Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Another Holiday Without Her

It's a big day for those of us who are Americans. It's a holiday I haven't really had the energy to celebrate in the last couple years. But, this year, I tried. My mom, brother, sister and I drove the 15 minutes to downtown Raleigh to watch the fireworks. And they were horrible. We thought we were being pretty smart by parking in a parking garage and then driving to the top, where there is a perfect view of the Raleigh skyline. From there, we expected the fireworks to be going off high in the sky. After waiting for an hour, we saw a teeny bit of them, but it definitely wasn't worth going out in traffic. The buildings blocked most of the display. We left before they were over, trying to beat the traffic. Trying to get out of the garage was a nightmare, leaving all of us on edge. Definitely won't be doing that again. I prefer to sit at home, celebrating quietly, perhaps with the Macy's Fireworks display playing on the television. I may even put forth the effort to dress in my red, white and blue.

Honestly, if Lily were here, this holiday and every holiday would be oh so different. I would love to dress up and dress my girl up patriotically. Maybe we would even match. I went to a 4th of July party at a friends house and loved seeing all the young kiddos with their adorable outfits on...just another thing I will never do with and for her...those moments catch me off guard when another piece of the puzzle I will never get to put together makes itself apparent. This is the first year I think she would really be excited about the fireworks and be able to participate more. Instead, I sit here imagining of all this day and every day might have held if she had lived...

"There isn't a little girl dancing through the twilight in a red, white and blue dress with 
a sparkler in her hand. And there should be. Oh, there should be." ~Angela Rodman

"America, you are beautiful. The ultimate test of your greatness is the way you treat every 
human being, but especially the weakest and most defenseless. If you want equal justice
for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend LIFE." ~JPII



  1. Oh Hannah, how I wish your sweet Lily was with you. Praying for you sweet friend.

  2. I'm so sorry Lily. I can definitely identify. The fireworks we saw were great but the traffic was terrible and I did find myself wishing Jake were there... even though he'd be too little to care about fireworks, in fact he probably would've been terrified... but at least he would have been with me.

    Many hugs and much love!

  3. Much love and light to you. I mentioned on my fb page how holidays don't seem magical anymore. I lost my son June 5 and I was looking forward to creating magical moments with him. Just like you, I hadn't expected grief to hit me then, but it did.



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