That Positive Sign Too Soon Turned to Flowers for a Stone

This is something I shared on my blog 2 years ago this month that touched my heart re-reading it, so I want to share it again:

When I was in Charlottesville a couple weeks ago on our girl's trip, my sister, friends, and I went to Kroger to get a few snacks.

This is the same Kroger I went to in the summer of 2009 to get the pregnancy tests that confirmed Lily was on her way. There's currently a lot of construction and changes going on, so it looks very different than how I remember it. I don't think I've even been there since that summer.

I picked out a lovely fresh bouquet of flowers to take to Lily's spot and just felt very sad at how everything turned out, how much I never could have dreamed things would go in the past 5+ years.

From the beginning of Lily's life, getting those pregnancy tests, and all the crazy emotions that came with that.... to the end of Lily's life, getting flowers for her headstone, and all the crazy emotions that come with that.

It reminded me of a post I wrote last November called "From pregnancy test to headstone."

It also made me think of a poem I wrote this June where the last part says, "That positive sign too soon turned to words etched in stone. It all started with those two lines in June."

Oh, the irony of getting one thing that marked the beginning of her life at the same store that I am now getting another thing that marks the end. That positive sign too soon turned to flowers for a stone.

But you know what the beautiful part in it all is?

The beautiful part is how God changed my heart in the time between that pregnancy test and those flowers... how at first I saw my unborn child as a burden. And how now I see her as a blessing and love her more than anyone in this world. And how I got her a beautiful stone and take her fresh flowers because I love her so much.

The sadness I feel in missing her is even a tribute to how God changes our hearts at the core, and a testimony to the sanctity of each irreplaceable, precious life. 💕💐🎃

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That Positive Sign Too Soon Turned to Flowers for a Stone

When I was in Charlottesville a couple weeks ago, my sister, friends, and I went to Kroger to get a few snacks.

This is the same Kroger I went to in the summer of 2009 to get the pregnancy tests that confirmed Lily was on her way. There's currently a lot of construction and changes going on, so it looks very different than how I remember it. I don't think I've even been there since that summer.

I picked out a lovely fresh bouquet of flowers to take to Lily's spot and just felt very sad at how everything turned out, how much I never could have dreamed things would go in the past 5+ years.

From the beginning of Lily's life, getting those pregnancy tests, and all the crazy emotions that came with that.... to the end of Lily's life, getting flowers for her headstone, and all the crazy emotions that come with that.

It reminded me of a post I wrote last November called "From pregnancy test to headstone."

It also made me think of a poem I wrote this June where the last part says, "That positive sign too soon turned to words etched in stone. It all started with those two lines in June."

Oh, the irony of getting one thing that marked the beginning of her life at the same store that I am now getting another thing that marks the end. That positive sign too soon turned to flowers for a stone.

But you know what the beautiful part in it all is?

The beautiful part is how God changed my heart in the time between that pregnancy test and those flowers... how at first I saw my unborn child as a burden. And how now I see her as a blessing and love her more than anyone in this world. And how I got her a beautiful stone and take her fresh flowers because I love her so much.

The sadness I feel in missing her is even a tribute to how God changes our hearts at the core, and a testimony to the sanctity of each irreplaceable, precious LIFE.

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From Pregnancy Test to Headstone

On November 2nd, the morning of Lily's stone placement and her stone placement ceremony, I went to the Lowe's Home Improvement store in Charlottesville, Virginia to pick up something I needed last minute for the installation process. As I was pulling into the parking lot, I realized that the Kroger where I had gotten the pregnancy test that confirmed I was pregnant with Lily was literally right across the street from Lowe's. 

The irony of that moment didn't escape me. Two places side-by-side - one symbolizes the beginning of her life, the other symbolizes the end. From pregnancy test to headstone. I never imagined just 4 years would separate those two moments. I never imagined walking out of that Kroger with pregnancy test in hand that one day I'd be walking out of that Lowe's with supplies for a headstone installation and that I'd be reflecting on it all... I never imagined I'd be where I am today. All that God has done between that day... as a scared 19-year-old finding out I was pregnant and not wanting a baby... to now... as a mother who loves and misses my daughter more than I could ever imagine and wanting to get the most beautiful stone to honor and celebrate my baby's brief, yet brilliant life. It's amazing to think about... how He changed and continues to change my life with hers. How I've grown up and matured so much because of her... So many memories and emotions flooded my heart in this moment.

This might seem like just a small coincidence, but the fact that I even went to the Lowe's that day was by the hand of God. I only found out late the night before the installation that I'd need something from the store. I almost went to a different store. And I have lived in North Carolina since early in my pregnancy with Lily for all these years since then. Her life began in Virginia and now her resting spot is in Virginia. I believe that God had me go to that Lowe's to be reminded afresh of the beauty of Lily's life and legacy, how He has a plan and purpose, and what a redeeming and merciful God He is. What a gift to be reminded...

It will take our breath away to see the beauty that He's made out of the ashes...

The photos below were taken in Charlottesville right near Kroger and Lowe's on the morning of Lily's stone placement... I love the mist, the blue sky, and the beautiful colors of the trees... I am thankful for what a gorgeous day it was.

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