This past Saturday, October 21st, we walked for our Lily-girl at the North Carolina Chapter of the TEARS Foundation Rock & Walk! We look forward to this event each October, which coincides with Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. 💗 💙
Lily's family! #TeamLilysLegacy
The TEARS Foundation financially assists families walking through the loss of a baby. It's such important work!
All the butterflies lined up that honor the babies that the families are walking for.
Here's a video from before the Walk when they read aloud all the names of the babies.. Lily is mentioned towards the end.
Cousins 💗 As were standing near the butterflies before the Walk, a family arrived and a little girl, probably 7 or 8, ran up and found a butterfly, excitedly shouting, "I found my cousin!" It brought tears to my mom and I... soo precious. I hope Harvest is like that one day about Lily.
Lily and Harvest ~ cousins... This is Lily Bear from the ministry Molly Bears. They make bears for families that have lost a baby, weighing exactly what their little one weighed. Lily's is 7 pounds 9 ounces (her birth weight). I've gotten a photo of Harvest and Lily bear at the Walk the last 2 years and want to make it a tradition.
Here's the photo from last year. :)
Walking for her big cousin!
Lily's butterfly! They made each of our babies one that we got to take home. :)
I love me some Ellen!
Bo's mom is pretty great!
Bo's grandmother... one of the sweetest ladies for real!
Some years, there hasn't been much of anything to do in my local area to mark Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in October. This year, there were several events and I participated in almost all of them that I knew about and those that I was free and able to make it. I wish the events could be spread across the year, rather than having to be all lumped together. Not that I'm complaining, it would just be nice to have more things to go to in Lily's honor throughout the months. :)
The second annual North Carolina TEARS Foundation Rock & Walk was held on Saturday, October 22nd this year. I've been able to walk in it both years. It was held at Lake Benson Park in Garner, North Carolina, which is a lovely spot. Just like last year, it was a beautiful Fall day, perfect for the walk!
At the start of the walk, they had the pathway lined with butterflies, each with the name of a different baby who was being remembered and who we were walking for. We each got to take home the butterfly with our baby's name on it. :)
Our team this year consisted me of, my twin big brothers, Adam and Joseph, my sister-in-law, Kala, my niece, Harvest, and my Bible study leader/friend, Terri. My mom was sick and wasn't able to make it. I was disappointed more people didn't come. Sadly my aunt, uncle, and grandmother who were planning on being in town that weekend couldn't make it. And I didn't get much response, interest, or commitment from local friends. The walk is important to me... things like this, that I do in Lily's honor in March and October primarily, are like the equivalent of what could have been her birthday parties. These are the only things I can do as her mommy and I appreciate those that understand that and make an effort to be there. Instead of dwelling on my disappointment, I choose to be thankful for those that did come.
I brought my Lily Bear, created by Molly Bears (a beautiful ministry that makes weighted bears for families that have lost a baby that weigh exactly what their baby weighed at birth, to help fill empty arms). Lily Bear weighs 7 pounds 9 ounces. :) I thought it would be a sweet way to incorporate her into the day. I wanted to have Team t-shirts made, but was unable to get them ready in time. That's a priority for upcoming dates and events. Here is Lily Bear and Harvest at the Rock (hence the rocking chairs) & Walk. 🐻 I love this sweet photo! Also, Harvest wore her butterfly shirt in her cousin's honor! As I told Kala, it is incredibly healing and such a gift to have my beautiful niece to go to these things with me. :'-) That little girl has me completely wrapped around her finger.
Harvest and Lily Bear riding together in the stroller on the walk. :)
It was wonderful to see friends that I haven't seen for a while. I love each of them and their precious babies and it is an honor to walk with them and for all our babies.
One of the friends I saw was Rachel, Rosie's mommy. I will share a post about how I met her soon. Here we are together holding our butterflies for our baby girls. :)
To most people, St. Patrick's Day is just another holiday and a time to wear green and pretend to be Irish even if you're not.
Thank you for this photo, Catherine! :)
To me, this holiday is the day I left the hospital without Lily. It was the day I last held her in my arms and had to leave her there and drive home with an empty carseat. I remember a lady who worked at the hospital came into my room with her green hat and shirt. I hadn't even realized it was St. Patrick's Day until I saw her in her outfit...it was the furthest thing from my mind.
I have been seeing St. Patty's Day stuff in stores for the past couple weeks and each time I see these things, they remind me of my girl...
Anytime I hear about the holiday or see anything associated with it, my mind goes right to her. And I think it will always feel that way.
It was one of the only two days in this life where I got to hold and spend time with my first-born, giving her enough hugs and kisses to last a lifetime. Today, I was remembering what this day held three years ago...
Here are Lily Bear and I wearing our green today, in honor of my almost-St-Patty's-Day-baby!
I got this adorable St. Patrick's Day skirt form T.J. Maxx for really cheap! I couldn't pass it up a few weeks ago while I was shopping because of course it reminded me of Lily. It's perfect for her bear. :)
I also got these St. Patrick's Day socks at Target to wear in honor of Lily today! Missing my mid-March baby girl!
Molly Bears is a non-profit organization that creates weighted teddy bears to be given free of charge to families who have lost a baby. The bears are made to weigh the exact weight of the baby that passed away. It is a way to fill the empty arms of a family in need. Each bear is unique and special for the individual family. Molly Bears was named after a sweet little girl named Molly Christine, who was born sleeping on May 30, 2010 (just a couple months after Lily). Her mama, Bridget, first made a weighted bear to fill her own arms and then realized how healing it was for her and that she wanted to do it for others. By the way, Bridget was born on March 16th, so she shares a birthday with my Lily girl! :)
I first heard about Molly Bears in 2010 when it started, but for some reason I didn't place my bear request until January of this year. I wish I had gotten it much sooner, to ease my aching arms. I was #2209 on the list and expected to be waiting for quite a while. There are 5,000 people on the list, waiting to have their arms filled with one of these amazing bears! (Sadly, that many people need them.) But, then several weeks ago, my friend Morgan let me know that a couple of her friends had been involved in a bear drive (collecting bears to donate to Molly Bears so more families can receive them) and they were able to choose a couple people to have their bears made early! They chose me!! :) Morgan said she didn't know if she should tell me about it or let me be surprised, but figured she would tell me so I could get super excited! And boy did I! I have been patiently eagerly awaiting the arrival of my Lily Bear. I kept checking the website until finally it said it was "In Production." Then, I got an email last Sunday saying that my bear was on her way home! After checking the mail each day the entire week, my beautiful bear arrived home on Thursday, November 8th.
Leaving the hospital without Lily, I remember feeling the overwhelming feeling of having empty arms. My heart and my body knew that I should be holding a new baby to take home with me...but what I left with were a few momentos to remember her by and the precious memories of the time spent with her. I have those memories, but as time marches on, they are fading. And, oh I never want to forget. I am so thankful for Molly Bears because they are helping me remember...the way it felt to hold my girl in my arms. The weight of her, all 7lb9oz of her precious and perfect little body. It just feels so amazing to hold that weight again and remember what it felt like. It is a healing gift. After over two and a half years of not holding that weight, it is so precious and so emotional to feel it again...
Here is my beautiful Lily Bear! :)
When you request your bear, you can ask for specific things to be included that remind you of your baby, but they don't promise to be able to do what you ask. They use whatever supplies they have. From what I wrote when I requested mine, I had a general idea what my bear might look like. But, really I didn't know what to expect. When she came, she wasn't what I pictured, but I love her! I asked for a white or light colored bear, so I am very happy I got that! I also asked for roses to be on the ears and got that too.
I said I wanted it to look really girly, which I think she does look really girly in her coloring and in the face. I wish I had asked for a skirt, but didn't realize at the time what I'd want. Well, it turns out I had this little pink skirt for photography and decided to use it for my Lily Bear! It's really the perfect color for it. :)
I didn't know how I liked the red at first. Red is definitely not my favorite of colors and I don't know how much it will match other colors. But, as my mom and friend Morgan said, the red and pink is like Valentine's Day, which reminds me of Lily and my Valentine's Day themed baby shower. So, the red and pink together is growing on me. I love it now! :)
I decided to take the ladybug ribbon off, though I am saving it just in case I want to use it again. It's kind of neat that Lily Bear doesn't have much on her, so I can "decorate" her exactly the way I'd like! I am thinking about embroidering a butterfly and lily on the front (that way it would include roses, lilies, and butterflies which all remind me the most of Lily.) I also am getting an embroidered shirt with Lily's footprints on it to put on Lily Bear! I think it will be fun to "decorate" Lily Bear for the different holidays. I am so thankful she is home before Christmas!
Here are a couple other outfits for Lily Bear :)
This is an angel necklace with Lily's March birthstone in it.
This is my very favorite outfit!
This dress was what I got for Lily to wear on my 21st birthday, when she would have been 4 1/2 months old. Instead, her bear wears it.
Molly Bears operates completely off of donations, so if you have the resources to donate some bears and/or other supplies or money to make the bears, please do so and help the many waiting families have their empty arms filled with something tangible and so very beautiful. You can also purchase a T-Shirt from the Molly Bears Shop, with all proceeds from the sale of the merchandise funding bear making.
Here I am with my Lily Bear! And I am wearing one of the Molly Bears T-Shirts. It says
"An angel baby's cuddle sent to a family in need."
Here is my little kitty cuddling with Lily Bear. You can't see it, but she's resting in her arm. So sweet. :)
Here is a video about Molly Bears featured on Detroit 4 News:
If you would like to request a Molly Bear for yourself (this isn't for everyone, so you cannot request it for someone else, only for yourself) the request page opens on the 30th of each month for a 24-hour period. You can click here to see the information that they ask for. They offer bears for babies lost from conception all the way up to 22 pounds! They have micro bears up to extra-large bears. Look around on their website for lots more information.
Click here to become a fan of Molly Bears on facebook to keep up with their latest news.
Thank you so much to Holly and Kendra for choosing me to receive my bear early! Thank you Esther Grace's mommy, Tamberly, for making my bear! Thank you to everyone who so freely gives of their time and resources so others can have these bears. And thank you to Molly Bears for this absolutely incredible way you are serving the babyloss community! *To see my Luke Bear, click here.*
