#ButterfliesforLily #AndBumma
Showing posts with label Bumma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bumma. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Butterfly Journal
My sweet and thoughtful big brother heard me say I like this butterfly journal so he got it for me. 😌 #ButterfliesforLily #AndBumma
#ButterfliesforLily #AndBumma
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
Grandparents Day
Sunday was Grandparents Day. Each year, it falls on a different date sometime in September. But I always think of it (I remember details and dates vividly) because it is right around the date that I first told my mom that she was a grandmother.
It was September 8th, 2009 when I called my mom on the phone and told her about our little Lily love. Over hours on the phone, the Lord restored our relationship and knit our hearts together in a new way, over our shared love for the precious wee babe growing in my womb. I was around 13 1/2 weeks gestation at that point. My mom says she feels like she was deprived all those weeks of knowing and loving Lily while she was here.
She is Lily's grandmother. Lily was her first-born granddarling. And she always will be. It takes a special kind of Grammy to learn to grandmother their granddarling of Heaven, with love that reaches across realms. Lily was my mom's only born grandchild for 6 years. Now she has my niece Harvest, who brings light into our lives. But there is always that Lily-sized piece missing... in every family photo and every holiday celebration. She will always hold her own place in the Allen family that time or new babies can never change.
I went to the Green Valley Book Fair in October 2009, when I was pregnant with Lily. I got my mom a Mary Engelbreight book called "When a child is born, so is a grandmother."
"Grandparents cry twice. They cry for their grandchild that died, and they cry for the inconsolable grief their own child has to bear." ~Mary Lou Reed
Time, distance, and even death cannot thwart the love of a grandparent.
Though I miss my own dear grandmother, my Bumma, with all my aching heart, I'm incredibly thankful the Lord gifted me with nearly 28 years with her. My best friend, my mentor, my grief counselor, my sister in Christ. She is a treasure to each and everyone who knew her and I am somehow privileged enough to call her my grandmother and my daughter's great-grandmother. As so many people have told me since her passing, all of Crozet is missing her and feeling her absence. I'm convinced that all of Virginia, where she lived all of her 85 years, is missing her. ❤️
It was September 8th, 2009 when I called my mom on the phone and told her about our little Lily love. Over hours on the phone, the Lord restored our relationship and knit our hearts together in a new way, over our shared love for the precious wee babe growing in my womb. I was around 13 1/2 weeks gestation at that point. My mom says she feels like she was deprived all those weeks of knowing and loving Lily while she was here.
She is Lily's grandmother. Lily was her first-born granddarling. And she always will be. It takes a special kind of Grammy to learn to grandmother their granddarling of Heaven, with love that reaches across realms. Lily was my mom's only born grandchild for 6 years. Now she has my niece Harvest, who brings light into our lives. But there is always that Lily-sized piece missing... in every family photo and every holiday celebration. She will always hold her own place in the Allen family that time or new babies can never change.
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| my mom and Lily on March 16, 2010 🌸 |
I went to the Green Valley Book Fair in October 2009, when I was pregnant with Lily. I got my mom a Mary Engelbreight book called "When a child is born, so is a grandmother."
Now, because of everything that happened with losing Lily, I cringe a little bit at the title... because I realize that my mom became a grandmother, not the moment when Lily was born, but the moment she was conceived. She didn't lose her status as a grandmother because Lily died. It's still a special book, knowing I got it for my mom while Lily was here. I even have the dust jacket in Lily's scrapbook.
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| my sister, mom, and I when I was pregnant with Lily (March 2010) |
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| My mom and I at her granddarling's special spot |
Time, distance, and even death cannot thwart the love of a grandparent.
Though I miss my own dear grandmother, my Bumma, with all my aching heart, I'm incredibly thankful the Lord gifted me with nearly 28 years with her. My best friend, my mentor, my grief counselor, my sister in Christ. She is a treasure to each and everyone who knew her and I am somehow privileged enough to call her my grandmother and my daughter's great-grandmother. As so many people have told me since her passing, all of Crozet is missing her and feeling her absence. I'm convinced that all of Virginia, where she lived all of her 85 years, is missing her. ❤️
Friday, August 11, 2017
Remembered in the U.K.
My friend Hannah in the U.K. 🇬🇧 was so sweet to remember my family at Southport Beach. It means the world to know my two L's and my Bumma are cared about across the pond. 😌 ❤️ 🌊 ☀️ 🌴 🐚 🐳 🐬 🐟 🐠 🐢
Friday, July 14, 2017
Ocean Isle Beach 🌊
I'm thankful for the unexpected blessing of a couple days at Ocean Isle Beach with dear friends.
"Do you not fear Me?" declares the LORD "Do you not tremble in My presence? For I have placed the sand as a boundary for the sea, An eternal decree, so it cannot cross over it. Though the waves toss, yet they cannot prevail; Though they roar, yet they cannot cross over it." ~Jeremiah 5:22
Of course sweet Lily girl came along for the trip. I took the opportunity to honor her on the beach a few times. With all the adventure and fun life brings, she is always missed and always included. 🌊 ❤️ ☀️ 🐚 🐳 🐬 🐟 🐠 🐢 🌴
"Do you not fear Me?" declares the LORD "Do you not tremble in My presence? For I have placed the sand as a boundary for the sea, An eternal decree, so it cannot cross over it. Though the waves toss, yet they cannot prevail; Though they roar, yet they cannot cross over it." ~Jeremiah 5:22
Of course sweet Lily girl came along for the trip. I took the opportunity to honor her on the beach a few times. With all the adventure and fun life brings, she is always missed and always included. 🌊 ❤️ ☀️ 🐚 🐳 🐬 🐟 🐠 🐢 🌴
We had a gorgeous couple days and were staying at a beautiful place!
The Lord is my favorite Artist! 🌴 🌴 🌴
Finders keepers 🐚
We had such fun visiting our cousin Suzie who lives at the beach where we were. She's Bumma's niece and it feels like a little piece of my grandmother to be around her and hear stories I've never heard before. Suzie was the flower girl in my grandparent's wedding.
Our friend Terri is our Bible study leader. She is one-of-a-kind and we treasure the gift she is in our lives! She is truly one of the most hospitable people I've ever known and I want to be like her. Not only that, but she loves the Lord with all her being, laughs with us, and is just all around a fun person. :)
I was introduced to the game Spikeball... it's super fun!
Seaside dining
A couple videos I took:
Thursday, July 6, 2017
Cinderella 🎭 🎼
Being part of the "Cinderella" cast at Spiritual Twist Productions in the Raleigh, North Carolina area has been a highlight of my year thus far. I almost didn't go to auditions and wasn't sure I would be able to make the time commitment.
Then with Bumma's unexpected passing in April, it felt like an inconvenient time to be a part of a play. I see now though that God knew it would be a positive and uplifting thing for me to be involved in, especially because it's been a difficult season with other things going on as well. He knew I would need the fellowship, something to focus on, and the reminders of the themes found in the play. I'm clinging to these truths... that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, He grants us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). And when we face trials of many kinds, we are to count it ALL as joy (James 1:2), knowing He promises to work ALL things together for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).
I've looked forward to each rehearsal and have enjoyed the time getting to know the cast and laughing and learning with them. It's also been interesting and has given me an all new appreciation for everything that goes into putting together one of the STP plays: the costumes, set, makeup, music, dancing, sound, lights, etc. I had been in an American Girl play as a child and was involved in Drama in high-school, but STP is truly special in that it's Christ-centered. My family and friends who came to see "Cinderella" were seriously blown away by how talented everyone is and how well-done it was.
My friend Lindy and I met in Colorado in the Fall of 2011 at Ellerslie. Out of all semesters we could have gone to, we went to the same one and discovered we live in the same area of the country. She told me all about STP while we were there and introduced me to the plays in early 2012. I've been hooked ever since! STP is a gem of Raleigh! If Lily were here, I'd want to sign her up. It makes my heart very sad that I can't. My sister-in-law Kala and I go to as many of the plays as possible together. It was a neat experience to be on this side of a play this time. It made it even more special that Lindy and I were able to be in one together and that she was Cinderella!
I played a mouse named Daisy, sticking with the flower theme in my life. :) It was special too since daisies were Bumma's favorite flower. I think we animals had the most fun of anyone. ;)
I am thankful for the friends and family who were able to make it to the play! One couple who are friends celebrated their Anniversary by seeing "Cinderella." My friend's adorable 4-year-old daughter came dressed as a princess and kept yelling my name each time I came on stage. Too cute! Kiddos asked for photos afterwards and for us to sign their programs. It was adorable.
It was fun for my family to see it brought to life after hearing me talk about it for months. I will be getting the DVD of the play and I know some of you have expressed interest in seeing it that way. Let me know if you'd like to! I've been trying to step out of my comfort zone and be more adventurous this year, so this was one of the ways I've done that. 😄 ❤️ 🐭 🐱 🐶 🎭 🎼
Then with Bumma's unexpected passing in April, it felt like an inconvenient time to be a part of a play. I see now though that God knew it would be a positive and uplifting thing for me to be involved in, especially because it's been a difficult season with other things going on as well. He knew I would need the fellowship, something to focus on, and the reminders of the themes found in the play. I'm clinging to these truths... that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, He grants us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). And when we face trials of many kinds, we are to count it ALL as joy (James 1:2), knowing He promises to work ALL things together for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).
I've looked forward to each rehearsal and have enjoyed the time getting to know the cast and laughing and learning with them. It's also been interesting and has given me an all new appreciation for everything that goes into putting together one of the STP plays: the costumes, set, makeup, music, dancing, sound, lights, etc. I had been in an American Girl play as a child and was involved in Drama in high-school, but STP is truly special in that it's Christ-centered. My family and friends who came to see "Cinderella" were seriously blown away by how talented everyone is and how well-done it was.
My friend Lindy and I met in Colorado in the Fall of 2011 at Ellerslie. Out of all semesters we could have gone to, we went to the same one and discovered we live in the same area of the country. She told me all about STP while we were there and introduced me to the plays in early 2012. I've been hooked ever since! STP is a gem of Raleigh! If Lily were here, I'd want to sign her up. It makes my heart very sad that I can't. My sister-in-law Kala and I go to as many of the plays as possible together. It was a neat experience to be on this side of a play this time. It made it even more special that Lindy and I were able to be in one together and that she was Cinderella!
I played a mouse named Daisy, sticking with the flower theme in my life. :) It was special too since daisies were Bumma's favorite flower. I think we animals had the most fun of anyone. ;)
I am thankful for the friends and family who were able to make it to the play! One couple who are friends celebrated their Anniversary by seeing "Cinderella." My friend's adorable 4-year-old daughter came dressed as a princess and kept yelling my name each time I came on stage. Too cute! Kiddos asked for photos afterwards and for us to sign their programs. It was adorable.
It was fun for my family to see it brought to life after hearing me talk about it for months. I will be getting the DVD of the play and I know some of you have expressed interest in seeing it that way. Let me know if you'd like to! I've been trying to step out of my comfort zone and be more adventurous this year, so this was one of the ways I've done that. 😄 ❤️ 🐭 🐱 🐶 🎭 🎼
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| Cinderella's animal friends |
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This is my "twin" Oopsie... Oopsie Daisy :)
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| My friend Ashley gave me this in honor of being in the play :) |
Monday, July 3, 2017
She Great-Grandmothered Her Legacy
One of the dreams it's difficult to let go of is my lifelong dream of having Bumma attend my wedding and get to meet and know my future children and have them know her... especially when she would have been able to had I gotten married at the age I would have liked (you can't exactly force it to happen, or at least you shouldn't).
It adds another layer of complication for my heart when I think that Bumma would have known Lily and Lily for sure would remember Bumma well by age 7.
As I give these buried dreams to Jesus, realizing they can never be realized on Earth and feeling confused knowing He could have made it happen, I feel a peace enveloping my heart.
As I reflect back on my relationship with Bumma through my life, my childhood was sweet. But I am most thankful Bumma got to see me grow into an adult, and even more so a mother. She watched as the Lord transformed my heart.
As Ed Sheeran sings in his song "Supermarket Flowers" that reminds me of Bumma: "You (she) got to see the person I have become."
Bumma was a part of my mothering Lily's legacy. She great-grandmothered her legacy. She knew and loved Lily because she had the special bond that a great-grandmother has with her great-granddaughter, even if they never officially "met." And she knew her through me. She was a part of my daughter's life and legacy in such a beautiful and intricate way...
She visited the cemetery with me frequently and decorated her spot for me when I couldn't.
She gushed over her scrapbook pages that I pored my time and attention on.
She visited the hospital where Lily was born on her birthday one year and delivered comfort boxes and cupcakes for the nurses.
She got to see the sacred room where Heaven met Earth and Lily was born (there "just so happened" to be nobody in there that day).
She painted her nails pink and blue with me for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and lit candles with me for the International Wave of Light.
She went on a Remembrance Walk in Harrisonburg when we were both on the local news.
She created a handmade memorial stocking for her first-born great-granddaughter.
She was a part of Lily's Butterfly Release.
She was a part of her Stone Placement Ceremony.
She was a part of her birthday celebrations... and every other thing I've done for and because of Lily. She'd be sure to invite the family to these gatherings
She even came to hear me speak at my very first banquet, which was held at THE BEACH on Bumma's 82nd birthday (shout out to my Aunt Nana for driving her all that way to make it!). This is Bumma wearing the t-shirt she was given at that banquet.
A lady stopped by Bumma's house when we were working on cleaning it out last weekend and asked if my name is "Rose." She told me Bumma would always talk about me and excitedly told her about getting to hear me speak. She was proud of me for being vulnerable with sharing my story. She wasn't ashamed of the choices I had made, but praised the Lord for how He turned the story around and worked it for my good and His glory.
She supported me and loved me in my own version of motherhood. She eagerly anticipated each new blog post and devoured every word as soon as it arrived in her inbox (I called her my #1 blog follower and somehow it brought me comfort knowing she was always there reading). She even sometimes battled her smartphone to leave me short but sweet comments. ;) She'd always be on the lookout to get me all things rose and lily or butterfly related and told me when she ate something red-velvet or heard of something that reminded her of me and Lily or anything babyloss/pro-life related. We were always deep in her heart.
Our bond deepened indescribably when I was an adult because we both know what it means to bury a baby. Her support that came from a place of understanding cannot be measured. She made me a better mother and was truly one of the dearest and closest friends I'll ever have.
So though I'm sad she won't hold my future children and they won't know her, though I wish she could attend my wedding... it brings so much joy as I focus on all I have to be thankful for... Bumma so beautifully held Lily in her heart while here and she now holds her in her arms. They have each other and that is amazing. She will be an honored guest at my wedding and my children will know her still, for she lives on in all of us she's shaped and left her forever mark on. ❤️
It adds another layer of complication for my heart when I think that Bumma would have known Lily and Lily for sure would remember Bumma well by age 7.
As I give these buried dreams to Jesus, realizing they can never be realized on Earth and feeling confused knowing He could have made it happen, I feel a peace enveloping my heart.
As I reflect back on my relationship with Bumma through my life, my childhood was sweet. But I am most thankful Bumma got to see me grow into an adult, and even more so a mother. She watched as the Lord transformed my heart.
As Ed Sheeran sings in his song "Supermarket Flowers" that reminds me of Bumma: "You (she) got to see the person I have become."
Bumma was a part of my mothering Lily's legacy. She great-grandmothered her legacy. She knew and loved Lily because she had the special bond that a great-grandmother has with her great-granddaughter, even if they never officially "met." And she knew her through me. She was a part of my daughter's life and legacy in such a beautiful and intricate way...
She visited the cemetery with me frequently and decorated her spot for me when I couldn't.
She gushed over her scrapbook pages that I pored my time and attention on.
She visited the hospital where Lily was born on her birthday one year and delivered comfort boxes and cupcakes for the nurses.
She got to see the sacred room where Heaven met Earth and Lily was born (there "just so happened" to be nobody in there that day).
She painted her nails pink and blue with me for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and lit candles with me for the International Wave of Light.
She went on a Remembrance Walk in Harrisonburg when we were both on the local news.
She created a handmade memorial stocking for her first-born great-granddaughter.
She was a part of Lily's Butterfly Release.
She was a part of her Stone Placement Ceremony.
She was a part of her birthday celebrations... and every other thing I've done for and because of Lily. She'd be sure to invite the family to these gatherings
She even came to hear me speak at my very first banquet, which was held at THE BEACH on Bumma's 82nd birthday (shout out to my Aunt Nana for driving her all that way to make it!). This is Bumma wearing the t-shirt she was given at that banquet.
A lady stopped by Bumma's house when we were working on cleaning it out last weekend and asked if my name is "Rose." She told me Bumma would always talk about me and excitedly told her about getting to hear me speak. She was proud of me for being vulnerable with sharing my story. She wasn't ashamed of the choices I had made, but praised the Lord for how He turned the story around and worked it for my good and His glory.
She supported me and loved me in my own version of motherhood. She eagerly anticipated each new blog post and devoured every word as soon as it arrived in her inbox (I called her my #1 blog follower and somehow it brought me comfort knowing she was always there reading). She even sometimes battled her smartphone to leave me short but sweet comments. ;) She'd always be on the lookout to get me all things rose and lily or butterfly related and told me when she ate something red-velvet or heard of something that reminded her of me and Lily or anything babyloss/pro-life related. We were always deep in her heart.
Our bond deepened indescribably when I was an adult because we both know what it means to bury a baby. Her support that came from a place of understanding cannot be measured. She made me a better mother and was truly one of the dearest and closest friends I'll ever have.
So though I'm sad she won't hold my future children and they won't know her, though I wish she could attend my wedding... it brings so much joy as I focus on all I have to be thankful for... Bumma so beautifully held Lily in her heart while here and she now holds her in her arms. They have each other and that is amazing. She will be an honored guest at my wedding and my children will know her still, for she lives on in all of us she's shaped and left her forever mark on. ❤️
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