Miscarriage Comfort Packages

A couple sweet mommies I know recently had miscarriages. I put together comfort packages to send in the mail to them, similar to the comfort boxes I take to the hospital.

What was in the packages (they varied slightly): A card, CD specifically for those who've lost a baby, a lavender candle to light in remembrance of their baby, Forget-Me-Not flower seeds to plant in memory of the baby they'll never forget, a packet of tissues for their tissues, a journal to write their feelings, letters to their baby, etc., chamomile tea and a lavender bath sponge to pamper the mother while she heals (both chamomile and lavender are known to be healing and soothing), a heart in remembrance of the baby they'll always carry in their heart, and a "Gone Too Soon" print, specifically painted for mothers who've miscarried by artist Stephanie Dyer of Beyond Words Designs.

Each precious life is irreplaceable and I wanted these mothers to know I grieve with them, while also celebrating their child's life. Anyone can put together a comfort package like this, even with things they already have on hand. It doesn't have to be extravagant, just thoughtful and loving.

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He Orchestrates the Details and Weaves Stories Together

When I was in Virginia a couple weeks ago, I got a message from the mother of a close friend of mine from high-school.

Kristen had her healthy first child on March 16, 2010 - Lily's exact birthday! I've blogged about it before. Sadly, not only do we have that date in common now...

As I said, her mom wrote me on Tuesday, the 16th of August, letting me know that Kristen had lost her baby... Ryleigh Grace was unexpectedly stillborn the day before, on August 15th... Life for Lily Day. Yet another significant date we have in common. And baby girls who now live with Jesus.

Ryleigh was born just shy of 38 weeks gestation, a beautiful little girl with her cord tied tightly around her neck.

Both Kristen and her mom thought of me and hoped I could talk on the phone, knowing I understand what they're going through. I told her I was deeply sorry for their loss and not only could I talk on the phone, but I also "happened" to be in town (remember, I live in NC now, away from my hometown and where Lily is layed to rest).

I see how the Lord orchestrated my being there at that time, to put together a comfort box for Kristen and to attend Ryleigh's service with my grandmother, who also lost a baby.

I wasn't able to put together the exact type of box I usually do (because some of the things have to be ordered online), but it ended up being quite special, I think. We had a day to prepare the box, so Bumma and I went around Charlottesville to different shops, collecting items. I was thankful Bumma was willing and eager to be a part of this. I'll explain more about what we included in the box below.

The service was beautiful and it was an honor to be there. Ryleigh was layed to rest in the same cemetery as my grandparents (dad's parents). There are rolling hills and breathtaking Blue Ridge Mountain views from this cemetery. Ryleigh's mommy wrote a moving poem that was read aloud at the service. It was the first service for a baby that I've been to since Lily's (that I can recall). It was definitely emotional for me. Of course it is heartbreaking when anyone loses their baby, but when it is someone I know, it hurts more.

I know that because of my own loss of Lily, I understand in a deeper and fuller way the heartbreak that infant loss entails, and therefore can pray and intercede for this family in a unique way. I keep bringing this family to the Lord, remembering the rawness and shock of those first days and weeks after Lily died. I pray that I am able to bear a little bit of their burden.

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." -Galatians 6:2

After the service, there was a meal at a church in the area. I was glad Bumma and I could talk some with them, both at the graveside service and at the church afterwards, in a way that only those who've lost a baby can converse. We were all discussing how crazy it is all the similarities between our stories... The Lord certainly orchestrates the details and weaves stories together in a way only He can. I will continue to keep in contact with them in the months ahead, especially when a lot of the initial support wears off, yet the pain of the loss remains.

Here is the box...

I knew right when I thought about putting together a box that I wanted to include something with Ryleigh's name and birthdate on it. When you lose a baby, those are some of the only things connected to them. Their names are sacred and unspeakably precious. They are a reminder that they are real and they were here. They will always be our children, who we will love and call by name.

As soon as I thought of getting something with her name, I believe the Lord placed my friend Cambry's name in my heart. She is my friend I shared about recently in my Life for Lily Day post. We met at Ellerslie in Colorado last year and discovered she lives near my hometown in Virginia. She had just come to the Life for Lily Day celebration the day before, and we had gotten together to frolic about in downtown Staunton that day. Cambry is a talented artist and sells some of her work at times. I asked if she'd be willing to paint a custom piece for my friend for the box and immediately, she graciously and willingly said yes. I love her generous heart. She had one day to paint this and then met with me the morning of the service to give it to me. I could tell Kristen loved the painting and so did everyone she showed it to. I like this picture Cambry took in her own personal outdoor art studio. ;)

Most of the items for the box were from Ten Thousand Villages or T.J. Maxx (a couple of my favorite stores). I stuck to a butterfly theme, as usual. :) The box was colorful with butterflies and flowers, perfect to store keepsakes in.

a butterfly card with a handwritten and signed note from my grandmother and I... with my blog card inside and an explanation of all the items in the box

a lamb (for innocence and purity) to hold in their empty arms

and a teddy bear for big brother

Forget-Me-Not flower seeds to plant in memory of the baby they'll never forget

a butterfly bracelet to wear in remembrance of Ryleigh

a "hope" stone, as a tangible reminder to hold onto hope

lavender and chamomile (both known to be calming and soothing) 

soap and bubble bath to pamper mom and help her heal

chamomile lavender tea to also pamper mom

a journal to write pregnancy memories, the birth story, letters or poems, feelings, etc. 

(writing means so much to me and has been a huge part of my healing and Kristen likes to write too - remember a poem she wrote was read aloud at the service).. I was glad I found the journal with Scripture on each page and butterflies on the cover that I used in the comfort boxes 

given to the hospital for Lily's birthday this year.

a candle to light in remembrance of Ryleigh

a packet of tissues for their tears

a butterfly wind-chime (made in Indonesia - Lily has the same one at her spot) 

for their home or Ryleigh's spot... Kristen was saying how at the service, she was

already thinking of wanting to decorate her spot. I thought the wind-chime would be

perfect... also, it is touching that a mother's instinct to do something for her child, even

if it's decorating their gravesite, kicks in fast

Please pray that Jesus will comfort this grieving family and hold their broken hearts.

I won't forget you, Ryleigh... I will hold onto your obituary, the bulletin from your service, the memory of your beautiful face, and the knowledge of the forever love your family will have for you.

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Lily's Legacy Comfort Boxes Spreading

A couple days ago at the hospital where Lily was born, we put together 18 of Lily's Legacy Comfort Boxes, modeled after the ones I created and gave in honor of my girl for her 5th and 6th birthdays <---- click on links to see what is included in the boxes. They now want to offer/provide my boxes to each patient who loses their precious baby. 💕 #MyBeautifulGirl #OneProudMama #TheSanctityofLife #GrieveWithThoseWhoGrieve #ComfortOthersWithTheComfortHesGiven

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In Lieu of Flowers

I'm deeply touched... A family received one of my infant loss hospital comfort boxes that I donated for Lily's 6th birthday, and they want their loved ones to donate towards the boxes in lieu of flowers so others can be given the same comfort their received.

This is actually the first time I've heard back from anyone who has been the recipient of one of my boxes and it's incredibly special to know they are making an impact!

A couple other people shared that my boxes have inspired them to make some for their local hospital. Lily's legacy is a ripple effect, stretching far and wide.

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6th Birthday Comfort Boxes

This year for Lily's 6th birthday, I decided to give two comfort boxes in her honor to the hospital where she was born... One for a boy and one for a girl. 

They are similar to the boxes I gave last year, except gender specific this time, so the items are a little different and I changed some of what's included.

As I shared with the nurses when I explained everything in my boxes, it's important to realize it's not the number that matters, but recognizing that each of the babies and families represented by these boxes is worth all we can pour into them. They are worth the keepsakes, the resources, and the acknowledgment that their baby matters. I do what I can and don't want to let the fact I can't always do as much as I wish to keep me from doing what I can.

The bows are sweet, aren't they? :)

Here is what was included in the Baby Boy Box with photos and descriptions:

-A journal to share pregnancy memories, their birth story, write letters to their baby, or anything else they want to share. (Blue for a boy. Writing has been so healing for me. And butterflies are symbolic of new life and special to me)

-A "Now I Sleep" CD, with instrumental tunes written specifically for parents who've lost a precious baby.

-A packet of tissues for their tears.

-Forget-Me-Not flower seeds to plant in honor of the baby they'll never forget.

-A lavender candle to light in remembrance of their baby.

-A baggie for their baby's beautiful hair. (with a tiny plastic baggie inside so the hair is kept safe)

-Lavender bath pearls to calm, sooth, and pamper them as they heal in the days ahead. (lavender is known to be calming and soothing, which is appropriate. I wanted to include a scent that is pleasant so when the parents smell it in the future, they are reminded of their baby)

-A copy of "When Hello Means Goodbye" to help them make important decisions and to bring comfort in the days ahead. I ask them to please, before leaving the hospital, read the pages about seeing and holding their baby, taking pictures, and gathering keepsakes. Also, the sections on decisions to be made, autopsies, funerals homes, burial or cremation arrangements, and memorial gatherings are important as well. I tell them I know that it will be painful and difficult to even think about these things, but I urge them to consider all their options. (One of the biggest reasons I give these boxes is to "think for them," to guide them in making decisions they later won't regret).

-A "Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope" information card.

-A "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" brochure.

-A beautiful print of a painting from a mother who also lost a baby.

-Information on one of the local to Raleigh infant loss support groups (with a mention of another local support group) and a page with information on each item included in the boxes (I forgot to take a picture of the page for the girl box)

-A teddy bear to fill their empty arms. (leaving the hospital with empty arms is excruciating, so hopefully this helps ease that ache just a bit)

And these are the items (with descriptions) of what was included in the Baby Girl Box:

-A journal to share pregnancy memories, their birth story, write letters to their baby, or anything else they want to share. (Pink for a girl. Writing has been so healing for me. And butterflies are symbolic of new life and special to me)

-A "Now I Sleep" CD, with instrumental tunes written specifically for parents who've lost a precious baby.

-A packet of tissues for their tears.

-A little lamb, which symbolizes innocence and purity, to fill their empty arms. (Perfect because Lily's name means purity and innocence and her stone has a lamb on it)

-A lavender candle to light in remembrance of their baby.

-Lavender soap petals to calm, sooth, and pamper them as they heal in the days ahead. (lavender is known to be calming and soothing, which is appropriate. I wanted to include a scent that is pleasant so when the parents smell it in the future, they are reminded of their baby)

-A "Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope" information card. 

-A "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" brochure.

-A beautiful print of a painting from a mother who also lost a baby.

-A copy of "When Hello Means Goodbye" to help them make important decisions and to bring comfort in the days ahead. I ask them to please, before leaving the hospital, read the pages about seeing and holding their baby, taking pictures, and gathering keepsakes. Also, the sections on decisions to be made, autopsies, funerals homes, burial or cremation arrangements, and memorial gatherings are important as well. I tell them I know that it will be painful and difficult to even think about these things, but I urge them to consider all their options. (One of the biggest reasons I give these boxes is to "think for them," to guide them in making decisions they later won't regret).

-A baggie for their baby's beautiful hair. (with a tiny plastic baggie inside so the hair is kept safe)

-Forget-Me-Not flower seeds to plant in honor of the baby they'll never forget.

-A “Remembering Heart” necklace, which has two parts, the tiny inner heart can be kept with their baby and the outer heart can be kept or worn by them.

These are the cards. The one on the left is for the boy box (that's the one we included in all the boxes last year) and the one on the right is for the girl box.

This is what was written on the inside of the cards. Something handwritten and personal.

I included a blog card so of they want to connect or want further resources and support, they can reach out.

Inside of the boy box. A butterfly sticker on envelope.

Inside of the girl box. A butterfly sticker on envelope.

There's enough room in the boxes so other keepsakes can be added.

With the group of nurses at the hospital when we delivered the boxes for Lily's birthday. :)

Sharing about the boxes.

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From Teardrops to Butterflies (Update)

It feels as if I haven't written here in a long time. I had several posts scheduled to publish while I was away in Colorado, so it hasn't been silent here, but I haven't actually been here in several weeks. It feels good to be back. I have many things to write about to catch up. :-)

Here is an update on something I shared over the summer:

This year, I have gotten involved with the Perinatal Bereavement Committee at the local hospital where Lily Katherine was born.

This is what I shared a couple months ago: "There is a common symbol that is used by hospitals across the country to alert medical professionals that someone in that room has had a loss. It's a dreadful leaf with a teardrop on it. I think it is important that staff doesn't come waltzing in the room to ask how the baby is when the baby won't be going home. But, that symbol is just so sad and depressing. Yes, it is a sad thing when a baby dies, but it is also an incredible thing that the baby first LIVED and birth is still beautiful. My mom said whens he first saw that leaf on my door when I was in labor she wanted to rip it down. I was told that because of my mom and I sharing our thoughts on this on Lily's birthday, they have decided to change the symbol completely and will no longer be using the leaf! Instead, they will be using a beautiful symbol the hospital created with a heart and butterflies incorporated into it in blue and pink (colors for pregnancy and infant loss awareness). I was shown a few of the options and we all agreed on the best one. And not only will the staff be trained with this new symbol, but they will also be using it on all their bereavement care items. For instance, the only copy of Lily's prints I have is on a paper with that leaf. Now, baby's prints will instead be on a page with the beautiful new logo! I cannot tell you how much this seemingly small thing means to me, to know my girl's life is making a difference in this world, including at the hospital where she was born. She's pretty amazing, if I do say so myself, and I do. :'-) Not only is the logo changing, but the butterfly will be a new theme, like I used in my comfort boxes. One of the nurses found a butterfly necklace with a pearl for the parents."

I said I'd give an update with the final logo, so here it is! Isn't it precious? :-) For some reason it isn't showing up as crisp as it actually is.

And here is the former leaf with the teardrop logo.

You can read more in the first From Teardrops to Butterflies post.

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From Teardrops to Butterflies

You may remember that for Lily's 5th birthday on March 16 this year, my mom and I donated 5 comfort boxes to the hospital where she was born <--- click on link to read more about that. I had been working on the boxes for a loong time and knew it was time to finally take them. I see now how it was all in the Lord's perfect timing (as things always are).

Part of the reason why I hadn't taken the boxes yet was because it was nerve-wracking to think of going back to the place where Lily was born, the place that holds many painful memories for my family. Also, I didn't even know how to go about donating the boxes, who to contact and what not.

How it happened was I talked with my friend Bonnie who leads the Covered in Love infant loss support group I go to, and donates blankets to the same hospital where Lily was born, to be given to families experiencing the loss of a baby. I asked who she is in contact with at the hospital to do that and she put me in touch with a lovely nurse named Sandra who is involved with bereavement care at the hospital.

I texted Sandra several weeks before Lily's birthday and asked if donating the boxes was something I could do. She was so kind and compassionate from the first text message she sent me and made me feel like they would greatly appreciate the boxes. So, I got the approval for each item I selected and sent her photos and an explanation for why I was including each thing I chose.

She set up a meeting in a conference room for my mom, sister-in-law, and I to bring the boxes on Lily's birthday. I wanted to go on that specific day, which made it that much more special, but of course also meant it was that much more emotional. I wasn't expecting there to be several nurses in the room waiting for me to share my boxes with them. What an honor that was and how special it made Lily's day. My mom and I were also able to share about our experience at the hospital when Lily was born there. And we were able to visit the room where Lily was born since nobody was in there at that time, which was extremely healing for me.

here are my mom and I (Kala not pictured)

with the nurses at the hospital on Lily's birthday

Since I took the boxes, God has opened up more doors for me to get involved in the perinatal bereavement program at the hospital. I think that before this time on my road of healing, I wouldn't have been emotionally ready to be involved in this program, nor would I have the desire to go back to that hospital regularly. It would have been too painful and draining. But God knew when I would be ready and had it all planned out for how I'd get in contact with Sandra through Bonnie and have these doors opened up. He had it all in the palm of His hands.

Sandra contacted me earlier in the summer and asked if I'd like to come to the bereavement committee's monthly meeting at the beginning of August. We had discussed me getting involved more when I went on Lily's birthday. I of course was honored that she would ask and eager to go. The meeting was last Monday morning. I ended up being at the hospital for 4 hours! The meeting was held in the same conference room that we were in on Lily's birthday. It was nice to see Sandra again, as well as other nurses that were there on March 16th.

Sandra asked if I knew a lady named Heather, who is a local loss mom. I told her that yes, I did! It was neat to see my friend there that I wasn't expecting to see. I've known Heather since I first started attending one of my local infant loss support groups, just a couple months after Lily was born and died. Heather's daughter, Addison, would be turning 6 next month, so she was born about half a year before Lily. It's hard to believe they would both be starting Kindergarten this year. :-( I've been to visit Addison's spot a few times. It is only about 20-25 minutes from my house. It was so interesting that this was the first meeting Heather had been to, which "just so happened" to be the first official meeting I went to. We both agree that it was in the timing it was meant to be.

I am impressed with the staff of nurses at the hospital. They are genuinely concerned about caring for their patients experiencing the loss of a baby in the best way possible. They want to know what they can change to better and more sensitively care for their patients emotional and physical needs. Heather and I were able to share our own experiences of delivering at the hospital, what we appreciated, what we wish could have been different, and so forth. They were going over the policy on caring for patients and we shared so much of our hearts and experiences. It meant a lot to me to feel heard and like my birth is validated and important.

A couple things we discussed were the importance of taking photos, and gathering keepsake items, such as taking baby's handprints along with footprints as standard protocol (instead of only footprints. I had to ask for Lily's handprints and don't even know now why I did, but of course am so glad I did. I believe it was the Lord's leading). The hospital is also creating a beautiful memorial garden and is doing a year-long follow-up program for those who've lost a baby, which is amazing! Instead of going home and being forgotten (or at least feeling that you are), the families will be receiving calls, cards, etc. to let them know their baby is remembered and they are cared about!

We were taken upstairs with a couple nurses after the meeting concluded and were able to see the supply room where they keep the bereavement items. I saw one of my boxes in there (the last one).

Anyways, the highlight of the whole meeting for me was hearing how my mom and I sharing our experience with Lily is changing things at the hospital. We (all of us) can make a difference in this world, even in small ways. There is a common symbol that is used by hospitals across the country to alert medical professionals that someone in that room has had a loss. It's a dreadful leaf with a teardrop on it. I think it is important that staff doesn't come waltzing in the room to ask how the baby is when the baby won't be going home. But, that symbol is just so sad and depressing. Yes, it is a sad thing when a baby dies, but it is also an incredible thing that the baby first LIVED and birth is still beautiful. My mom said when she first saw that leaf on my door when I was in labor she wanted to rip it down.

I was told that because of my mom and I sharing our thoughts on this on Lily's birthday, they have decided to change the symbol completely and will no longer be using the leaf! Instead, they will be using a beautiful symbol the hospital created with a heart and butterflies incorporated into it in blue and pink (colors for pregnancy and infant loss awareness). I was shown a few of the options and we all agreed on the best one. And not only will the staff be trained with this new symbol, but they will also be using it on all their bereavement care items. For instance, you'll see below that the only copy of Lily's prints I have is on a paper with that leaf. Now, baby's prints will instead be on a page with the beautiful new logo! I cannot tell you how much this seemingly small thing means to me, to know my girl's life is making a difference in this world, including at the hospital where she was born. She's pretty amazing, if I do say so myself, and I do. :'-) 

Not only is the logo changing, but the butterfly will be a new theme, like I used in my comfort boxes. One of the nurses found a butterfly necklace with a pearl for the parents. 

I'm looking forward to getting more involved and seeing what God has in store!

*Update: To see the final new logo, click HERE.

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