It Makes My Heart Sing

Since I first shared Lily's headstone on my blog, as well as a post with ideas and inspiration for someone who is ready to honor their baby with a headstone, several people have contacted me asking for the name of the monument company who made her stone and some wanting help with the design for their own baby's stone.

It is such a gift to me each time someone reaches out in this way. Just this week, I have received two emails regarding this matter. I consider it a compliment. In one of the emails, a woman wrote, "I saw your website and the design for your baby's headstone and I have to say that I think it one of the most beautiful headstones I have ever seen." Wow, how touching.

For someone to think Lily's stone is lovely enough that they want to work with the same company makes my heart sing. I love knowing others find it beautiful, as I do. It truly feels as if God gave me the inspiration and design ideas. And He led me to the company that could make my vision a reality.

I was discouraged for years because I didn't know how I would pay for a stone for Lily and because I had no idea what company to go with. Who could I trust? Who wouldn't charge an arm and a leg? Who would go above and beyond to make sure I was pleased and that Lily was honored in the best way possible?

I didn't want a "cookie cutter" stone where you simply choose a pre-made design and fill in your child's information. Not that there is anything wrong with those stones, but I knew I had a specific design in mind. I wanted it custom-made. As I searched the internet high and low, I couldn't find a single company that could make the stone I was longing for in my heart.

At one point, I found a company in Tennessee, I believe it was. I inquired with a man who worked there and he assured me he could make it happen. I was not pleased with how unprofessional he was and he didn't even seem to know what he was doing, to be quite honest. I didn't know if I could trust him with the precious plans for my baby girl's forever stone. I felt hesitant... and for good reason. He kept trying to impress me and before long, I discovered that he was trying to hit on me, a single young woman in my early 20s... Like seriously, you have got to be kidding me?! For a man to hit on a woman who is designing her baby's headstone is beyond me. Needless to say, that didn't work out.

So after that experience, I was hesitant to try again. I had no idea what direction to go in to find a reputable stone company and was disgusted by the experience I had had.

That's when I found the company while googling one day, across the country, located in Seattle, Washington, that would end up making Lily's stone. I was impressed with the entire process, from start to finish. I liked what they had on their website and after talking with the lady on the phone, I knew they were the company I was meant to choose. I plan on sharing more of my experience with them in a blog post soon.

Anyways, I feel like passing on the name of this monument company is a way for me to reach out to other grieving parents, to save them from the grief of working with a low-quality or unprofessional company. To help them have a pleasant experience and to get exactly what they have in mind.

If you are looking for design ideas for a headstone, I would be honored to help you. Also, if you think you are ready to purchase a headstone for your baby, I would be happy to pass on their information to you. You can email me at roseandherlily@gmail.com.

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Gratitude to Each Person Who Helped with Lily's Stone

I have so many posts I've been wanting to write and this is one of them.

Lily's stone has officially been at her special spot in Crozet, Virginia since November 2013. It was possible because of the many generous and kind people who helped make it happen financially.

the front of Lily's stone

the back of Lily's stone

I want to thank these people, those I know by name and those I don't know by name.

I could never express the depth of my gratitude that friends, family, and complete strangers would bless me so tremendously in helping me do one of the last tangible things I can as a mother for my daughter of Heaven, Lily Katherine.

My sincere thanks goes out to:

Stacy Aube and her family who raised $823 (!) for Lily's stone through her Non-Profit organization she runs in her daughter's honor and memory, Baby Rachel's Legacy. Stacy usually hosts a 5K each August where she lives in New Hampshire, but in 2013, she decided that instead of doing a race that year, she would raise money to help me finish paying for Lily's stone. God put it on her heart to help, which was such a blessing in and of itself. And then I found out (on my 24th birthday of all days... God is always in the details!) the total amount that was being given and I was completely blown away! I never expected so much. Talk about the best birthday gift ever! Thank you to everyone who honored both Lily and Rachel in this way! Click HERE and HERE to read the posts on Stacy's blog about Lily's stone.

Stephanie Desjarlais who is an Origami Owl consultant offered to do an online fundraiser called "Lockets for Lily" where she contributed 20% of the profits raised to go towards Lily's stone. She ended up giving me a check for $77.20 and I was also given the blessing of a beautiful Origami Owl memorial locket with multiple charms of my choice, all for almost no charge (and these are not the cheapest of lockets, so I wouldn't have been able to get one myself otherwise). Thank you Stephanie, for blessing me in this way, and thank you to each person who bought something through the fundraiser.

My friend Tracey's father, "Papa Dude," who unexpectedly gave me a card with $200 in it to help out with Lily's stone.

Linda Znachko, from the amazing ministry, He Knows Your Name, who contibuted $100.

These are the names that I have of the other people who gave on the GoFundMe page I had set up, as well as in person or online, from a little bit to a lot, but really the dollar amount is not what matters to me: Brittany Mays, Suzie Smyth, Morgan Lennon, Lisa Collins, Jennifer Kehoe, Candy Rhodes, Josiah Cadle, Sarah Miller, Kelly Osborne, Angela Welliver, Melissa Lorang, Natalie Mardon, Nancy Schuck, Elisha Cooper, Judith Harder, Nancy Auclair, Lacie Zoller, Michael Cornish, and all of those who have chosen to remain anonymous (I apologize if I have forgotten anyone).

I am so humbled that others would do this with and for me, for her. It means so much to me to have given her a stone as a way to bring dignity to her life. It hurt that I could not get one for three years because of finances. God led me to a wonderful monument company across the country in Seattle, that custom-created her stone, more wonderfully than I imagined possible. And then He led me to go ahead with the process of getting her stone, though I honestly had no idea how I'd pay off all $2,160.58 of it, including shipping from Seattle to Virginia. I knew He would provide, but didn't know it would be through so many people from literally across the world, from the United States, to Ireland, to the United Kingdom, and Switzerland. I worked hard and payed some as I was able, but then God blessed me abundantly with my baby girl's stone being completely payed off. It's amazing that He would put it on so many people's hearts to give! If my calculations are correct, a total of $1,470.20 was donated!

He showed me afresh through each of you who gave that He loves Lily even more than I do and that He's still in the details, even all these years later. He's still blessing me for my choice of life.

I would love it if each and every one of you could see Lily's stone in person one day. Some of you have already seen it and some will get to in the future. :-) But for those of you who cannot, I am so pleased to be able to share photos of her lovely stone. It is simply perfect for my beautiful girl. I never felt like I had to "settle" for less than what I feel she deserves. I cannot express the peace it gives me knowing my baby girl is finally honored in this way. It was like a heavy weight was taken off my shoulders on the day her stone was finally installed. It has been precious for me to decorate her spot for different holidays and seasons, and especially for her birthday.

Each time I look at Lily's stone, my heart remembers the people who have been a part of this. It makes her stone that much more special. Again I say, thank you.

Click HERE to read more about the meaning behind Lily's stone.

Click HERE to read all the other posts about Lily's stone.

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Inspiration for Lily's Stone

When I was working with a monument company to design Lily's memorial headstone, I knew what I wanted incorporated. I knew I wanted it small with a little lamb on top (as well as all the other things that are included). Stones with the lambs on top were very common Victorian markers for children and for different reasons (both the way they look and the meaning behind lambs) I was drawn to them from the first time I started seeing them. I had three years to think about what type of stone I wanted for Lily Katherine.

The monument company was creating Lily's stone completely custom-made (meaning there are no other stones in the world exactly like it... I love that it is special for Lily!) They asked for direction on size and the actual lamb. I tried my best to describe the type of lamb I wanted (trust me, all lambs are not the same - some are really cheesy looking and some don't even look like lambs) and they made one that I ended up not liking at all. My heart sank when I first saw photos of it in my email inbox and I was so disappointed and began to wonder if I'd ever be fully satisfied with a stone for my girl. 

This company is so amazing (email me for their name and information at roseandherlily@gmail.com) that they promised they would not stop working until I was fully satisfied with Lily's stone. They would remake the lamb for me. They just needed some more direction. I had no idea what more to say to describe what exactly I wanted and what I didn't want.

So my mom and I went to a large cemetery called Oakwood Cemetery in Raleigh, North Carolina for some ideas. There are quite a few stones there with the lamb on top. I wanted to find the size of what I wanted and the type of lamb I wanted. Stones like these aren't so common anymore, which I am glad about because I want Lily's stone to be "old-fashioned" and timeless, rather than modern. 

We found a lamb and size of stone that the both of us loved after looking at many. I thought a lot about it and realized that this stone was the exact size I wanted! Not too small, but not too big. We actually took measurements of the tablet and lamb to send to the monument company. This way I knew exactly what I'd be getting and knew I'd be happy with the size.

Tablet: 12x4x13 (inches)

Lamb: 7.5 x 3.5 x 4 (inches)

Not only was the size of this stone what I wanted, but I really liked the lamb on top. The monument company asked for photos to reference when making Lily's stone, but I couldn't find any that I especially liked online. I was hoping and praying that I'd find something at the cemetery because I had been putting off responding for a while, not knowing what to do or say. I took photos of this precious little lamb to send to the monument company, not knowing how the final product would turn out.

I was nervous that the lamb wouldn't turn out right the second time around either. When I received the photos in an email, I held my breath while opening them. I loved the little lamb right away! It is everything I hoped it would be and more. I like it even more than the lamb from the cemetery. It turned out just right for my Lily.

Here are some side-by-side photos of the stone at Oakwood Cemetery and Lily's stone.

I wonder what little Henry's story is. I wonder who his parents were. He was born and died in September 1921. I hope his parents would feel honored that someone almost 100 years later was so inspired by their son's beautiful stone. I hope someone 100 years from now will be inspired by my Lily's stone. 

If you are designing your baby's headstone, consider going to your local cemetery for ideas on both size and design.

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I hope people feel the love I have for her when they see her stone

When I drive to a nearby city in North Carolina, I usually take the back roads, rather than the highway. When I go this way, I drive past a church with a cemetery right beside it. As I drive past, my eye is always drawn to a beautiful headstone. I pulled over on the side of the road one day to see who this headstone honors. It is for a little boy who passed away very early in life. The stone is very unique, in the shape of a train... little boys love trains.

Not only is the stone itself so beautiful, but each time I pass, his spot is decorated. For all different seasons, holidays, and for his birthday. Though I have no idea the story of this little boy or who his family is, I can tell how much he is loved by the care that goes into his spot. By the special decorations left that bring color to this cemetery. By the design of his stone. He is so loved and missed. I can tell this about complete strangers.

And it got me thinking... I wonder who sees Lily's special spot. I wonder what people think of her stone when they see it. I hope they think the same thing about her stone and spot as I think about this little boys'... that she is so very loved and missed. That her stone is beautiful. That the decorations are sweet. That even though they don't know her story or who I am, they can just feel the love... the love I have for my precious daughter who I can only mother through things like designing her headstone and tending to that special spot.

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Lily's Stone!

Ever since Lily went Home to be with Jesus over 3 1/2 years ago, I have wanted to get her memorial stone. With Lily buried in Virginia and me living in North Carolina, it was really tough when I got to visit her "special spot" as I call it, for her to not have a permanent stone. I would decorate it with temporary markers and decorations, but it's just not the same. It felt like she was being neglected to not have her stone. 

Getting this stone is very important to me. Having a beautiful memorial stone is a way to honor her life and prove to the world SHE WAS REAL AND IMPORTANT AND I LOVE HER! Getting this stone is pro-life. I think getting Lily a headstone is a testimony to the sanctity of LIFE and proof that unborn babies are precious, valuable and irreplaceable. 

Once I started trying to look for a monument company to work with, it wasn't easy to find a place with a good reputation and high-quality craftsmanship. I have obviously never had to do something like this before and felt clueless about how the process works. It was extremely difficult to be in my 20's, headstone "shopping" for my daughter. I knew what I wanted and didn't want to settle. I am so thankful I didn't. I am so thankful the Lord led me to an amazing monument company that helped me develop my dream for Lily's stone. They've truly made it more perfect than I could have imagined. They kept working until I was completely satisfied. And this was all long-distance because I couldn't find a monument company to work with near where Lily is buried. The company I found is in Seattle, Washington, so this whole process has been through many, many phone calls, emails, drafts, revisions, etc. 

I have tried to enjoy the process because this is one of the last things I can ever do for Lily. Yes, I will continue to honor her by speaking and writing and sharing her story. I will continue to get memorial keepsakes. However, this is one of the few and last things I can do as a mother, truly for Lily. It's so final. It feels like a dream since I've waited so long and wanted it so long. Even though it's been really hard to wait, I must say I am thankful I did. I have had so much time to research and think about what I want. If I rushed into it right after she died, I may have made my choices for her stone too hastily. And because this stone will be hers forever, it needs to be perfect. 

It's so hard to decide what you want permanently etched in stone... what a big decision. How do you know you'll choose something you'll be pleased with forever? During all my dreaming and planning, I thought of sooo many things I would have loved to incorporate. However, there is only so much space so I knew I had to choose the most important, special, and meaningful things. It is hard to fit someone's entire life and legacy into a few short words on a small headstone.

What helped me decide was by asking myself, what story of Lily's LIFE and legacy do I want to tell with her stone? What do I want friends, family, and passersby at the cemetery to see? What words and designs can possibly capture all she means to me? What will I love forever?

This past weekend, on Saturday, November 2nd, we finally installed Lily's stone at her spot. We had a special stone placement ceremony that afternoon. I will be sharing about that later. But, for now, I want to share photos of Lily's stone and the meaning behind it. 

Literally every single thing I've chosen to be a part of Lily's stone has significance. Here it is!!

For a long time, I knew I wanted her stone to be small. It seems appropriate for a precious, tiny baby to have a sweet and simple stone. These are the exact dimensions:

Tablet: 12x4x13 (inches)

Lamb: 7.5 x 3.5 x 4 (inches)

Base: 20x12x4 (inches)

The Foundation that the stone and vase is on is a bit larger.

For the granite, I chose China Grey. I knew I wanted it to be light-colored, rather than dark because I just prefer the way it looks, especially for a baby's stone. I wanted the font to look simple, pretty, and easy to read.

I went and visited local cemeteries many times to try to get an idea of what I wanted. From the beginning, I was so drawn to the little infant stones with lambs sitting on top. They seem "babyish." I want people to see the stone and know it is for a little child. This is the most common Victorian marker for a child's stone. Yet, they aren't so common anymore, which I'm glad about. I want Lily's stone to be "old-fashioned," rather than modern. I want it to be timeless. Because this design is not common these days, it was very hard to find the exact type of lamb I want. All lambs are not the same. Some are really cheesy looking and some don't even look like lambs. I wanted Lily's to be perfect and couldn't find any online that I actually liked. That's when I knew I'd have to find a monument company that could custom make it for me. Thankfully I did! They made the lamb twice because the first time I didn't like it. I actually found a stone that's about 100 years old at a large cemetery in Raleigh with a lamb on top that I love. I measured it and used those exact measurements to send to the monument company. And I took photos of that lamb because they needed an example of what I wanted and liked. I also like lambs because of my Aunt Rachel Ross who is buried next to Lily. Her name, Rachel, means "little lamb" and her stone has a lamb on it.

Anyways, not only do I like how the lamb looks and not only is it common to incorporate lambs into infant stones, but I especially love the meaning behind it. Lambs symbolize innocence and purity, which is what Lily Katherine's name means (yes, her first and middle name!) Lambs are also a symbol of Christ...

"Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world!" -John 1:29

I wanted a rose and lily because they symbolize Lily and I - Hannah Rose and Lily Katherine. The name of my blog is "Rose and Her Lily" and I use the two flowers together for many special things. The rose and lily are beautifully intertwined, as a symbol of how Lily was with me her entire life on earth and how I will carry her legacy with me the rest of my life on earth! I love that the rose and lily are blooming together, as a sweet reminder that we will bloom together for all Eternity in the presence of Jesus.

The rose symbolizes motherhood and beauty. Lily will forever be my first-born baby. I will forever be her mother. She was so beautiful and her lasting legacy is beautiful beyond description. The rose also symbolizes hope and unfailing love and indicates sorrow. It is a common symbol of eternal life and resurrection. Seriously, how perfect is this?

Of course, Lily's full name and birthday are on the stone. I just love seeing her beautiful name on the stone... though of course, I wish I was seeing her learning to write her own name, rather than on a headstone. It just sounds weird to say that, but I love her name so much. I love seeing it, saying it, and hearing it.

I chose "Forever Pure" because like I said, both Lily and Katherine mean pure and innocent. Lily will never be marred with sin and pain and the corruption of this world. What a gift that is for my heart to know. I feel this simple phrase so beautifully and perfectly articulates who Lily is, as well as her legacy. She is also a symbol of my renewed purity and redemption in Jesus Christ.

The back has a butterfly, which are very symbolic and special to me as well. Butterflies symbolize new LIFE in Christ. Lily was new LIFE and God used her LIFE to bring me to new LIFE in Him. And because of His sacrifice on the Cross, we will have eternal LIFE with Him. Lily is already living her new LIFE with Jesus right now. I love how the butterfly looks like it's landing on the stone. It has the Scripture John 3:16 above it, which says, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have Eternal LIFE." God spoke His promise of eternal life, redemption, and the love and mercy of Christ in this Scripture verse. Lily's life is a picture of this. And her birthday is March 16. 3:16 like John 3:16.

Butterflies also symbolize short-life. Lily lived a brief, but brilliant life. She is the quiet, gentle, and peaceful picture of new LIFE leaving the cocoon, taking flight to Heaven. I thought that incorporating a butterfly would be a sweet way to include Luke Shiloh in Lily's stone as well.

On the back, Lily's stone says, "Jesus Changed Our Lives With Hers." I think that perfectly shows what God sent her to earth for. I thought a lot about what Scripture, quote, saying, etc. I wanted to be written on the back and settled on this. I thought it was special that it's something I came up with specifically for Lily. And if anything captures her legacy in just a few short words, it's this. Lily changed my life. She changed the lives of those who love her. And she continues to change lives with my writing and speaking across the country.

There were a couple other phrases that I wanted to include on Lily's stone, but didn't think I would be able to because of space. However, when the monument company told me I could have things written on the top of the base, I knew exactly what I wanted to be written.

On the front it says, "How desolate our lives bereft of thee." When I was looking in a cemetery in South Carolina for ideas with my brother and sister-in-law, I saw infant gravestones that said this, only with the word "home" instead of "lives." Right when I saw it, tears came to my eyes and my heart ached in understanding and knowing. I was so touched by this phrase and it was always one I had in the back of my mind as a possibility to be included on Lily's stone. I wanted Lily's stone to show the bittersweet reality of losing her. Our entire lives have been changed for the better, yet we also miss her more than words could ever say. We know we will be with her again one day and rest in that hope and assurance, however it doesn't change the missing piece of our earthly lives. It is terribly bittersweet to live life without Lily each and every day. We miss her here and now and there is an aching and longing that could never be put into words. But, we have the hope of Heaven.

On the back, it says, "Out of these ashes beauty will rise." These are lyrics from one of my favorite songs, by Steven Curtis Chapman. It is off his CD that he made after he lost his own daughter. My Aunt Helen gave me this CD for Mother's Day in 2010, just a couple months after I lost Lily. It has been a huge part of my grief and healing. I can't count the number of times I would turn it up so loud, and sing at the top of my lungs, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I feel like this song so perfectly articulates my testimony, of my abortion and turning from God, my unplanned pregnancies, losing Lily, and God bringing me back to Himself and working all this together for my good and His glory.

Here is the song:

Placing Lily's stone was bittersweet. I am sad that everything that's gone into it, all the love I've poured into it, is finished. I am proud to say I designed it myself. But, as I've searched for the different meanings of each thing I chose, I realize that it was not only me who designed it. God's hand was on it... it is amazing to see Him in the small things. Just as He gave me her name, He helped me with this stone. As I was choosing the different things I wanted on it, I had no idea how beautiful every element would turn out to be. I was a little nervous that I would regret something I chose or that I wouldn't be fully pleased with how Lily's stone turned out, but I can honestly say it is everything I ever dreamed it would be and more. It is perfect and I love it so much.

Here is a video tour I took of Lily's special spot so people can almost feel as if they are there:

Post by Hannah Rose Allen.

Click HERE for some ideas and inspiration for designing your own baby's headstone.

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The First Time I Saw Her Stone

Lily's stone arrived at my house this past Friday. It was originally going to be shipped to the church in Virginia that is connected to the cemetery where Lily is buried. However, it was going to have to sit there for a few weeks since I live in North Carolina and won't be able to make it up there for a while. I was really concerned that her stone might get stolen or vandalized just sitting out there. And I don't want that added stress to think about. So, I asked if there was any way they could deliver it to my house instead and then I can just drive it up there myself when I'm ready to place it (it's small enough that it's not too heavy or hard to move around). There is no place it is safer than right here with me. I was so happy when they said they could do that for the same shipping price!

I waited all week for it to be delivered. But, it wasn't until Thursday that they called to set up a delivery time. They asked if Friday between 1 and 5 p.m. would work (somebody had to sign off on it). I said yes because I didn't want to wait any longer! But, unfortunately, I had to work during those hours. So, my mom was at home waiting to sign off on Lily's stone.

It was/is all packaged up really securely, so I was disappointed that I couldn't peek in to look at it right when I got home on Friday evening. Don't get me wrong though, I am thankful it was bundled up so snug and secure for the trip from Seattle. 

This afternoon (Sunday, September 29), my dad opened up the packaging for me to see Lily's stone to make sure everything looked okay. I can't describe the emotions of sorrow, joy, and relief that flooded over me when I saw it for the first time in person. It is absolutely perfect and beautiful. It looks even more precious than in the photos. It is hard to tell how it really looks "size-wise" until seeing it in person. I couldn't keep the tears from falling, which is what I thought might happen. I had pictured what it would feel like when I finally saw it. Truly, I couldn't be more pleased with how everything about it turned out. There isn't a thing about it I would change. I was concerned that I might not be totally satisfied, but I am more than satisfied.

I wanted to place the stone this month, but things are too busy right now to make the trip to Virginia (it takes some planning and time since she's not buried right up the road). Next month, it will *finally* be placed, Lord willing and the creek don't rise. After over three and a half years of wanting and waiting. And after over half a year of planning it and having it made.

It will be such a beautiful time of year for it (in October with the pretty leaves and cooler temperatures) and how appropriate with it being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I can hardly wait to see it at her "special spot." I'm planning a special service with close friends and family to honor Lily and the placement of her stone.

Here is a sneak peek until I place it next month and can share many more photos!

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Designing Your Baby's Headstone - Some Ideas & Inspiration

If you are reading this, it may be because you are ready to design your baby's headstone. If that is you, first of all, I am so sorry. The words baby and headstone are two words that should never be used in the same sentence together. But for those of use who have lost babies, we realize just how important having a memorial stone is. It says that child is valuable, special, important, loved, missed, and could never be replaced. Getting a stone is a beautiful way to memorialize and honor someone's life, no matter how short.

It has taken me three and a half years to design and pay for my daughter Lily Katherine's headstone. Because I have had lots of time to think about exactly what I want to be permanently etched in stone, I decided to share some ideas with others who are going through the painful process of designing a headstone for their baby. I hope my thoughts and suggestions will be of use to you as you decide what story you want to tell of your precious little one's life to those who will see their stone, both friends and family, as well as passersby at the cemetery... now and decades from now.

Here is my daughter Lily Katherine's headstone:

Click HERE to read all about Lily Katherine's stone.

Find a monument company to work with. It is easiest to work with one locally. I chose a monument company in Seattle, Washington, I live in Raleigh, North Carolina, and my daughter is buried in Crozet, Virginia (so yeah, it was hard to work it all out). The reason I chose to work with a monument company so far away is because I knew I wanted Lily's stone to be a certain way and I wasn't going to settle until I found a company that could give me exactly what I wanted. That's something to consider... do you want to go with a stone design option that's already available to you, or would you prefer to design your own stone (which will cost extra)? Cheaper doesn't mean better... don't settle for a company just because they promise to do it cheaper. This is a one time thing, so you want quality workmanship. You want it "just right." You can cut costs in other ways such as the type of stone you use, the size of the stone, and how much you include on the stone. Even if you need to work with a company long-distance (by phone, mail, and email) it is worth it to get what you want. I tried calling several monument companies local to where my daughter is buried and couldn't find anyone who could give me what I wanted. And even looking online, it took me a long time to find a monument company with a good reputation, who had high-quality work. The whole process of designing Lily's stone has taken me 6 months of back-and-forth emails, mailings, phone calls, etc. But they have helped me develop my vision, making it even better than I pictured it would be! They didn't settle until I was happy, even when that included completely re-sculpting part of the stone. Call the monument companies in your area and set up a time to sit down and discuss what options are available to you. If you don't like anything they have to offer, discuss the possibility of them making something you have in mind. If this doesn't work out, start searching online for options. I would be happy to recommend the monument company I worked with if you just ask. :)

Do you want a headstone for just your baby, or would you like to have one with yours and your spouse's names included as well for when you pass away? If you lost multiples, do you want them to each have their own stone (maybe identical, just with their individual names) or a shared stone?

Decide if you want your baby's stone to be flat or upright. Be sure to find out what the rules and regulations are at the specific cemetery where your baby is buried. Some cemeteries, like where my daughter is buried, allow people complete creative control over headstone designs. Other cemeteries have rules that must be followed, such as all the stones have to be flat. There are many beautiful options for both flat and upright stones.

What shape do you want the stone to be? If it's going to be upright, consider these - an angel, cross, heart, teddy bear, baby toy, lamb, rocking horse, butterfly, etc. You can do a simple Google search with keywords that you have in mind and you will find many beautiful stones for inspiration and ideas.

Think about what picture or design you would like on the front or back of the stone, or on the top, if the stone is flat. Is there an animal or symbol that is special to you? What did you use in your baby's nursery, at their shower, etc.? If you don't have any special symbols, think about including something "babyish," such as a building block, pacifier, bib, toy plane, train, or baby booties. Jesus holding a baby would make a beautiful image on a headstone. For a list of ideas of symbols and their meanings, click HERE.

Decide what size you want your baby's stone to be. Personally, I wanted my daughter's stone to be tiny and sweet since she was a baby. The size of the stone will also determine the price.

What kind of stone do you prefer? Dark or light? Some options you have are granite (this is what I chose), marble, limestone, sandstone, slate, iron, and bronze. Google search these images to see what colors and stones you like. Remember, what you choose to make your baby's special memorial stone in will determine the pricing.

Now, what would you like the inscription on the stone to be? Generally, a person's name, birthdate and date of death are included (or when a child is born still, like my Lily was, just one date is listed). Since there is not much space and this is a permanent memorial, think long and hard about what you want on your baby's stone. You can include writing on the front and back of the stone (and in some cases, even on the top part of the base, like I chose to have done). Of course, every monument company will operate differently and will have different fees. What perfect wording do you want? What story do you want to tell of your child's life and legacy? You can either use something someone else wrote or write something yourself. Do you want a heading such as "In Loving Memory of" above your child's name? Do you want something under their name and birthdate? Do you want to include the time they were born and died? Consider using Scripture verses that point to the promise of Eternal LIFE in Heaven.

You could also use a special quote, phrase, song lyrics, or nursery rhyme. Click HERE for some inscription ideas. Here are some of my favorite examples:

• “Budded on Earth to bloom in Heaven”
• "A moment in our arms, a lifetime in our hearts"
• “You touched our lives for the briefest of moments, yet you will stay with us forever”
• “An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book ‘too beautiful for earth’”
• "There are no goodbyes; where ever we are, you'll always be in our hearts"
• "As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"

The unique and beautiful options for what you can do with your baby's stone are endless. There are many modern things that you can include that you wouldn't have been able to 100 years ago. For instance, you could have their picture put on it. You could have their handprints and/or footprints engraved. You could even have your own handwriting etched into the stone like my friend Morgan did for her son, Marcellus's stone. I thought a lot about putting a secret message to Lily in my own handwriting somewhere on her stone, but in the end chose not to. I also seriously thought about including her prints... however, I thought I wanted to make it look more like a stone you'd find from long ago.

What kind of font do you want on the stone? Click HERE for some font examples. What color do you want the font to be?

Do you want a flower vase to be included on top of the flat stone if you choose for it to be flat or on the side of the upright stone? Make sure you consider this before signing off on design plans because it may change the pricing and where the actual stone will be placed on the base.

I know how it can be a financial burden to purchase a headstone for a baby, something you never imagined you'd have to purchase. And I get it that headstones are expensive. That's why it's taken me so long to get my daughter's stone. It has been really tough waiting, but in a way I am glad I did because I have had time to think about exactly what I want, rather than rushing into it. It can be discouraging if you think you can't afford it. There are amazing organizations that offer financial support to those purchasing a headstone for their baby. Check out The Dempsey Burdick Memorial Foundation, Your Baby My Baby, The Tiana Foundation, and Hana's Gift (there might be other organizations that you can search for online). You should also know that you don't necessarily have to pay the entire cost of the headstone up front. For instance, I put down a deposit on half the cost of the stone and then they were able to begin production. I have been working on paying it off the entire time that it's been in production. You could possibly do a fundraiser for your baby's headstone (GoFundMe is a great option) and ask friends and family to consider contributing.

I know these are difficult decisions to make and can be quite overwhelming because how do you choose something that you will be satisfied with forever? Especially when it's a headstone for your baby and you want it to be perfect. It's especially hard knowing it's one of the last things you can do for your baby. If you need someone to talk to or want advice on design plans, please feel free to contact me at roseandherlily@gmail.com.

You could even go to your local cemetery for some ideas, which is what I did. As a matter of fact, at a big cemetery in Raleigh is where I found the exact size stone I wanted. I took measurements that I sent to the monument company and I took photos of the lamb to show them what I wanted... that way I knew exactly what I was getting.

I will end with a few beautiful examples of stones for inspiration (if you would like your baby's headstone to be pictured here for inspiration, please send a photo to me!)

If you can think of any other useful ideas and tips, please let me know!

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