime and to have a permanent monument that says Lily Katherine was a real, important, special someone who is very loved and missed. Her LIFE is of value, as each life is who is created by God.

I am so ready, eager, and happy to begin this process and see how her beautiful stone comes together. It will be tiny and sweet, just like her. :) I will share more about how her stone will look when I get drawings from the Monument Company...for now, I will tell you it includes a lamb, a rose and a lily. And it is sooo darling!

There is something so strange about being 23-years-old and having to buy a headstone for my child...

I will share more at a later time about what having a headstone for Lily means to me...

It is the night before Lily's birthday. My best friend sent me this text: "May God give you sweet dreams of His loving presence and the healing power of Jesus on this night. He is close to the brokenhearted. I love you." ~Kala

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Every Life Matters Video Contest

About a week and a half ago, I got an email from Protect Our Girls (part of the Live Action Pro-Life ministry) with information about their new video contest called Every Life Matters.

Here are the contest details:

Your video must be under 5 minutes long. Tell the inspirational story of someone who was spared being aborted. Share this person's life story, and explain how he or she has positively impacted your life and/or the lives of others. Your video should testify to the reasons why every human life is precious, important, and deserves protection.

This video can be about a person you know personally or someone you don't. But it should be an inspiring story about life and how one life can impact the world.

Every video MUST include the following text (possibly at the end of your video):

• We lose over 3,000 children every day in America because of abortion.
• Some are killed because they are girls, some because they are disables, some because they're the wrong race. Discrimination kills.
• Every life is precious and deserves to be protected. We need to end abortion now.

Right away, I knew I had to enter and tell Lily's story. The contest seemed just perfect for me. I was quite intimidated by having myself filmed for the world to see. I am not always ready and eager to be in the "spotlight," but I know that God has asked me to share my testimony and I must do that, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it may be.

Not only did I not want to make the video because it felt awkward, but literally so many hurdles got in the way. This week out of all weeks, my skin on my face has been having issues. It got really swollen and I was thinking, I am definitely not going on camera like this! Well, the swelling went down some, but not completely and I knew I had to still make it. I also had issues converting files and figuring out all the technology aspects to making the video. It is apparent that the enemy doesn't want me sharing my story, but God does and God always wins! :)

My mom, brother, and I spent the morning viewing all the video submissions. Lots of tears, smiles, and my heart being moved even more to action! It's been so neat to see the different styles of videos people are submitting. There are so many different stories of LIFE. Click here to see all the other amazing videos that share precious stories of LIFE!

A special thanks to my sister for helping me create this video and to my mom for her ideas. We are certainly no pros, but we did our best. I am so thankful for the opportunity to share Lily's beautiful LIFE and legacy!

Here is my video below. Tell me what you think! :) 

This story of Lily's LIFE and legacy proclaims how JUST ONE LIFE can make a forever impact on this world. It's a testimony to the beauty and purpose of each individual life, created in God's image. Your ONE LIFE will make a difference!

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Leave a Legacy

I feel an urgency to get this out. Because you see, I am realizing more and more how fragile this life is. It can be here one moment and gone the next. In the last nine months, two people I went to school with and a distant cousin have all died suddenly and unexpectedly in tragic car accidents. And of course, losing my daughter has opened my eyes to what a blessing it is to be alive. This life is but a brief breath and then we have all eternity. All these things have stirred something in me. So, here I am, writing this post, attempting to convey the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head.

None of us know when our last few hours and moments will be and there is so much uncertainty in life. We don't know if we're going to be one of those who die young or live to 100. Tomorrow is never a given. The rest of today isn't either. Do we live like that? Do we live with passion and love, like it were possibly the last day we could make an impact? Or do we think death or tragedy will never happen to us or our family? Do we think we are invincible and will live until we're old, so we put off getting our lives together? "Tomorrow I'll do this." "Tomorrow I'll do that." This moment is all we have. 

Jesus is the only constancy, the only certainty.

Have I wasted my life? Have you wasted yours? I know I have wasted time...days, weeks, months, even years. Because you see, I haven't always lived fully abandoned to the cause of Christ and His will in my life. And, oh, how it grieves my heart to think of how much more I could have served and loved my Jesus all these years. How much more might He have been able to use my yielded life for His glory?

But, my friends, we must not look behind, but ahead. Oh Lord, keep our eyes fixed on what You want to do with the rest of our lives! May we not be so discouraged, focusing on the past, that we forget where You want to take us now. We cannot change the past. But, my hope is in Christ and He is a God who restores and makes all things new. I know, trust, believe that He can use my past failings and regrets for His glory and my good. I don't know how He does it, but He does. And it's breathtakingly beautiful to behold. So, don't get so down, feeling guilty and so full of regret that You miss what He's trying to do now and how He desires to use these things for good. He can bring beauty out of those wasted years...in my life and in yours. Look how He redeemed Paul in Scripture.

"...One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." ~Philippians 3:13

May we feel the weight of it all, the weight of eternity. Don't grow cold to what God is trying to do in your life. Don't put things off! May we fight for the souls that our Jesus wants to rescue. Raise your sword in battle!

So, I ask you, what kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? Because we will all be leaving a legacy, it's only a matter of what it will be. There is no guarantee we will live until we're old. Do we want to be remembered as one who was selfish, materialistic, lazy, etc? Do we want to be remembered as a mediocre, lukewarm, half-hearted Christian, or someone sold-out for God? Do we want to live this life with one foot in the world and one foot in the murky waters of Christianity, or with both our feet firmly planted on the Rock?

As for me...I want to be remembered first and foremost as someone who was completely in love with and devoted to Jesus Christ. I want to be His servant and yielded vessel. I want to be known as Luke Shiloh and Lily Katherine's mother. For the story of LIFE and redemption that my Lord has chosen to write for me. I pray others remember what He did in my life and story, even if they don't remember my name or even the names of my children. I hope and pray that Lily lives through me. I hope Lily's legacy is honored and remembered long after I'm gone, even if I'm not. I want to be remembered as a servant. Someone who loved her family and friends and put them above herself.

What about you? What do you want to be remembered for? I am seriously praying about what God's will and purpose for my life is. And I want to fulfill everything He sent me here for, like Lily did. Without ever taking a breath or speaking a word, my girl has accomplished so much in this world. And I can only hope to be used by God like that. Lily Katherine is speaking from Heaven. She is speaking through this story. He is speaking through her story, this story, our story. Her life has such volume and speaks so much more than if she were here. What a precious gift. I am to be her voice on this earth. May that never be taken lightly.

I am going to write out everything I want to be remembered for. I want someone to read my words at my funeral, whether that's in 1 year or 70 years. And I pray that God will make me that person. That He will mold me into everything He intended me to be when He created me. And that when people hear the words I wrote, they will nod along and say, yes....that's exactly who she was and that's exactly who she'll be remembered as...

May we live today the legacy we want to leave.

"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." ~James 4:14

Keep your eyes fixed on Calvary and live in light of the glorious Cross!

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Lily's Legacy

I started working on a video yesterday, in honor of my precious flower, Lily Katherine. It's not quite as good as I would like, but I plan on creating some more videos for L.K., with footage from the hospital and the services celebrating her life. I also would like to include some footage from the 3D/4D ultrasound I had when we found out Lily was a girl at 17 and a half weeks gestation, including her heartbeat. Please leave some comments. Click on the link to see what I've got so far: Lily's Legacy

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