Lily Remembered on the Kāpiti Coast

Lily Kat in Wellington, New Zealand on the Kāpiti Coast. Kāpiti Island in is in the background. Thanks, Chloé! 😄🌊☀️🐚🐳🐬🐟🐠🐢 #LilyKatsNameintheSand #LilyKatTravelstheGlobe

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Lily Remembered in New Zealand

My sweet friend Chloé remembered Lily in Tauranga, New Zealand! ❤️🌊🐚🐢☀️🐬🐟🐠  #LilyKatsNameintheSand #LilyKatTravelstheGlobe

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Mother's Day 2017

As usual, Mother's Day was bittersweet for me. I am so deeply touched by those who think of me and reach out through text, message, email, with photos, etc. 💕💐

A couple sweet mamas named Stephanie and Sara sent me this for Mother's Day, "from Lily," with her named hand-lettered on it. The envelope was addressed to "Mom," which was so sweet to receive. 😌

I also received this Mother's Day card "from" Lily. 💕

My sweet friend Brittany took Lily along with her family to St. Augustine, Florida on Mother's Day. A bright spot on a hard day! 💛 🐬 🐟 🐠 🐢 

My friend Emily also thoughtfully wrote Lily's name in the sand on her family vacation at Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, in honor of Mother's Day. ❤️ 🌊 ☀️ 🐚 🐳

My friend Chloé in New Zealand thoughtfully sent me this on Mother's Day. 💕

Whilst shopping in downtown Clayton, North Carolina the day before Mother's Day, I treated myself to a couple things that reminded me of my girl. It was special to find these things in the small stores we went in.

My friend Shannon went to a Remembrance Service at her local hospital that was in honor of Mother's Day. She lit a candle and released a balloon in honor of her daughter, as well as Lily, which means a lot to me.

My sweet big brother, Joseph, and his wife, Kala, brought me these flowers on Mother's Day. 😌 💐

A couple days before Mother's Day, I went to a talent show for a local Christian school for boys with my sister-in-law (she has connections through her work). The boys came out during the show with fresh roses and asked all the mothers to stand to receive one. I hesitated briefly, feeling awkward, until Kala grabbed my arm to pull me up. It was so sweet that these young boys are learning how to value women, and also sweet to be remembered. But the sweetest part of all was how Kala knew I'd feel awkward, so she pulled me up to receive my rose.

Janelle sent me this Forget-Me-Not picture for Mother's Day.

Mother's Day was hard, but I am thankful to be Lily's mommy. And I am thankful to spend the day with my own mother. Here she is with all four of her kiddos on Mother's Day 2017 - Joseph and Adam (twins), mom, myself, and Emmaline. We love and treasure our mom. We are thankful for her, love the person God made her to be, and appreciate all she's done for us and continues to do for us. Some things I love about her: how she follows Jesus and seeks to live in light of the Truth in all spheres of life, her incredible interior design and gardening skills, how she loves her grandchildren on Earth and in Heaven, her sense of humor, her servant-heart, among a thousand other things. What a gift it is to celebrate Mother's Day, and every day, with her. Side note: I wore my Lily shirt and earrings and a necklace with her photo on it. :)

I really wanted to pamper my mom on Mother's Day, especially with how much she was missing her own mother...

My friend Tina gave me a lily Bible for Lily Kat's birthday in March this year. My mom loved it when I got it, so I got her one too... with a lily in honor of her granddaughter. And I got her white daisies in honor of her mother (my Bumma), whose favorite flowers were daisies. We had white ones at her Service last month, so I want to make it an annual tradition to get my mom white daisies in her mother's honor each year for Mother's Day.

Mother's Day marked one month since my grandmother's unexpected passing and we were missing her dearly. The tears were flowing freely, especially for my mom. 

It's tough to see my mother grieve the loss of her mother. I can't do anything to ease her pain. And I feel my own pain. Mom is 60-years-old but feels in many ways like a child without her mother. She feels lost and desperate at times to talk to the woman who has been there since the moment her heart started beating. How do you say goodbye to your mother? To the one whose love brought you to life. There are so many different kinds of grief in this world, and Lily has helped me to be much more aware and sensitive of that.

Everyone dies. Those who get as many years as my Bumma got are fortunate. But just because death at an old age is expected doesn't make it any less painful. When you love someone, you don't see their age. You see the very heart and soul of that person. Bumma had 85 amazing years on this Earth. I am thankful for the nearly 28 years I had her here. But I'll miss her the rest of my life.

This photo was taken with my mama and her mama on my 21st birthday in 2010, visiting "our tree friend." ❤️

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Lily Remembered at Rainbow Springs ‎️‍🌈

My sweet friend Chloé in New Zealand, who constantly remembers Lily and sends me lovely photos, sent these below with these words: "Mark and I were in Rotorua the other day, at Rainbow Springs, and we took a couple of photos for Lily. "

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Lily Remembered at Hamilton Gardens

My friend Chloé in New Zealand snapped these lovely photos and compiled this collage for me a couple days before Christmas.

She wrote: "We went to the Hamilton Gardens today, and there were so many different types of lilies I couldn't resist taking a few photos! Love to you this Christmas, pretty lady" 

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Lily Remembered with Sparklers

My friend Chloé (who is an incredible artist and drew Lily's memorial portrait) in New Zealand sent me these photos of Lily Katherine's name written with sparklers last night. 😍  It was Guy Fawkes, which I'd never heard of before.

Isn't this so fun and unique?! I love having my sweet girl remembered in so many different ways by people near and far.

The pictures remind me of a Sleeping At Last song, with lyrics that say "we live and we die like fireworks." Doesn't that aptly describe Lily's life and death? Fireworks beautifully and colorfully shoot across the sky and are gone just as suddenly. Just like Lily, who lit up my world with beauty and brilliant color. ❤️💥💫

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Capture Your Grief ~ Day 11

Capture Your Grief 2016

for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Day 11: Creative Heartwork

October 11, 2016 ♥

Day 11. Creative Heartwork: Have you done anything special to memorialize your child? Maybe you got a tattoo or commissioned a piece of art to be created. Maybe you have a special piece of jewelry to remember them by or created a garden.

Today we are to share if we've done anything special to memorialize our children. Where do I begin? Over the last 6 1/2 years since Lily was born, I have done numerous things in her memory. I do them to honor her and also because these are some of the only ways I can mother her and do tangible things as a mother in general.

I'll shared just a few of my favorite things that both I and others have done for her...

*Tattoo*

On her 5th birthday, I got my beautiful baby girl's name permanently written on my wrist, in my own handwriting, as a reflection of the forever mark she's made on my life. Lily's name was one of the only things I could ever give her, one of the only things that's hers. It speaks of her existence and value. Whenever I glance down, I am reminded of my love for her and the work God has done in me and so many others through her life. Her name is right above my pulse which reminds me of something my best friend once said to me, "Her heart beats with every beat of your own." Yes. In a letter to Lily that I wrote and read to her at her Celebration of Life Service, I said, "Sometimes it feels like people are already forgetting you, but I won't forget. So don't feel like you're missing out on all the fun, because wherever I go, there you'll be too." This is just another way for me to keep that promise to her. I'll live my life for the both of us. 🌷

*Scrapbook*

Over the past 6+ years I have worked on and off on 2 scrapbooks for Lily. One is my pregnancy scrapbook, filled with 70 pages!! of ultrasounds, my baby shower, birth guesses, her name, memories, etc., and the other is filled with pictures from our time with her in the hospital, her service, and the ways she's been honored. This is how I mother Lily, this is how I share her with others. This is how her story will continue being told through the generations. It is a gift for people to want to hear about Lily and to want to see her scrapbook. That speaks more love to me than I can describe. Sharing her heals my heart. Having others genuinely want to talk about her and hear about her is a huge blessing. I have put more hours than I can count into working on these scrapbooks and more love than can be measured. 💕

*Jewelry*

Having a piece of jewelry to wear close to my heart is a special way to carry my sweet girl with me. I have multiple pieces that I love, some given as gifts and others purchased by me. I was given a locket that has Lily's photo, some meaningful words, and dirt from her burial spot all incorporated into it. I was given a beautiful Origami Owl locket with special charms that remind me of Lily. I got a necklace from My Forever Child that perfectly captures the finest details of Lily's delicate handprint. This exquisite pendant never fails to elicit compliments from others wherever I go. 💖 

*Her Name in the Sand*

Lily's name has been written in the sand on beaches and lakes by many, many people all over the world, from Scotland to Australia, France, and Italy to name a few. As mentioned before, her name is one of the only things of hers, so it means so much when others remember her with me. 🌊🐚🐬🐳

My friend Chloé in New Zealand, from Eternal Hope Memorial Portraits, drew a portrait of Lily, that perfectly captures her likeness. She drew roses and lilies into the portrait, which symbolizes mother and daughter. This portrait is on my wall and I love seeing it every day. 😊

-Click here to see all of my photos from CYG 2016.

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Lily Remembered at Paraparaumu Beach

My sweet girl's name was written in the sand over the weekend at Paraparaumu Beach in New Zealand by my friend Chloé. ❤️

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Lily and Rose Candle

My friend Chloé in New Zealand (who drew Lily's portrait) shared this photo with me and said "look what I just saw in the shop!" I love the candle itself, the fact it made her think of my girl and I, and that the rose and lily look similar to those on my blog header/on Lily's stone. :)

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Mother's Day 2016

On a day that I miss the one who made me a mother, I am incredibly thankful and know I am blessed to spend the day with my own mother. I am thankful I can call my grandmother and hear her voice. I am thankful to God for giving me the gift of motherhood and that I can ask Him to hug my sweet girl, give her a kiss, and tell her I'll see her soon.

Here are some pictures of my dear mother and I through the years...

When I came home from the hospital

At one of my favorite places, the BEACH!

Look at that smirk ;)

A recent photo

Here are my Bumma and I last summer. :)

My Mother's Day turned out to be a special day. The days leading up to it were harder than the actual day. I really purposefully tried to focus on being thankful, and hopeful for the future chapters of my motherhood journey. I got some sweet messages and texts, a card, some flowers, a necklace, and we went out for a nice meal at Ruby Tuesday. It was a better Mother's Day than I've had in years past, mostly because I decided it would be.

Here are the Mother's Day lilies that my thoughtful brother, Joseph, and sister-in-law, Kala, brought me. :'-)

Here is the card I got in the mail the day before Mother's Day, which really brightened my weekend. It's from my Aunt Helen. It touched my heart to know she thought of me and my babies and that she went to look for a specific card for me. And I am so happy to know that cards like this exist for the "nontraditional mothers." If you are looking for a card like this for someone in your life, know that they are out there if you look for them.

My mom got me this simple pearl necklace for Mother's Day/a graduation gift. I selected it at a charming little store in downtown Lynchburg. Pearls symbolize purity, which reminds me of Lily. It is so dainty and I love it. :)

My friend Ellen sent me this picture for Mother's Day.

My friend Sandra sent me this.

My friend Chloé sent me this picture and wrote, "I was at an appointment recently and there was a bunch of flowers at the reception desk that reminded me of your baby girl. :) Happy Mother's Day!"

Click HERE to read a poem I wrote for Mother's Day.

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