Makes My Day

My friend Bexie sent me this picture recently and said, "Reminders of your little girl are everywhere."

In March, my sister-in-law Kala's brother, Daniel, saw this sign for a charming-looking store in Georgia and snapped a photo for me. How thoughtful!

My friend Chloé in New Zealand posted this picture on Facebook last month and said, "Found these in a shop, had to take a photo for Lily Katherine."

It makes my day when people think of Lily Kat! :)

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Lily Remembered at Loch Leven

My sweet friend Suzie sent me some photos last week when she was walking around Loch (the Scottish name for lake) Leven in Scotland. If you have a moment, you should Google this lake. I am amazed by the beauty there! You can tell it's lovely from this photo. Anyways, it's so special knowing Lily is being thought of and honored around the world. :)

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Lily Remembered at Atlantic Beach

My thoughtful sister-in-law Kala sent me photos and a video of Lily's name in the sand on a beach in North Carolina at Atlantic Beach when she and my brother Joseph were on vacation recently. She loves her niece. :)

The sound of the waves is so soothing.

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It All Started with Those Two Lines in June

As June rolls around again, I'm reminded of this poem I wrote last June (I changed five years to six years)...

Six years ago this June

Your life within me began

Summer came and with it came you

I was 19 when those two blue lines

Changed my entire life

Telling me you were mine

Afraid of what was to come

Still feeling so young,

At first I wanted to run

Like a delicate bloom,

Slowly opening in Spring

In my heart, for you He made room

As my belly grew

Throughout those months

So, my darling, did my love for you

Six years

You whispered "hello" and "goodbye"

I am left with missing-you-tears

That positive pregnancy test

Something so small changed it all

With your life, I have truly been blessed

I ache with missing, my dear

But I smile with such joy

I am so thankful God sent you here

That positive sign too soon

Turned to words etched in stone...

It all started with those two lines in June...

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"Mom"

I am so thankful for the local Christian babyloss support group, Covered in Love, that I am a part of. At our meeting last month, the two dear ladies who started the group handed out keychains that say "mom" on them, in recognition of Mother's Day. Obviously, this is an especially sweet gift to those of us moms who have no other living children, those of us who may not look like moms to the rest of the world because we mother our sweet babies in Heaven from Earth. But, yes, I am Lily and Luke's mother and I will be forever, no matter how many future babies I may have. Thank you, Bonnie and Lisa, for acknowledging that.

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She's Not Missing Anything

My little girl will never look into her mommy's eyes or grow up and get married and have babies of her own... and everything that comes between those life moments.

I'm sad for her that she won't know the joys life holds. But ultimately, when I *really* think about it, I can't be sad for her, but am really only sad for me missing those things with her. Because Lily is not missing out on anything. She only and will ever only know the perfection of Heaven, my love, and the love of Jesus.

A new blog follower wrote me an email a couple weeks ago. This is part of what she said: "Your Lily is blessed to have a mother with such strength for her remembrance of the life that she carried and brought into this world. You are the vessel of a miracle, and for all of Lily's life you were her safe haven, a supplier of warmth and gratitude, a cave of perfection. That is all your little Lily will know of this world... Throughout all the chaos, sadness, anger, and sin, you somehow managed to keep Lily away from all that. You gave Lily a life people can only dream about. You gave Lily a life and a voice."

What comforting words. She's right... Lily had everything any parent could ever want for their child, only love, without any sorrow or sin. My womb protected her. And now she is protected by the One who created her, waiting to be embraced by me one day.

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The Ultimate Graduate

Checking out at Walgreens yesterday, the cashier randomly mentioned how his granddaughter is "graduating" preschool and will be starting Kindergarten this fall. My heart broke a little bit because I couldn't tell him about my daughter who should also be starting Kindergarten this year. But as my cousin Anna said when I expressed to her how difficult this milestone is and how hard it'll be to see the "first day of school photos," Lily is with all the other little would-be Kindergartners in Heaven.... That's right, and they have the BEST teacher ever. She's really the ultimate graduate, having gone on to her Eternal Home.

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