Wednesday, August 18, 2010

This Time

I've heard it plenty of times.
Each time, I grin from ear to ear.
Each time, my heart swells within me.
"Lily looks just like her mommy."
I thought so too.
Thank you.
You never got to see her legs, the same shape as mine.
Her nails, a miniature version of mine.
Her lips matched mine as a babe.
Her nose, an exact replica.
Someone said it again last night.
This time, the tears came.
This time, I wonder if she would still look like me, all these months later.
This time, I picture her lifeless body underground.
Still.
Quiet.
Forever.
This time I wonder if her eyes would look like mine.
This time I wonder if her hair would be curly, wild, blonde as mine was as a child.
Would she be short and stocky like I was?
Would she play with American Girl dolls?
Would she this?
Would she that?
If this.
If that.
I cried, thinking of all these possibilities and a life that I'll never know past 40 weeks, 2 days.
40 weeks.
2 days.
That's all I'll ever know.

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This post left me:

6 comments:

  1. (((hugs))) I wonder the same things...Alyssa had my EXACT hands, her dads feet my nose and that is all I will every get to know =**(

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  2. praying for you!!!! :) keep your chin up girl. love ya!

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  3. I've had many of these thoughts and wrote about them on my blog too. (((HUGS))) You remain in my prayers.

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  4. My heart swells EVERY SINGLE TIME someone picks out something in Matthew that's just like me. It makes me so happy and so wistful at the same time.

    Lots of love, sweet girl!!
    xoxo

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  5. Sending you love and hugs right now.

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  6. Thinking of you and Lily and sending lots of hugs.

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