Rose and Her Lily: Lily's Beloved Auntie

Monday, February 29, 2016

Lily's Beloved Auntie

On Saturday, I shared on both my blog and Instagram about how much it haunts and hurts that I never got to meet Lily outside of the womb or gaze into her eyes.

My little sister, Emma, commented on that post and said, "I feel the same way to this day, even as simply her auntie. ❤️ I love you so much. Never forget the strength gained from such a loss."

When I read her words, I burst into tears. I can't explain how much they mean to me. Sometimes it feels like my sister doesn't think about or care about Lily as much as she once did, because she rarely talks about her. And she doesn't spend March 16 with me.

I was honestly shocked by her comment. I guess it goes to show that not everybody expresses their feelings in the same way, but that doesn't mean they don't care or have forgotten. Maybe it's too painful for her to share in the way I do.

I feel sad for my little sister, who lost her niece at only 15. She was still a kid herself in so many ways. Lily was going to be living in the same home with her Auntie Em, so that feels like a dream snatched away. Emma was thrilled to be an auntie. She has always been good with babies. She absolutely adores them. That is such a heavy loss to carry at 15.

I clearly remember one of the first times I felt Lily kicking and moving and reaching for my sister's hand to feel. What sacred moments that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. My sister was one of the only people to hold Lily on this side of Heaven, one of the only people who felt her kicking in the womb, one of the only people present for ultrasounds where we listened to Lily's heart beating strongly and watched her dancing, one of the only people in the delivery room on March 16, 2010. The first tears I cried on that day were when I heard my sweet little sister crying, jolting me to reality.

Bub, you will always be Lily's beloved auntie. She knew your voice and felt your love. The joy we experienced those months with Lily can never be taken away. She was and is part of our "girl's club."