Thursday, January 28, 2010

Out of Darkness.

Such darkness that surrounded me.
Threatening to swallow me,
Take me whole.
Stealing the light,
the precious light that once cascaded through me.
It envelopes me, gags me.
Taking the life within me.

Like a thief in the night,
It comes.
Robbing us of all joy.
All truth.
All hope.
The light is ripped out of us.
Trampled on.
Then laughter.
Darkness whispers its nasty lies:

But, my Warrior, my mighty Warrior,
Comes to rescue me.
His princess, His bride.
He fights for me.
Bleeds for me.
Dies for me.
This is enough.
His love overcomes the grave.
Breathing His life, His light,
back into my being.
Through that dark night of faith
He was gazing at me.


Saturday, January 23, 2010

Through the eyes of a little girl.

These are part of the lyrics to the song, "More Beautiful You," by Johnny Diaz.

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl


God is proving these things to be very true in my life. I have been thinking a lot about what it means to see through the eyes of a little girl. I think there are many aspects to this simple statement.

So often, I long to relive the days of my childhood. And I have to ask myself why this is? It's because I trusted that the world was good and everyone loved me. I had dreams of finding a noble knight. I was a princess. I had no idea how cruel people can be, the way boys would hurt me, the way I would give away my precious innocence. It was before my dreams of finding a man that would protect me, cherish me, and adore me were all but a distant memory.

Childlike faith. Such a fascinating thing. We have it one day and the next, it's gone. Our experiences and the culture rob us of this precious gift. As we grow up, the world tells us to be realists and not to expect too much out of God and people. We're told God doesn't really want to be involved in the tiny aspects of our everyday lives. We stop trusting that God is as big as He says He is, that He wants to do good things for us and bless those faithful to Him. And with seeing all the pain and sin around us, we may begin to question if God is even good. As young children, however, it is never hard to believe in these big ideas of an even bigger God. That He gives sight to the blind, food to the hungry, is a father to the fatherless, and carried the burden of the sins of the entire world..

When we are young, we are innocent and our hearts are pure. We don't notice the color of one's skin, the clothes they wear, how they look or talk, or all the other things this world notices. Instead, we judge others by the content of their hearts. Is that not the very heart of Christ? Years spent living in a culture that warps this way of thinking leaves us with a distorted image of where true value comes from. The only true beauty, worth, or value any of us has is from our Beloved Bridegroom, Jesus.

The Lord is teaching my heart to trust Him alone. To trust that He can bless me with a true warrior-poet, a man after His own heart. He's showing me the importance of protecting and preserving my heart and body for this man. Even though I don't deserve somebody like Christ, He still desires Him for me. My desire is to have childlike faith once again...To trust that God is faithful and blesses those that love Him and keep His commands. That He desires what's best for me. That He does big things! To look through the eyes of a little girl, which happen to be very similar to the eyes of Christ Himself, and see people the way He sees them. Not judging them by the standards of this world, but by their heart. And choosing to love them, no matter what the cost. To let Christ wash me clean, white as snow, and again be unaffected and unshaken by the pollution of this culture. To not yield to the twisted agenda of this culture. God is much bigger than the devil or anything and anybody in the world. His words are true and He can never lie. He desires to give us life and life more abundantly! May we all see through the eyes of little children again.


My Love Hasn't Grown Cold.

"by Bethany Dillon"

You shake your head
What is so hard to believe?
When you are in your bed
I sing over you the sweetest things
Because oh, my love does not tire
And I know the times when you feel lost
And you just aren't sure
Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you
You cold steal away in the middle of the night
And hide in the light of day
While you cloak yourself in the darkest lies
But oh my love, it swims in the deepest oceans of fear
And as soon as you lower your head
I am here
For you
If only you could see
How heaven stills when you speak
I know all your days
And I have wrapped you in mystery
And oh, my love for you
Is as wide as the galaxies
Just hold out your hand and close your eyes
And come be with me
Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Life Happenings...

Well, I'm almost 32 weeks along now. My due date is two months from today...March 14th. Where is the time going? I'm getting very eager and excited, anticipating Lily's arrival. In a way, I feel like I simply cannot wait, but in a way, I feel totally unprepared.

I've been bustling around so much lately, organizing, cleaning, rearranging...I didn't really realize what this was all about until my mom pointed out last night that I'm 'nesting.' Too true! It's so funny that mothers of all species do this to prepare for their young. I feel like I simply cannot rest until everything is perfectly prepared for this little girl. My mind is constantly going with thoughts of what I still need to do...Finish organizing, cleaning, baby-proofing, getting her nursery ready, getting everything she'll need in the first few weeks of life, washing all her clothes so they're clean and fresh. Getting together what I'll need in my first few weeks of being a new mother, getting my baby registry prepared, getting my hospital bag ready as well as Lily's coming home bag prepared. Packing and repacking. Making lists...lots of lists...of everything. What to add to my registry, what I need, what to pack, etc. My mind is definitely extremely organized these days. I guess it's just part of becoming a mother. I realize I have someone else to take care of now...It's not just me. Things are going to be changing so much. I pray that I'll be ready. I pray that I can finish getting ready before Baby decides to join us.

I'm also planning my baby shower. I'll be having one on February 13th with NC friends and one in May when we go to Massanutten, with VA friends and family. The one in February is going to be a Valentine's theme shower...Lots of chocolate and pink! I'm getting very excited about the shower itself, as well as seeing old friends! I'm going to go to Michael's today to get supplies to make my own baby shower invitations. I love card-making now. :) I'll try to post some pictures of the finished cards before I send them off...Anyways, just a little update on what's been happening here in Raleigh.


Thursday, January 7, 2010

Find Me.

So much has changed.
But you remain the same.
Here I am, broken now.
Not knowing where to go.
Show me the way.
I am lost.
I am broken.
But, I long to be beautiful...
I long to be found.
Please find me.
Sweet Jesus.


Delving Into This.

I'm delving into something I never before knew existed.
Something I don't fully understand, but want to know more.
An intimate romance that brings me unspeakable joy.
I'm gazing into the love-struck eyes of the Lover of my soul.
I hear His sweet words drift into my ears and melt my heart.
Looking into the eyes of my Prince, my Noble Knight, I see truth.
I see life.
I see my future.
I see everything I am and all I ever hope to be.


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Week 30: Goodbye monkey baby, hello roly poly!

Fetal development in pregnancy week 30:fetus in seventh month The light is visible at the end of the tunnel! Your oversized self and amazing growing baby have finally reached the single digits (in terms of weeks till birth)! The fine lanugo hair that has been growing all over their little monkey-like body is going to start falling off this week in preparation for the big day. But don’t be shocked if they’re hairier than you’d anticipated, some babies keep their lanugo until after birth. Still, it’s not any cause to be concerned as it will fall off eventually. No surprises here: your little porker is getting even cuter with increasingly pudgy arms and legs this week thanks to the ever-growing layers of subcutaneous fat. In terms of numbers, your baby should be weighing in at around 3 pounds 12 ounces (or more!) and be nearly 16 inches long.

And how's mom doing? On a very serious note: you should make sure to determine both you and your baby’s blood type. It’s extremely important for everyone. In the case that you and your maturing babe’s blood types don’t match there’s a chance you could produce antibodies that could potentially attack and harm a future fetus. It is rare, but with modern medicine, the problem is easily corrected and little cause for concern if dealt with properly.

As for the ongoing joys of being in your third trimester: your not-so-fun symptoms are just intensifying this week, so it might not hurt to slow down a bit and focus on yourself. If you’re feeling extra fatigued, you’ve probably joined the sleeping shouldn’t be this tough when I’m this tired club, especially if you’re experiencing a lot of back pain and general discomfort. If you’ve been pushing the exercise thing, then this is the time perhaps to cut down on the physical activities and focus more on getting proper sleep (if this means buying a pregnancy pillow, then do it!). Oh and all that moodiness? Just go with the flow emotionally. This doesn't mean letting the hormones win and becoming a complete psychotic. Instead, feel the feelings, but know that the drama you’re feeling is largely a result of increased adrenaline thanks indirectly to hormonal swings—not because things really are that dramatic and merit adult temper tantrums. The clincher symptom for this week: it’s highly likely your libido has gone on sabbatical. This, as far as we’re concerned, is perfectly natural in your condition.


Saturday, January 2, 2010

Nothing Else Matters.

I realize how throughly inadequate I am to do anything alone. The only trace of good that is in me is Jesus. Not me at all. It is in my greatest times of doubt, hurt and need that I am reminded that God is always there, holding my hand, even when it feels like He isn't. At times, the whole world seems to turn against me and I feel like there is nobody to understand the deepest part of me. At times when I cry out to God for help, I feel so alone. But, I remember the suffering His love put Him through and I realize that life isn't meant to be easy. It's in my times of pain and discomfort that I learn the most about God and draw near to Him.

I somehow think that I am more capable of making decisions for my life than the Creator of the universe...but, each time I make a stupid choice about something and let my heart break over something, I am brought back to my knees and realize that God knows me better than I know myself. Why is it that I have to learn to trust Him over and over when He has never given me a reason to doubt?

I'm willing to lay it all down for Christ because nothing else matters. Honestly. No matter how much I try to fill my heart with other things, I am constantly brought back to my beautiful, sweet Jesus. He is all that matters. Remember that. Nothing else. What are the hardships we face today in light of eternity? God is worth giving up anything else and living completely set-apart for Him because He is the only one who satisfies. His love does not tire. He is awake when the moon is full. He is the most real thing in this life. Seek His face.


You're My Only Hope.

My soul pants for You, God.
It knows its desperation.
The tears and pain,
A world without you...
It rips my heart out.
It wants me defeated.

But, my head is down,
Tilted down.
You make me look up.
You are there.
I see your face...
Those eyes.
You take Your hand
And brush it softly across my cheek.
You don't like those tears.
You don't want to see that pain.
You pull my hair back and tenderly whisper to me,
Your Beloved...

"Do not fear.
I am here.
Let me take your pain.
Turn those tears into rain.
Hold onto me.
I will always be
Faithful to you, my love."

My soul knows this is truth.
In a world with greyness, doubt, and confusion.
It's the only thing of which I'm certain.
It's my only hope...
You're my only hope.


Whisper Life to Me.

May all else fade away.
As I rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Beneath His wing, I am guarded.
I am protected.
I am adored.

May His light cascade through me.
Through my entire being.
May my every pore drip with His love.
He is my delight.
Who have I, but Him?
My Prince.

He calls me to Him.
He beckons me.
With tears in His eyes.
He has always been there.
Waiting for me.
Waiting to carry me.
Hold me, love me, adore me.

Now here I am.
Whisper life to me, Jesus.
Show me life.
Life more abundantly.
Show me truth.
My King.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...