Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mother's Day, part one


"Mother’s Day is a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back."
~ Erma Bombeck ~
Do I truly deserve to be labeled "a mother" on Mother's Day? Do I deserve to be acknowledged as one of these set-apart? How strange it seems for someone to wish me a "Happy Mother's Day" as I live and breathe without the very soul that rendered me a mother. I mean, what is the appropriate response to this? 
"Thank you?"


Because how happy could I possibly feel on this day that reminds me of everything I lost, everything I long for, every dream I have for the future...a dream that doesn't seem like it will ever be in my grasp. To have a family of my own...To give birth to another beautiful baby, a healthy baby. A baby that I know will never, could never replace my beloved first born, yet would fulfill the longing I've carried with me since I was a young girl, to mother children here on earth. As an innocent, young girl, I would literally have dreams about finding a baby in the supermarket and I had to take her home with me to nurture and protect her. I was a rescuer, a champion for life. I see now God put that in my heart, even as a five-year-old...a passion for LIFE, for babies, for being a mother. Because He knew where I would end up one day. He knew what story He was going to script for me in the coming years and how He was to use me for His glory and purposes.
For me, this day is a day of the deepest sorrow one can know, yet the richest, most indescribable beauty and joy. For the rest of my life, I will be a mother. Her mother. What was once my greatest burden, getting pregnant out of marriage, has turned into my greatest delight. What a God we serve, that transforms even the most callous and broken of hearts into a glorious display of His healing power. 


And I truly believe with all that is in me that one day I will me a mommy to another precious life, a life that I will be responsible for raising in the ways of the Lord. Until that day, I'm proud to be her mother. Proud to carry her legacy with me everywhere I go...
You've made me a mommy, my Lily girl...thank you for giving me the greatest honor of my life.


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