Auntie Em Turns 23!

My little sister Emmaline had a birthday on May 19th!

It feels like just yesterday I was a smitten new big sister holding her for the first time and somehow now that lil' baby is 23!

She's still just as adorable as ever, with her blonde-haired, blue-eyed, talkative, bubbly, sweet petite self.

Happy Birthday, Bub!

Love, Sis ❤️ 🎂 🎈 🎁 🌹 🎉 🎊 😘 

Here are some photos of Lily's Auntie Em! :) You can click here to read blog entries about her.

Summer 2014 - visiting Lily's special spot

November 2009 - 25 weeks with Lily

Auntie Em with sweet Lily girl on March 16, 2010

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My Brave Sister

I was looking through photos from the time we spent in the hospital with Lily. There are a select favorite few that I look at more than the others.

I came across one of my little sister, Emmaline, holding Lily. She was 15 at the time. It's hard to believe she'll be 23 this year. In this photo, she's sweetly looking down at her long-awaited and treasured niece. Emma's finger is placed in Lily's hand, almost like her little fingers wrapped themselves around it... as they would have had she lived.

This one photo brought back a flood of memories from the day of Lily's birth. I tear up as I think of how brave my little sister was. I know that it's extremely uncomfortable to even think about a baby dying unexpectedly. How are you supposed to respond? Do you hold the baby? Do you take pictures? For me, there was never a question whether or not I'd hold and meet Lily. But that wasn't such a simple decision for others... my dad never even saw Lily. Neither of my brothers held her. One friend held her, but she had a look of horror and discomfort on her face the entire time. My sweet mom/Lily's grandmother, her daddy, and my sister held her without reservation or shock.

Oh, Bub (what we call my sister). The youngest of us responded so lovingly, gently, sweetly. She wasn't afraid of the pain and unknowns. She took several pictures of and with her niece that night we were in the postpartum room. She clasped her hands together for the photos. She rocked her, and held her, and made memories with her.

She loved her, and this is just how that love was shown. She had loved her all those months of awaiting her arrival. She was the first person besides me to feel her kick.

My brave and beautiful sister. Auntie Em. ❤️

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Lily's Beloved Auntie

On Saturday, I shared on both my blog and Instagram about how much it haunts and hurts that I never got to meet Lily outside of the womb or gaze into her eyes.

My little sister, Emma, commented on that post and said, "I feel the same way to this day, even as simply her auntie. ❤️ I love you so much. Never forget the strength gained from such a loss."

When I read her words, I burst into tears. I can't explain how much they mean to me. Sometimes it feels like my sister doesn't think about or care about Lily as much as she once did, because she rarely talks about her. And she doesn't spend March 16 with me.

I was honestly shocked by her comment. I guess it goes to show that not everybody expresses their feelings in the same way, but that doesn't mean they don't care or have forgotten. Maybe it's too painful for her to share in the way I do.

I feel sad for my little sister, who lost her niece at only 15. She was still a kid herself in so many ways. Lily was going to be living in the same home with her Auntie Em, so that feels like a dream snatched away. Emma was thrilled to be an auntie. She has always been good with babies. She absolutely adores them. That is such a heavy loss to carry at 15.

I clearly remember one of the first times I felt Lily kicking and moving and reaching for my sister's hand to feel. What sacred moments that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. My sister was one of the only people to hold Lily on this side of Heaven, one of the only people who felt her kicking in the womb, one of the only people present for ultrasounds where we listened to Lily's heart beating strongly and watched her dancing, one of the only people in the delivery room on March 16, 2010. The first tears I cried on that day were when I heard my sweet little sister crying, jolting me to reality.

Bub, you will always be Lily's beloved auntie. She knew your voice and felt your love. The joy we experienced those months with Lily can never be taken away. She was and is part of our "girl's club."

Summer 2014 - visiting Lily's special spot with Auntie Em

November 2009 - 25 weeks with Lily and Auntie Em

Auntie Em with sweet Lily girl on March 16, 2010

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Auntie Em

Today, May 19, is my sister Emmaline's 18th birthday! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUB!

A picture I took of Bub last spring, for her junior year of high-school

I am thanking the Lord for you! I am thankful He saw fit to make us sisters. It is a blessing and joy to be witness to how Jesus is working in your life. I am expecting that as the coming year unfolds, it will be the best yet, because you now walk hand in hand with Him! :-)

Emmaline went to Ellerslie Leadership Training from February through April of this year. While she was there, Jesus captured her heart. She surrendered all to Him. And it got me thinking...

The only reason she went to Ellerslie is because I did first. The only reason I went to Ellerslie is because of Lily. Because of how God worked in my life through my little girl. Now my brother, Joseph, is also hoping to go to Ellerslie one day soon. 

Look how God is still using Lily Katherine's precious LIFE. This truly is just the beginning of the ripple effects of her beautiful legacy. 

I thought her story was already written. I thought it was over. Yet, each day, I see more and more that her story of LIFE is still being written, by the very Author of LIFE. Each day, He gives me another glimpse of the beautiful tapestry He is weaving. 

I see a little more clearly, each time He reveals something new. And one glorious day, I will see the whole thing.

When I was pregnant with Lily, we called my sister Auntie Em. Oh, she was so excited to be an aunt to a sweet little baby girl. She was devastated when we lost her. Even though Lily's not here, she will always be Auntie Em. She will always first be the aunt of Lily. I hope one day she will have more nieces and nephews to love on, rather than a little girl she held briefly in her arms and now forever in her heart.

Happy Birthday, Auntie Em! I am thankful Lily has such an amazing aunt that loves her so much!

Auntie Em and sweet Lily girl on March 16, 2010

Emmaline and I at her Ellerslie graduation on April 15, 2012

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