Monday, April 4, 2011

Missing Her More as the Days Pass

I had no idea it would be this difficult a year out. I had no idea I could keep missing her so much. It feels like I only miss her more as the days pass.

2010 will always be the "year of Lily." So many people I know had their babies close to when I had Lily and I can't help but wonder what this grief will turn into in the coming months and years. When I have to watch these other babies grow into toddlers, and then kids running and playing tag, and then pre-teens and teenagers getting their drivers licenses. And I will never get to see her go through these things.

In my heart, in my mind, she will always be my baby.

Sixteen years from now, when these babies her age are turning into young adults, I will still ache to hold my baby in my arms.

And I wonder why didn't she get the chance to live? Why was the joy of life taken from her? And from me...

I wish I could go back to that moment and hold her again and breathe her in, memorize everything.


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