A Simple, Messy Note

My good friend Brittany is truly a kindred heart - she volunteers at her local pregnancy resource center, writes a blog about post-abortion healing, and locally speaks, sharing her pro-life story. 

Brittany sent me this photo. It is the note I left on the wall at the National Memorial for the Unborn in Chattanooga, Tennessee when I went on Mother's Day 2011. NMU is such a beautiful, sacred place. I have a name plate and brick waiting to be placed for Lily and Luke and plan on going again as soon as possible (hopefully next spring). I had nothing to leave on this memorial wall where people leave things for their babies who were aborted. I randomly found an envelope and scribbled this little note on it, just to have something there until I can get something together to take next time. 

Brittany lives in the Chattanooga area and came across this note one day. She visited my blog and wrote me an email last November. We have written many, many emails since then and the Lord has used her as an instrument in my healing. We haven't met in person yet, but plan to next year when I go back to NMU (and hopefully at the March for LIFE in D.C. in January as well!) Anyways, I am just amazed at how God brought us together in friendship through this random little note. Brittany took a picture of it because I honestly couldn't even remember what I had written on it. 

A gal I went to high-school with in Virginia (I now live in North Carolina) is in grad school in Boulder, Colorado. She wrote to tell me about a fellow student who is doing her dissertation on rhetoric surrounding unborn babies... this classmate of hers went to the National Memorial for the Unborn in Chattanooga, Tennessee and mentioned my story today in a presentation! She saw this piece of paper there. Now, my old classmate is going to connect us! What a small world, huh? 

Also, a gal who was in my sister's semester at Ellerslie in Colorado from spring 2012 wrote to tell me that her family received a focus on the family newsletter in their church in Canada and she was reading it and it sounded familiar so she turned it over and saw it was written by me! She had heard me share my story at Ellerslie. I'm guessing something I wrote for one of the pro-life websites gave permission for somebody to reprint something I wrote. 

It is just really neat to see how God is using my testimony and my Lily and Luke in ways I never could have imagined... and how He connects hearts and lives in all different states and countries and in all sorts of ways. I had no idea He'd use this messy note to connect me with people!

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Ornament Swap for Luke and Lucy

This Christmas season, I participated in the Remembering Together Ornament Swap, where I made an ornament for someone who has lost a baby and received one in honor of Lily. Sometimes I feel like I neglect Luke and don't do enough for him, because I'm always doing things for Lily.

So, I asked my friend Brittany if she wanted to do a swap of our own in honor of Luke and Lucy. We shared with each other the things that remind us of our babies, to give ideas on what to make. We both also decided to make one similar to the one we made for each other for ourselves - just with things that remind us of our own baby. We took photos of the two matching ornaments together before sending them to each other. :)

Here are the ornaments I made.

Obviously the one on the left is Luke's and the one on the right is Lucy's. I was thinking for a while about how I'd make Lucy's ornament and was suddenly struck with inspiration. :) I got all my supplies at Michael's.

The color purple reminds Brittany of Lucy, so I filled a clear ornament with purple pompoms. Dandelions also remind Brittany of Lucy, so I looked up white and black photos of dandelions and found one with three, to symbolize her third Christmas in Heaven. I knew I wanted to include her name somehow, so I edited her name and the dandelion picture together in Photoshop and then printed it out and glued it on a fancy tag. Her name is written in my favorite font, called "Jellyka Western Princess." I glued some purple glitter to the dandelions to add a special touch. I then used a white mini-pompom string as the hanger. I thought it complimented the other pompoms nicely.

For Luke's ornament, I used blue pompoms. I tried to find green because that is the color that reminds me the most of him, but only found blue. That is okay though, because blue reminds me of him too. Then, I did the same thing with his - I wrote his name with the same font and edited it in Photoshop with a black and white image of a butterfly (what reminds me of him). Then, I printed it and put it on a fancy tag.

Brittany asked how I fit the tags into the small hole. I didn't realize that this would be a problem lol until I came to it. I ended up gently bending the tags and putting them in the hole and then straightening them out once they were in there. Thankfully, you can't notice they were bent.

Here are the ornaments that Brittany made.

The one on the left is for Lucy and the one on the right is for Luke. Each year, Brittany makes an angel ornament out of different materials in honor of Lucy. And as I mentioned above, the color purple reminds her of Lucy. For Luke's ornament, Brittany made it in the shape of a butterfly (as I said, butterflies remind me of Luke). And she made it green, the color that reminds me of him. When I told her that, she didn't know the exact shade of green I meant, but ended up choosing the perfect one! She also asked me what Scripture verse reminds me of Luke and I told her:

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." ~Psalm 147:3

She included his name and that Scripture reference on the front of his ornament.

Brittany also sent a little tag to hang on the tree that says:

In Memory of Luke Shiloh

Who Lives Forever in the Heart of his Mom,

But Rests in the arms of the Lord.

Matthew 5:4

(Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.)

She made one of these tags for herself for Lucy as well.

Luke's ornament is so beautiful and creative and I am proud to hang it on his and Lily's mini-Christmas tree! I am going to display it each and every year. Thank you so much for making it for me Brittany...and thanks to your kind husband for using his power tool to help you make it. :) I love it! This was a great idea to do the ornament swap. And it made me happy to do something in honor of Luke for Christmas. It was the first Christmas that he had a name. I loved having the honor of remembering Lucy with Brittany and it was very nice to have someone remember Luke with me.

Merry Christmas! :)

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Luke and Lucy

"Gone Too Soon" by Stephanie Dyer of Beyond
Words Designs. This beautiful painting reminds
me so much of Luke and Lucy because they
were gone too soon from this world. It
portrays a mother who has lost her baby
 early in pregnancy.

In mid-November, I received an email from a girl who has since become a good friend of mine. Brittany found my blog address on the memorial wall at the National Memorial for the Unborn, which I left on a piece of paper there on Mother's Day 2011 (when my brother and I visited with some friends). It caught her attention because she also blogs and she wanted to read my story.

It turns out we have a lot in common and lots to talk about...we are now "email pen-pals" and write back and forth at least a couple times a week. It's always so fun to see something from her in my inbox! :) In just a month and a half, I feel like I've gotten to know Brittany so well. We never seem to run out of things to share with each other.

We have a lot of the same beliefs about Jesus and life and have a very special connection because of two precious little ones that came and went in 2009...we both regretfully had abortions at the ages of 17 and 19. And those two babies have changed us forever. A big part of who we both are now is because of them. We were both also the same gestation - 6 weeks - when we had our abortions. Brittany has a name plate for her baby on the wall at NMU, just like I will be placing a plate on the wall for Luke.

I have tried to find other stories of young women like myself who regret their abortions...who have named their baby...who love the National Memorial for the Unborn...who are passionate about LIFE and standing up for LIFE...who believe that it's important to honor these babies short time on earth in beautiful ways. I have found that in Brittany and I am so thankful to the Lord for her sweet friendship.

Brittany named her baby Lucy Marie, who she feels God has revealed to her is a girl. Lucy's name is even close to Luke's name...And Luke, Lucy, and Lily all begin with an "L" and have four letters.

I want to be a Pro-Life speaker and share my story and so does Brittany! We talk about sharing our stories together one day - how amazing that would be! Brittany will be speaking in front of a large church for Sanctity of Life Sunday in January, so pray that God speaks through her! Pray that someone may hear her story and choose LIFE if they are in an unplanned pregnancy or find healing if they've had an abortion and are living in shame and guilt.

We enjoy talking about all sorts of things from our day-to-day life. But we especially love having someone to talk to that understands this grief and this love.

I can see many reasons why God brought Brittany's friendship into my life. We are able to encourage each other in our journeys without our babies, cheer each other on in speaking out for LIFE and share resources that have been a part of our healing. We also enjoy talking about our dreams to be a voice for life and share different ideas for ways to get involved, as well as different things going on in the "Pro-Life movement." It is nice to have someone who is comfortable talking about Luke with me and loves and remembers him with me. Often times with others, it can feel somewhat awkward to talk about Luke. I feel no judgement or condemnation with Brittany...just someone who "gets it" and understands the hope and healing I have found in Christ. Yet she also understands that this is something I will carry with me forever. So many people think that those who have had an abortion have no right to grieve that loss since it was their choice. Brittany and I hope to show people that it is okay to grieve your baby, no matter how he/she was lost! (I have a lot more to say on this and will be posting about it soon). It is my honor and joy to remember Lucy with Brittany. For Christmas, we did an ornament swap in honor of Lucy and Luke (which I will be posting about in my next blog entry).

Another thing God has revealed to me...I have slowly been dealing more with the loss of Luke through the years. Everything with Lily happened so fast and so soon after losing Luke, that I haven't truly processed and worked through everything with him yet because I was so focused on her. I honestly didn't even realize there was more with Luke that I needed to deal with until Brittany and I started writing. She has encouraged me to find a Post-Abortion Bible study small group to work through at a local Pregnancy Center. I have thought of doing this before, but couldn't find anything in my search. She found one for me online and I will now be starting the study in January. I doubt I would have decided to do this, or even found a local study, at least at this time in my life if it weren't for her. I know that God supernaturally healed me from my abortion when I chose LIFE for Lily, and I know where I am in Christ and that I am washed whiter than snow, redeemed, and set free...but I believe there may be things deep down in my heart that are still buried and that the Lord desires to bring to the surface to deal with. I don't want to leave anything unhealed when I know God desires to heal every bit of my heart and life! If Brittany hadn't of told me how much going through a study helped her, I might have thought I didn't need it.

I also really want to start volunteering at a Crisis Pregnancy Center next year and I want to be completely ready for that and do everything I can to prepare. I have already worked through a Bible study and have dealt with my grief over losing Lily. I am not sure exactly what I want to do at the Pregnancy Center, but I have felt God drawing me in that direction for a while. Before, it didn't quite feel like the right time, but now it does. Brittany also volunteers at her local Crisis Pregnancy Center and is part of the reason I have decided to pursue this. She mainly works in the Post-Abortion ministry (which is some of what she will be speaking about in January, along with sharing her story). It has been nice to ask her questions about what it's like to volunteer and what not. We are able to share our different experiences with each other, which has been a huge blessing. Since talking with Brittany, God has stirred in me more of a heart for Post-Abortive men and women. I feel him calling me to step out more in this area and will be sharing more of that soon.

Brittany lives very close to the National Memorial for the Unborn and will be coming to Luke's Remembrance Ceremony when I have it there in the spring (I have a date on my mind and hope it works out). It will be wonderful to meet her in person, give her a big hug, and remember both our babies together. I am so happy she will get to be there! She had a Memorial Service for Lucy there and has given me ideas for what to include in Luke's Service. When I place Luke's name plate on the memorial wall, it will be right above Lucy's! They are saving the spot for me. It will be very special and sweet to know their plates are right by each other. I like to picture them being friends in Heaven. And I know one day, Brittany and I will meet our precious babies. I look forward to meeting Lucy too!

At NMU, they have a wall where people are free to leave remembrance items for their babies. Since Brittany lives so close, she has offered to take things there for me that I want to leave for Luke. I will mail it to her and she will take it for me. Items can be left on the wall for only a year, so when that times ends, Brittany said she will mail them back to me, so I can keep the things in Luke's memory box. How thoughtful and sweet of her! :)

I have loved sharing different resources with Brittany as well as ideas to honor and remember Lucy. It has been so special to share with her ways I had chosen to memorialize Luke. Just talking about him so much has helped me process things more and connect with him more, as my child. I feel a deeper love in my heart for Luke now. I thank the Lord for this precious friendship that has drawn me closer to my son. I look forward to lots more emails to be exchanged with my new friend! :)

Today is a very significant day for Brittany, one that I want to recognize. Today is Lucy's 3rd "Heaven Day." December 29th, 2009. Today is also the date a year ago that I first saw Luke's ultrasound photo.

I lit a candle today in honor of Lucy on her
Heaven Day. I took a photo with an angel
because angels remind Brittany of Lucy. :)

Lucy and Brittany, I am thinking of you both today. You are very special to me already and are on my heart and in my thoughts often. Lucy, your beautiful legacy will live on. I know you and Luke must be the best of buddies in Heaven! I can't wait to meet you, little girl! Your mommy is a precious friend to me and a wonderful mommy for you to have...She will always be your voice. Much love always, Hannah Rose

Photo by Carly Marie

You can read more about Brittany's story on her blog in honor of Lucy, called Her Name is Lucy.

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