As soon as my eyes opened this morning, I remembered how five years ago on this day, I awakened with a heavy heart and tear-filled eyes. My unborn baby would be alive within me for just a few more hours. Five years seems like so much time.
I drove to Planned Parenthood that cold Friday February morning. It seems odd now that it's called Planned Parenthood, like I could somehow change the fact that I was already mothering a babe in my womb. The nausea I was feeling day and night was a constant reminder of this. I had never planned for this. I had never wanted a baby before marriage. I never thought I'd have to deal with such a thing. Nobody facing this situation ever thinks it could happen to them...
Two of us entered that clinic - my nineteen-year-old, selfish, sinful, broken self and my six-week-old unborn child. Only one of us was able to voice what we wanted. Only one of us would make it out of the whole ordeal alive.
At around four that afternoon, the pill that would cut off all life supply to my thriving baby was placed in my hand. Hannah Rose, run! Don't do it! I wish I could talk myself out of taking that pill. The Planned Parenthood employees stood there coolly, watching me put the tiny pill on my tongue and the cool water to my lips. I swallowed. There was no going back. This little pill called mifepristone would block the hormone progesterone, which is needed to maintain pregnancy.
Once I took the first pill, I was required to take the next set between 24-72 hours later. I was told one last time what to expect and they said if I had any serious side-effects, I was to go to the emergency room. I was instructed to come back on February 17th, to make sure the pregnancy was "thoroughly terminated." If there were complications, I'd have to have a surgical abortion to complete the "termination". They sent me on my way. I left that afternoon in tears. Tears describe this entire chapter of my life. No words were spoken. What was there to say?
February 6th is a day of remembrance... remembering and acknowledging Luke's brief, but beautiful life. The fact that he truly did exist and was the first child of my womb. It's a day of remembering what this day held in 2009 so that I never lose the urgency in sharing the truth of how horribly ugly abortion really is. On this day of remembrance, I will light a candle for my sweet child whom I'll never get to know on Earth. I will talk about him and I will love and miss him. I will share his story so that other men and women won't have to know this lifelong pain and so that other babies might have LIFE.
Read my entire post-abortion pro-life testimony HERE.
First child of my womb,
Quietly you grew, hidden from all eyes.
Why didn't I choose LIFE?
Why did I believe the lies?
Flesh of my flesh,
My baby, forever you'll be.
I'm sorry I chose the wrong way.
I'm sorry I didn't SEE.
Your life was not wasted.
Valued and precious you are.
God is speaking mightily through you.
From my thoughts, you will never be far.
From darkness to light,
You will always be a part of the story.
Our Father in Heaven promises
To work all this together for His glory.
Your name means "light" and "peace,"
My precious little one.
That's what He's brought in all of this.
In Christ, the victory is won!
I promise to be your voice
Until my days on earth are through.
I will never be silent
Until the time that I meet you.
In that moment,
I will gaze upon your face.
I will hold you, kiss you, know you,
In awe of His great mercy and amazing grace.
Even then I know,
Your legacy will still live.
For He breathes beauty into this story,
And purpose He will continue to give.
I love you my little Lukey.
Thank you for changing me.
Until we meet, my darling,
A forever part of me you'll be.
With all my might, I'll fight in your honor,
Until the battle for LIFE is won.
In my eyes and heart,
You will always be my son.
