Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Happy First Birthday, My Darling

Lily Katherine (3.16.2010)
From Calvin's Cupcakes

I feel much as I did last year. Lots of tears, a headache and really bad nerve pain in my back. I really have no idea where that came from. The pain woke me up early this morning and I rolled over to see 6:39 staring back at me. It might have been the very moment last year I found out she was gone. The very moment Dr. M told me her heart had stopped.

The gloomy, gray sky is just as it was last year. At first thought, I wish it was sunny with blue skies. But, this is a small reminder that my precious Lord's heart grieves with my heart. It would feel wrong for people to be bouncing around happily with bright skies. The dark skies almost seem respectful to her. 

I feel my Great Comforter's Hand on my heart today. He whispers to me softly, "I am not far off." Then I envision my tiny helpless babe opening her eyes for the first time and beholding her Creator. Did she know it was Him? And He is so tender and loving with her, speaking gently His words of adoration. 

And He tells me I'm to become like her. (Matthew 18:3)

Become like Lily? Pure. Dependent upon my Father God for all my needs, just as fully as a babe depends.

And I'm reminded of last year on March 16th and how I was so broken that all was left for me to do was cry out for hope, beg for comfort, plead for peace. And He met me there. Oh, He always meets me where I am. And He offered more hope and peace than I ever could have asked for. 

Today is no different. Today my heart breaks all over again and I miss her like I lost her yesterday. And His Hand is on my shoulder and He says He'll cry with me. 

And somehow she doesn't feel too far off today. He is with me and she is with Him.


Happy First Heavenly Birthday, my darling...I can only imagine the celebration...


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This post left me:

10 comments:

  1. No doubt she opened her little eyes to the face of Jesus ad sits with him at this very moment. God loves us so much more than we can ever understand. Sending up prayers for peace for you today.

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  2. Hannah Rose,

    I am thankful that the Lord is helping to give you the strength to get through these painful memories.

    You are beautiful Hannah, and so is Lily. Both of you are precious in the sight of the Lord! :)

    Blessings,

    -LR

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  3. Sending you many prayers. I know today is not an easy day for you but there are many of us remembering Lily with you. Happy heavenly birthday sweet baby girl!

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  4. Hannah, I wish I could hold you and let you weep in my arms. <3 Thinking of you today, thinking of your sweet sweet perfect baby Lily.

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  5. Hannah...my heart aches with yours today! Thinking of and praying extra for you. And remembering sweet Lily with you <3 Love you girl! Happy Birthday, Lily.

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  6. Happy birthday Lily! Watch over your momma today and always.

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  7. Your words are so beautiful! You are right, He is not far off...

    Hugs and prayers...

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  8. THanks for stopping by my blog...and Happy Birthday to your sweet baby! It STILL amazes me how Christ can comfort us and sweep in just when we need him too...I know how hard that first birthday is, I think they will ALL be hard, Bethanys 2nd is in a few weeks and I know God will get me through. Praying for you today!

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  9. Just Sending you Love and Blowing your angel lots of kisses.

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