Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Good To Me

I recently shared about how difficult it is for me when children are due and then born on or around Lily's birthday. Today I saw another friend of mine from 9th grade who was due with and had her daughter last year on March 14th, Lily's due date.

I know another friend from my junior year of high-school that had her son on the exact same day I had Lily - March 16th, 2010.

I can think of at least two other people off the top of my head, one person from last year and one person this year, whose babies share Lily's due date.

I hear the whispers of the enemy, attempting to convince me that my God loves these women and their babies more than He loves me and Lily. A good God wouldn't allow such suffering. He's left me on my own, the only one whose lost a child and the only one who doesn't have a man in my life and able to have another baby.

As I have been struggling with this today, I have searched for something positive and uplifting in it. There has to be some lesson God wants to teach me, something He wants to cultivate in my spiritual life. Honestly though, I can think of no reason why I have to see multiple people have healthy babies on the same date that mine died.

And it hit me... We won't always see the "why" behind suffering. We won't always understand what God is doing or why He does the things He does and allows the things He does. When we cannot understand, we can trust His character. I am called to trust in the dark. I am to have faith, even when it hurts and there are shadows cast over the heavy questions I carry.

I must remind myself of truth - God wouldn't let Lily die because He doesn't love us as much. That's not the way He operates.

Suffering is not for nothing.

Don't let the lies of the enemy of your soul seep into your heart. Expose his lies, rather than meditating upon them. Choose instead to dwell on God's goodness. Play songs, like this one below, on repeat when you need to remind yourself of who He is. Email subscribers click HERE to listen.

"Good To Me"
by Audrey Assad

I put all my hope in the truth of Your promise
And I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness
When I'm bowed down with sorrow I will lift up Your name
And the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me

I lift up my eyes to the hills where my help is found
Your voice fills the night - raise my head up to hear the sound
Though fires burn all around me I will praise You, my God
And the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me

Your goodness and mercy shall follow me
All my life
I will trust in Your promise

I cannot comprehend the glory that is coming. With all I am, I believe I will get to raise my little girl and I will realize tangibly and completely that I didn't miss anything - even if it feels like I have right now. Glory is coming.


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