Lil' Spud

If you read my post from yesterday, then you know that it was Spud Day. :) It was my due date with Lily 7 years ago and the date each year we now have hashbrowns in her honor.

Yesterday was a special one. My friend Amanda came over to celebrate Lily's birthday with me (more on that later). I was sharing Lily's memory chest with her and came across this 0-3 month baby shirt that my "little" cousin Anna made me for Lily when I was pregnant. It was so cute to come across on Spud day and so I thought I'd share since I never have. Her initials are on the front.

My family and I went to IHOP to enjoy our hash browns. And my mom and I also had red-velvet French toast! #BreakfastforDinner #RedVelvetforLily

Thank you to everyone else who said they were having hashbrowns for Lily too!

A blog follower, Susi, sent me this photo. :)

Ashley sent me this photo and wrote: "I was doing this crossword today and as soon as I read it I thought of your Lily. I knew there was a reason she was on my mind so much!"

Someone else said they already thought of what the day was before she saw me post about it and that she'd be making some home fries in Lily's honor last night. Someone else said they'd have potato chips for her. Someone else said fried potatoes are a favorite, but that they now have a new meaning for SpudLily. :) Someone else said she works part-time at a Waffle House and that she promised when she serves the hashbrowns she will now think of my Spud. Someone else said she and her grandmother had hashbrowns with their breakfast yesterday in Lily's honor. Thank you all so much!

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A Friendship Because of Lily

There are those special friends who you can pick up with right where you left off after not seeing each other for years. Anna is one of those friends to me. :)

She was one of the first people to know about my sweet Lily. We met when I went to a Pregnancy Center in Virginia, where Anna was serving as the Director, in August 2009, when I was in my first trimester of pregnancy. She radiated such love, compassion, and kindness, and offered rich wisdom that left a lasting impact on me. I thought of her often throughout the months of carrying Lily and wanted to tell her how much my time with her meant and how it helped shape my outlook and helped me be brave.

When I finally did contact her, it was unexpectedly to invite her to Lily's Memorial Burial Service in March 2010. I'm thankful that she came to celebrate her life and mourn her loss.

A couple years later, Anna got married and I was honored to photograph their beautiful wedding.

Each time I visit with her, I'm encouraged by her life and testimony. I loved getting to meet her adorable daughters yesterday and having her meet my niece. When I was a few weeks pregnant, God whispered to my heart that if I chose life, I couldn't imagine the beauty that He would bring. Well, Anna's friendship and a passion for photography were two of the realities of that promise. 

Anna recently moved back to Virginia and told me that every time she passes the Cemetery where Lily's spot is, she thinks of her. That made me teary-eyed. I was reflecting and telling her how crazy it is how long we've known each other and that she was one of the first people to know of the precious girl who is known by thousands now, and she said that's why Lily is so special to her. ❤️

This is something I wrote about my visit to the Pregnancy Center in an email to my friend Bex. I am so thankful to have these words to see what exactly I was thinking then:

I went to the Pregnancy Center on Monday. I met with one of the counselors there, Anna. I didn't really know what to expect going in there. The Pregnancy Center of Central Virginia is a Christian establishment and as soon as I walked in the door, I felt comfortable and loved. The lady at the front desk had a warm smile on her face and was very helpful. Then, I met with Anna and I knew she wasn't judging me or thinking about what a horrible person I am. Her words were tender and sweet, and I felt comfortable enough to openly discuss everything with her. I told her I am considering adoption and she recommended Bethany Christian Services, the very same place you sent me a link to in your first message to me! She gave me all sorts of pamphlets when I left with information on the things we had discussed. She gave me the number to Bethany, as well as the number to both hospitals in the area, so I can get set up with a doctor. She told me someone that works in the Center has a daughter that got pregnant and placed her baby for adoption. I told her the church I have been attending with my grandmother, and then told her the church I would like to try. Her eyes lit up and she said, "that's the church I attend." She invited me to go with her. She talked with me as long as I wanted, and then prayed for me. Her prayer was heartfelt and sincere, and brought tears to my eyes. While she was getting all the pamphlets together for me, I watched a fifteen minute video on adoption. I was filled with emotion and tears were streaming down my face. I am scared of the pain that is to come if I do indeed choose adoption. I walked out of the Pregnancy Center that day with great hope. I was at complete peace with my choice of life.

This is Anna's account of the day we met, written a few years ago:

I remember the day you (Hannah) walked into the Center with your boyfriend at the time. I remember that you looked scared and a bit down, very down. But in your eyes was a spark of the desire to have hope. You sat down on the couch opposite me, hungry for some direction that would give you peace in your pregnancy. I could see that things were hard between you and him, and that there was so much in your heart and to your soul that he wasn't even aware of. I could see your potential and a bit of who you really were, is what I'm trying to say. As I talked to you I felt the Spirit pouring out His story of hope to you. Choose Life.....maybe even adoption. I could tell that your character was deep, but I wasn't sure how you were feeling - what would be your outcome? As you watched the adoption video, I remember seeing that you had so much emotion welling up - your mother's heart was showing.....and being wrenched. It was in the following days ahead that I really got to see verified what I had only believed was true- as you mentioned that you were going forward, going to have your baby, and give it the best life you could. The most amazing thing of all to me was when you said you just couldn't stay with your boyfriend, but that you had to make a decision to move beyond him, for yourself but most importantly to honor God. I think I cheered at that in my office and bragged on you to the staff!! We don't see that kind of decision hardly EVER! It is rare, though we pray for it to increase. Your heart was breaking over so many losses, but you had your eye on His gain. I knew that would take you far, and, secretly I was hoping we would get to stay in touch so that I could see just how God would bless your heart of David and heart of Esther! As your baby was nearing birth, I was so excited for you....and then, my heart broke, as you told me the news that must crush every mother's most inner sensibility. I felt that loss so acutely. Little Lily was a miracle, and even her name was a testimony to your growing in His light like a flower blooming in her season. Getting to come to the funeral was a huge blessing, as I was able to be with you and also your family (who had supported the Pregnancy Centers for many years and was well known among our staff). I felt that I was getting to be there with the granddaughter of one of the PCCV matrons - your grandma Nancy Virginia Bain! Through time and after Lily's going back to be with Jesus, getting to know you personally has just been one of the sweetest treasures, like nectar bottled up from such a sweet flower of the past. I don't get to get close to all clients like I did you - they are transient, they pass in and out, etc. But, you....God allowed our acquaintance to deepen to friendship and deep sister love in the Spirit. You are so special, and I just know that His plan for you is just radiantly expansive, with impact that ripples like waves out from a rock hitting the water. You are forever precious to me and I hope we will always stay in touch!!!! Also, one of the greatest gifts you gave to me was that you would pursue God and His direction in your life relentlessly. When you could have taken the easy way, you chose HIM!! Every time you'd tell me what you were up to, I could see the little "normal" veerings as you were trying to discover the right way...the path to Life.....but, always you would end up choosing it! It brought joy and surprise to me like I hadn't felt with any other person who had sought the Center for help. You are truly unique!"

In 2013, Anna and I were actually both interviewed for a WORLD Magazine article which you can read by clicking here.

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Profiled for WORLD Magazine

About a month ago, I received an email from a reporter for the Christian news publication, WORLD Magazine, asking if I was willing to be interviewed for an article to publish on their website. Writer, Caroline Leal, read my article "Darkness to Light," posted on CNN's iReport, and was very touched by my story. Shortly after that, she visited my website and read much more about my experiences. She wanted to write about my story because she thought it would be an encouragement to their wide readership.

Of course, I immediately responded upon receiving the email and said I would be completely honored to be interviewed for WORLD. Caroline contacted me on a Monday and her deadline was that upcoming Friday, so we didn't have much time for the interviewing process. I asked to be interviewed by email, rather than by phone, so I could have time to think about and pray over my responses. I am very thankful I did it that way because some of the questions were quite in depth and difficult to answer. 

Something that's really precious about this article...Caroline wrote me and mentioned she was looking for an additional source to briefly quote in the story. She wanted to interview someone from some sort of Pregnancy Center who could comment on why my story is important and worth sharing. She had the idea to interview Anna, who she had read about on my blog. Anna is my precious friend who I met at the Center that I went to when I was early in my pregnancy with Lily. She was a counselor there. This made me extremely excited because Anna is an amazing, beautiful woman and it's so special to be in the article with someone who was such a sweet part of the story, from close to the beginning. Anna graciously agreed to be interviewed.

Caroline and I emailed back and forth for weeks and through our correspondence, a sweet friendship has blossomed. Not only did we discuss the article, but things like our mutual love for the Lord, photography, and Eric and Leslie Ludy. ;-) I truly consider Caroline a dear new friend and look forward to keeping in touch with her and hopefully one day meeting her in person. It's so amazing how God has brought so many precious friendships into my life through Luke and Lily's lives...Bex, Anna, Bonnie, Brittany, and now Caroline. :-) The promise He whispered to my heart all those years ago - that if I chose LIFE, I couldn't imagine the beauty He would bring, is still being fulfilled! It's amazing. For Lily's birthday, Caroline sent me the most precious card in the mail!

From the first email I received from Caroline to the date of publication was about a month...the month of March. Lily's special month. Caroline and I both thought how neat it was that God would work this out to happen during her month. It felt like a beautiful gift from Jesus on her birthday to share her life and legacy on a broad scale. I had really hoped the article would publish at some point in March, but it ended up publishing on April 1st due to different reasons. It was published on the day after Easter, which I think is special, as a reflection of the redemptive work Christ has done in my life through my little ones. As Caroline said to me, it was published on April 1st, the day after the end of March. New beginnings... Yes, indeed. :-)

I am so thankful WORLD was able to include my website in the article because they usually don't include links to outside sources. It is my hope and prayer, as well as Caroline's, that this article will open up more doors for me to share my story, both in speaking and writing. It has been such an amazing experience to be interviewed, to make a new friend, and to see the hand of my God. He has spoken through this entire thing that He is in control. He is sovereign over all. He has a mighty plan and purpose. All I must do is be obedient to Him and what He asks of me, one step at a time. I was obedient in sharing my story on the CNN iReport, which is how Caroline discovered my story. I am wondering who will discover my story through the WORLD article and what doors God will open next...it's such an exciting adventure, this life with Him! :-)

I was also quite pleased with the photo they chose for the article. In the photo, I am wearing the necklace my grandmother gave me on March 27th, 2010 - the day of Lily's burial. It has a heart and symbolizes the four generations - three pearls on the bottom to symbolize my grandmother, mother, and myself (living on earth), and the stone above symbolizes Lily in Heaven. How incredibly sweet and thoughtful! It was so special to have to wear to the service. It's precious that it's in the photo.

I didn't quite know what to expect with how the article would turn out and couldn't read it before it was published. But, once I did read it, I was quite pleased with the final result. Of course, it was disappointing that so much had to be left out because of length constraints. But, I thought Caroline summarized everything beautifully. She had a hard time knowing how to consolidate everything, but didn't she do a lovely job? :-) And thankfully, since my website was included, if people wish to read in greater depth, they can visit and read all they want. All my responses to the interview questions were so lengthy, so it's interesting to see how short the article ended up being and how little of my responses could be used. That's the world of writing and articles, I suppose.

It meant so much to me when Caroline told me that engaging with the material I shared with her was such a blessing and got her thinking about the importance of promoting the Pro-Life message and being an encourager to other young women facing similar situations as I once did. She said she even looked up local Pregnancy Centers that she could volunteer at in the future. 

I am so honored and blessed to have been interviewed for this magazine. The article is one of the Lead Stories published today - April 1st, 2013. I am thankful for this opportunity to be a voice for my precious Lily Katherine and Luke Shiloh, like I promised them I would be. I pray their lives and legacies will help change and save lives, in Jesus' name! And I pray my story will touch those who have had an abortion, those facing an unplanned pregnancy, and those who have lost a child. I hope those in the church will better understand those who are post-abortive and have a tender heart of mercy and compassion towards them. So many men and women are affected by this topic, both in and out of the church, and I think it's time it is discussed and time for the church to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I hope whoever reads this article will walk away with the hope of Jesus in their hearts.

Thank you, Caroline, for thinking my story is worth telling and for having the desire to tell it. You are a beautiful person and writer.

Thank you, Anna, for being willing to be interviewed and for taking part in this awesome opportunity with me. 

Thank you, WORLD Magazine, for publishing the article!

Please read and share!

Read the article here:

WORLD | Restoration for a wounded soul | Caroline Leal | April 1, 2013

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A beautiful friendship because of her

When God was walking me through my pregnancy decision, He whispered distinctly to my heart: If you choose LIFE, you cannot imagine the beauty I will bring...

I never could have imagined how every part of my life would so radically change because of my sweet Lily. My heart has changed, my friendships have changed, my day-to-day life has changed...literally everything has changed. For the better.

As I look at my life now, I am amazed to see that many most of the beautiful things that bring me so much joy have flowed out of Lily's life. She has touched every part of me. I never could have imagined how the story would be written, yet it is breathtakingly beautiful. Jesus brought me back to Himself through her. My entire future is changed and I now have a passion I never could have dreamed I'd have...to be a voice for unborn life, women in unplanned pregnancies, and those who are post-abortive. I started my photography business called All Things Lovely Photography because of Lily. The Lord restored friendships and family relationships through her life. 

And some of the dearest friendships I have now are people I have met because of Lily. Friends such as Bex...

Another dear friend I have met is Anna. 

We first met in August 2009, the month when I made the choice of LIFE. I already knew I would be choosing life, but I was still unsure if I would choose adoption or parenting. I just needed someone to talk to about everything. That's when I made an appointment at the Pregnancy Center in Charlottesville. It was just a mile or so from the Planned Parenthood where I had my abortion just months before. When I walked into those doors, it was a place of such hope and light, which was such a contrast from the abortion clinic, a place of such darkness and despair. I literally remember the sunshine streaming in the windows as I walked in. I met with Anna (who was the Center Director there at the time) and was so blessed by our time together. I wrote the following in an email to Bex right after I first met Anna. I am so glad I have this record of that visit and what I first thought of this amazing woman:

I went to the Pregnancy Center on Monday. I met with one of the counselors there, Anna. I didn't really know what to expect going in there. The Pregnancy Center of Central Virginia is a Christian establishment and as soon as I walked in the door, I felt comfortable and loved. The lady at the front desk had a warm smile on her face and was very helpful. Then, I met with Anna and I knew she wasn't judging me or thinking about what a horrible person I am. Her words were tender and sweet, and I felt comfortable enough to openly discuss everything with her. I told her I am considering adoption and she recommended Bethany Christian Services, the very same place you sent me a link to in your first message to me! She gave me all sorts of pamphlets when I left with information on the things we had discussed. She gave me the number to Bethany, as well as the number to both hospitals in the area, so I can get set up with a doctor. She told me someone that works in the Center has a daughter that got pregnant and put her baby up for adoption. I told her the church I have been attending with my grandmother, and then told her the church I would like to try. Her eyes lit up and she said, "that's the church I attend." She invited me to go with her. She talked with me as long as I wanted, and then prayed for me. Her prayer was heartfelt and sincere, and brought tears to my eyes. While she was getting all the pamphlets together for me, I watched a fifteen minute video on adoption. I was filled with emotion and tears were streaming down my face. I am scared of the pain that is to come if I do indeed choose adoption. I walked out of the Pregnancy Center that day with great hope. I was at complete peace with my choice of LIFE.

Throughout my pregnancy, I kept meaning to write Anna to tell her how much that short visit with her had deeply impacted me. I told my mom about her and just smiled whenever I thought of sweet Anna. I saw her in October at the annual Pregnancy Center banquet that I went to with my grandmother, but didn't say anything to her. Not everyone knew yet about my pregnancy. I did contact Anna, just not in the way I every thought I'd have to. I called the Center and asked her if she would attend my daughter's Celebration of LIFE burial service. She was happy to come. It means so much to me that she would attend. She has gotten to see the story unfold from the beginning.

Meeting at the Center because of my pregnancy was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Since then, we have gotten together many times and I treasure our relationship. She has spoken truth into my life when I needed to hear it and has been a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Isn't it amazing how God brings good things into our lives in ways we never could have expected?

Last year on New Year's Eve, Anna got married. Remember how I started doing photography after having Lily? Well, Anna asked me to be her wedding photographer, which I was beyond honored that she would ask! She said what I thought...who would have ever imagined when we first met that one day (soon) I would be photographing her wedding! :)

Is she not a gorgeous bride?!

Here we are together at her wedding! :)

You can see some more photos of her lovely wedding here.

I asked Anna for her version of when I first came into the Center. These words mean so much to me. She said it would be alright if I share it here.

I remember the day you (Hannah) walked into the Center with your boyfriend at the time. I remember that you looked scared and a bit down, very down. But in your eyes was a spark of the desire to have hope. You sat down on the couch opposite me, hungry for some direction that would give you peace in your pregnancy. I could see that things were hard between you and him, and that there was so much in your heart and to your soul that he wasn't even aware of. I could see your potential and a bit of who you really were, is what I'm trying to say. As I talked to you I felt the Spirit pouring out His story of hope to you. Choose Life.....maybe even adoption. I could tell that your character was deep, but I wasn't sure how you were feeling - what would be your outcome? As you watched the adoption video, I remember seeing that you had so much emotion welling up - your mother's heart was showing.....and being wrenched. It was in the following days ahead that I really got to see verified what I had only believed was true- as you mentioned that you were going forward, going to have your baby, and give it the best life you could. The most amazing thing of all to me was when you said you just couldn't stay with your boyfriend, but that you had to make a decision to move beyond him, for yourself but most importantly to honor God. I think I cheered at that in my office and bragged on you to the staff!! We don't see that kind of decision hardly EVER! It is rare, though we pray for it to increase. Your heart was breaking over so many losses, but you had your eye on His gain. I knew that would take you far, and, secretly I was hoping we would get to stay in touch so that I could see just how God would bless your heart of David and heart of Esther! As your baby was nearing birth, I was so excited for you....and then, my heart broke, as you told me the news that must crush every mother's most inner sensibility. I felt that loss so acutely. Little Lily was a miracle, and even her name was a testimony to your growing in His light like a flower blooming in her season. Getting to come to the funeral was a huge blessing, as I was able to be with you and also your family (who had supported the Pregnancy Centers for many years and was well known among our staff). I felt that I was getting to be there with the granddaughter of one of the PCCV matrons - your grandma Nancy Virginia Bain! Through time and after Lily's going back to be with Jesus, getting to know you personally has just been one of the sweetest treasures, like nectar bottled up from such a sweet flower of the past. I don't get to get close to all clients like I did you - they are transient, they pass in and out, etc. But, you....God allowed our acquaintance to deepen to friendship and deep sister love in the Spirit. You are so special, and I just know that His plan for you is just radiantly expansive, with impact that ripples like waves out from a rock hitting the water. You are forever precious to me and I hope we will always stay in touch!!!! Also, one of the greatest gifts you gave to me was that you would pursue God and His direction in your life relentlessly. When you could have taken the easy way, you chose HIM!! Every time you'd tell me what you were up to, I could see the little "normal" veerings as you were trying to discover the right way...the path to Life.....but, always you would end up choosing it! It brought joy and surprise to me like I hadn't felt with any other person who had sought the Center for help. You are truly unique!"

The Pregnancy Center really blessed me and was there at a time that I needed hope and a listening ear. I encourage anyone who is reading this to get involved in your local Crisis Pregnancy Center. Whether you want to become a volunteer or make one donation or regular donations...these Centers are helping women and their babies and they need support to continue being able to offer these things to their community!

Want to know something else exciting? ... Anna and her husband are expecting their first baby in January!! I am beyond thrilled for them. Thank You, Lord, for this beautiful woman after Your heart. She is such a blessing and encouragement to so many. Bless her and her family.

When we trust God with each detail of our lives, look what He does.

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