Jewel - Lullaby

There are certain songs that take my heart to such a bittersweet place... a place where I feel Lily near. The Jewel "Lullaby" CD does that for me. It came out in 2009, when I was carrying Lily. My mom gave it to me as a gift during my pregnancy. I was so excited to play it for Lily once she was born... I dreamed of rocking her while nursing, listening to these beautiful tunes as she'd drift off to sleep. The CD is truly one of the most beautiful I've ever heard. Jewel says that it is for children, but she made it with adults in mind too. The words, the music, and Jewel's singing are all so lovely...

I listened to this CD over and over again when I was pregnant. So hearing it takes me right back to that place when she was here. I can't hear it without tears coming to my eyes. Music is so powerful in how it can make you feel the way you felt when you heard that song at another time in life.

I have such a precious memory from my pregnancy that has to do with this CD. One day shortly after I got this album, I was driving over to a friend's house for a visit. She lives about 30 minutes away, so I had quite a bit of time in the car to listen to the CD. I turned it up so loud and both Lily and I were enjoying it so much. She moved around in my belly more than she ever had before when I played this music for her. She loved it. It makes me love this album even more, knowing that Lily loved it too... and that she truly did hear it during her time in the womb. Babies love hearing music in the womb and oftentimes remember it after they are born. I bet Lily would have remembered this music and that it would still be a favorite of hers to this day, and all through the years. I wish I had countless memories of playing this CD for Lily outside the womb... but I am truly so thankful for this one sweet memory of her dancing for her mommy while listening to this lovely music. Her perfect little ears heard these very songs that I am listening to right now. She was real. She loved music like her mother (and father). It gives me a sweet connection with her.

This photo was taken in November 2009, around the time I got the CD and when Lily danced around so wildly in my belly. It is my favorite photo of me pregnant.

I often will give this CD as a gift to families with children, such as for the families of kids that I nanny. For Christmas, I gave it to the two little boys I nanny and their mom recently said that she loves it and plays it on repeat. She said it makes her cry a little. (By the way, I have mentioned this before, but one of the brothers was born on March 16th, 2010 - Lily's exact birthday! I nearly fell over when his mom told me this. It makes it very special to be his nanny... what a healing gift from God!)

Anyways, the CD is hauntingly beautiful... especially because of the memories for me. For a while, I didn't really want to share this album with others because it's one of the few things in the world that is directly connected to Lily (it may sound silly, I know). But, it feels like it's her CD. It's symbolic of my short, sacred time with her. However, I have decided that sharing it with others makes me feel as if I'm sharing a piece of Lily with them. They probably wouldn't be hearing it if it weren't for me sharing it with them. And I wouldn't have heard it if it weren't for Lily.

Here's a YouTube video that has little snippets of each song from the album so you can get an idea of what it sounds like.

I enjoy all the songs on the album, but my favorite (and what I call mine and Lily's song) is #10 - "Forever and a Day." The lyrics are beautiful. After Lily passed away, we were able to bring her to Virginia in her little white coffin for her service and burial. On the trip, we played this CD. It was then that I first realized that "Forever and a Day" (our song) is 3 minutes and 16 seconds long (3:16). Lily's birthday is March 16 (3-16). How special is that...

Forever and a Day

The other day you asked me to
Tell you how much I love you
Oh, but words so often fail
To describe the depth and scale
And even though it may sound cliche
I'll tell you now in my simple way

My love is as true as the oceans are blue
And I'll always feel this way
Just listen to the beating that keeps repeating
My heart wants to say
Like Gala and Dali, It's you and me
Forever and a day
Forever and a day
Always

You watch me turn out the light
Wrap my arms around you, say goodnight
Trace our shadows on the wall
Thank God for the miracle of it all

My love is as true as the oceans are blue
And I'll always feel this way
Just listen to the beating that keeps repeating
My heart wants to say
Like Gala and Dali, It's you and me
Forever and a day
Forever and a day
Always

The road of life winds
With the passing of time
I can hear you say
How can hearts know
Where love will go
Beyond today

Just listen to the beating that keeps repeating
My heart wants to say
Like Gala and Dali, Its you and me
Forever and a day
Forever and a day
Always

I never imagined just what forever would come to mean... that the rest of my days on earth would be spent without her. Yet, my love will stretch into eternity... and it is there we will meet again. Forever.

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Her Half Birthday

Time keeps passing. Steadily. Surely. Six months gone by without her. I move farther and farther away from her with each day and today, that reminder is all too bitter. The six month mark has crept up on me so quickly and it's like a kick in the stomach. The little outfit my cousin got for Lily is hanging on my dresser. It says 6m. I hold it up to me and imagine her body filling it out, resting on my hip. The tears keep coming today. I'm glad I have my infant loss support group tonight. It's hard for me to look at 6 month old babies now and imagine her that size. I try so hard to picture her face and her smile, but I don't know how.


The Jewel-Lullaby album is very special to me. My mom got it for me during my pregnancy and Lily and I listened to it all the time. She would kick so much when I would play it loudly and sing to her. Listening to the CD now is so bittersweet, reminding me of the beautiful times spent with her. I couldn't wait to play it as I would have rocked her. This is my special song for her. Listening to it is a reminder of just how much I miss her. It's a reminder of just how blessed I am to be her mother. It's a reminder of how thankful I am God saved her and gave me 40 glorious weeks and 2 beautiful days with her. It's a reminder of how I will carry around her legacy and love with me always. How would she look today? What outfit would I have put her in? What would we have done to celebrate? Would she be giggling right now? Six months...in a way, I can't believe it's been that long already. Yet, it also seems like time has just dragged on and on and on. Happy half birthday, Lily girl! 





The other day you asked me to
Tell you how much I love you
Oh, but words so often fail
To describe the depth and scale
And even though it may sound cliche
I'll tell you now in my simple way

My love is as true as the oceans are blue
And I'll always feel this way
Just listen to the beating that keeps repeating
My heart wants to say
Like Gala and Dali, Its you and me
Forever and a day
Forever and a day
Always

You watch me turn out the light
Wrap my arms around you, say goodnight
Trace our shadows on the wall
Thank God for the miracle of it all

My love is true as the oceans are blue
And I'll always feel this way
Just listen to the beating that keeps repeating
My heart wants to say
Like Gala and Dali, Its you and me
Forever and a day
Forever and a day
Always

The road of life winds
With the passing of time
I can hear you say
How can hearts know
Where love will go
Beyond today

Just listen to the beating that keeps repeating
My heart wants to say
Like Gala and Dali, Its you and me
Forever and a day
Forever and a day
Always

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