Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Perfect for Her

I have been having issues with Lily's vase on her stone. When I went up with my family to Massanutten in Virginia over New Years, I got to visit Lily's special spot a couple times. My aunt, uncle, and grandmother all told me that at different times when they've visited the cemetery, her vase had fallen over. I was afraid something like that might happen because it has never been sturdy since it was first installed in November. It has always been wobbly and not snug in the hole. I assumed it would just take a while for it to settle, however it hasn't.

I stressed out all week when I was in Virginia about how I was going to fix it before I had to leave to come back to North Carolina. I had no idea what to do because I installed the vase the exact way the monument company told me to - with the screw and adhesive stuff that I had also used on the actual stone. I didn't want to leave Lily's spot knowing her vase was going to keep falling over, especially when it gets windy (the vase is not very heavy). I decided to go by the hardware store to get some supplies, then my brothers were going to help me fix the vase right before leaving Virginia.

Well, as soon as we got to the cemetery with our new supplies, we discovered that because the vase had fallen over, dirt and water had gotten into the hole where the screw is supposed to go. And that week was really cold, so the water and dirt was frozen in the hole and the vase wouldn't even go all the way in because of it.

My grandmother and brothers said I will just need to wait until spring when everything warms up and thaws out and then we will fix it. I was feeling really sad that I wouldn't be able to have the vase fixed before I left. I gave Lily's vase to my grandmother to keep safe until I can make a trip back sometime when it warms up. I don't want it just flopped over at the cemetery to break, get blown away, or stolen. I put her little tree on top of where the vase is supposed to go. There was a light snow dusting on the ground.

My grandmother was trying to make me feel better by saying it looked fine and doesn't have to be perfect... I know it doesn't have to be perfect.

But, later I started thinking about what she said and realized that yes, I do want it to be perfect for her. The thing is, this is the only way I get to parent Lily, by making her stone look beautiful and stay clean and decorated. This is all I get to do for my child... I do want it to be perfect for her. After so long of waiting for her stone, I want it to look perfect. It's only been up since November and there is already a problem. 

I know this might seem silly and like not a big deal, but to me it is a big deal. I don't want there to be just an empty hole on the foundation (the tree keeps blowing over too). I don't want people to visit Lily's spot to see her stone for the first time and it not be perfect. I don't want them to wonder what that empty hole and extra area on that side of the foundation is for. I don't want them to bring her flowers and have to leave them on the ground, rather than in her beautiful vase. I especially want it to be perfect for her birthday... which is why I am planning on making a trip up for Lily's birthday, so I can fix her vase myself then and get everything decorated and just perfect for people to see. I don't want her spot to look abandoned or neglected, like nobody cares. I want everyone who sees her stone to know that her mommy loves her very much.

I have been emailing back and forth with the monument company and they said it shouldn't be doing this and they are very sorry. I am thankful they are going to help me figure out what to do and will cover the costs of what it takes to get it fixed. This company is always so kind and helpful.

This is how I parent Lily... this is all I can do for her... I want it to be perfect.



  1. I understand what you mean - that is the only way we were able to parent our Meredith. Love to you.

  2. It makes perfect sense to me (though grace to your heart because, sometimes, we have to cut ourselves slack because we ARE human and we live in a human place and things just cannot be perfect despite our very best). The picture of just the tree without the vase is quite stunning though!

    What a blessing to have sweet brothers who will fix it for you. :)


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