It All Started with Those Two Lines in June

Nine years ago this June

Your life within me began

Summer came and with it came you

I was 19 when those two blue lines

Changed my entire life

Telling me you were mine

Afraid of what was to come

Still feeling so young,

At first I wanted to run

Like a delicate bloom,

Slowly opening in Spring

In my heart, for you He made room

As my belly grew

Throughout those months

So, my darling, did my love for you

Nine years

You whispered "hello" and "goodbye"

I am left with missing-you-tears

That positive pregnancy test

Something so small changed it all

With your life, I have truly been blessed

I ache with missing, my dear

But I smile with such joy

I am so thankful God sent you here

That positive sign too soon

Turned to words etched in stone...

It all started with those two lines in June... 💕

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A Second Heart

"Your memory beats inside me like a second heart."

Happy Valentine's Day, my sweet Heavenly Valentine! ❤️

My mom wrote this beautiful poem for me in Lily's honor for Valentine's Day 2011:

GOODBYE LILY KATHERINE

By Ginny Allen, Lily's Grandmother

In my daughter's womb, grew her gift from above.

We readied a room, for her wee one to love.

On our merry way rejoicing, to a glorious celebration.

Expecting our flower’s arriving, Jesus' tears hid the sun.

God had bid her go before we said, "Hello."

Goodbye budding life. Goodbye shattered dreams.

Goodbye precious babe lying still in our arms.

Goodbye sweet nursing and soft cries.

Goodbye to rocking and lullabies.

Goodbye wonder and curiosity.

Goodbye to kissing who you would be.

Goodbye to hearing "grandma" and "mama" too.

Goodbye to discovering wonderful you.

Goodbye snuggling you to our hearts.

Goodbye tore our lives apart.

Goodbye to our pure Lily Katherine.

Goodbye ‘til we meet you in Heaven.

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On Newborn Baby Cries

When you've gone to term in pregnancy and didn't hear your baby's cry, it does something to your soul when you hear other babies cry... ❤️

New life emerging

Is there a more beautiful sound

Gasping, drawing that first breath

A tiny babe's voice is found

Knife to my heart

Sound of a newborn's cry

Sweetness contradicted

In the pain of why

Haunted

By silence and stillness

Soul-piercing, heart-wrenching

Like a perpetual illness

Her perfect heart stopped beating

Catapulting me into this world

A world of forever silence

Dreams for her life unfurled

Her new life emerged

Somehow already having ended

A grieving mother emerged

Previous self apprehended

Silence somehow screams

Resounding through the years

Reminder of life that slipped away

Echoing silent tears

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It All Started with Those Two Lines in June

Eight years ago this June

Your life within me began

Summer came and with it came you

I was 19 when those two blue lines

Changed my entire life

Telling me you were mine

Afraid of what was to come

Still feeling so young,

At first I wanted to run

Like a delicate bloom,

Slowly opening in Spring

In my heart, for you He made room

As my belly grew

Throughout those months

So, my darling, did my love for you

Eight years

You whispered "hello" and "goodbye"

I am left with missing-you-tears

That positive pregnancy test

Something so small changed it all

With your life, I have truly been blessed

I ache with missing, my dear

But I smile with such joy

I am so thankful God sent you here

That positive sign too soon

Turned to words etched in stone...

It all started with those two lines in June... ❤️

Tweet

A Second Heart

"Your memory beats inside me like a second heart."

Happy Valentine's Day, my sweet Heavenly Valentine! ❤️

My mom wrote this beautiful poem for me in Lily's honor for Valentine's Day 2011:

GOODBYE LILY KATHERINE

By Ginny Allen, Lily's grandmother

In my daughter's womb, grew her gift from above.

We readied a room, for her wee one to love.

On our merry way rejoicing, to a glorious celebration.

Expecting our flower’s arriving, Jesus' tears hid the sun.

God had bid her go before we said, "Hello."

Goodbye budding life. Goodbye shattered dreams.

Goodbye precious babe lying still in our arms.

Goodbye sweet nursing and soft cries.

Goodbye to rocking and lullabies.

Goodbye wonder and curiosity.

Goodbye to kissing who you would be.

Goodbye to hearing "grandma" and "ma-ma" too.

Goodbye to discovering wonderful you.

Goodbye snuggling you to our hearts.

Goodbye tore our lives apart.

Goodbye to our pure Lily Katherine.

Goodbye ‘til we meet you in Heaven.

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My Almost 7-year-old Girl

This is a poem I wrote in 2015 about 5-year-old girls, but I am reminded of it again this year, with my would-be-almost-7-year-old-girl. So I changed 5 to 7 to make it applicable.

7-year-old girls should bring boisterous laughter and constant chatter

Glitter, baby dolls, and pigtails should be what matter

7-year-old girls should never leave you alone

Instead of silence gripping your heart as you talk to a stone

7-year-old girls should love Frozen, dressing up, and American Girl too

Not leave us wondering what we're missing and who

7-year-old girls should no longer be babies

Rather than a question mark of a lifetime of maybes

My almost 7-year-old girl will never be 7

She's alive waiting for her mommy in Heaven

I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
Even more so as your birthday draws near.
I'll never stop. 💕 #myforeverbaby

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It All Started with Those Two Lines in June

Seven years ago this June

Your life within me began

Summer came and with it came you

I was 19 when those two blue lines

Changed my entire life

Telling me you were mine

Afraid of what was to come

Still feeling so young,

At first I wanted to run

Like a delicate bloom,

Slowly opening in spring

In my heart, for you He made room

As my belly grew

Throughout those months

So, my darling, did my love for you

Seven years.

You whispered "hello" and "goodbye"

I am left with missing-you-tears

That positive pregnancy test

Something so small changed it all

With your life, I have truly been blessed

I ache with missing, my dear

But I smile with such joy

I am so thankful God sent you here

That positive sign too soon

Turned to words etched in stone...

It all started with those two lines in June...

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Lily's Secret World

 

Her secret world

In mama's womb

Safe and sheltered

Sacred, beautiful, awe

Formed by the Almighty

Hidden from all eyes

Though unseen -

Sounds heard...

Music that brings dance...

Voices familiar...

Mama's heart thumping...

Food tasted...

Dreaming...

Kicking...

Punching...

Yawning...

Hiccups...

Smiling...

Love felt...

Not a breath

Yet an intricate, extravagant

Purposeful life

Days don't equal worth

Nor accomplishment

But the fingerprint of God

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It All Started with Those Two Lines in June

As June rolls around again, I'm reminded of this poem I wrote last June (I changed five years to six years)...

Six years ago this June

Your life within me began

Summer came and with it came you

I was 19 when those two blue lines

Changed my entire life

Telling me you were mine

Afraid of what was to come

Still feeling so young,

At first I wanted to run

Like a delicate bloom,

Slowly opening in Spring

In my heart, for you He made room

As my belly grew

Throughout those months

So, my darling, did my love for you

Six years

You whispered "hello" and "goodbye"

I am left with missing-you-tears

That positive pregnancy test

Something so small changed it all

With your life, I have truly been blessed

I ache with missing, my dear

But I smile with such joy

I am so thankful God sent you here

That positive sign too soon

Turned to words etched in stone...

It all started with those two lines in June...

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5-Year-Old Girls

Someone I know told me on Saturday that they took their grandson to a little girl's birthday party. Her name is Lily and she just turned 5. She had a Frozen-themed party at a bowling alley. I hate not knowing Lily at 5, I hate not knowing what she would like, I hate not being able to throw her a birthday party, and that I'll never meet the friends she would have had.

And I've been seeing photos of 5th birthday parties posted by people I know who had children around the time I had Lily.

These things prompted me to write the following poem about my should-be-5-year-old....

5-year-old girls should bring boisterous laughter and constant chatter

Glitter, baby dolls, and pigtails should be what matter

5-year-old girls should never leave you alone

Instead of silence gripping your heart as you talk to a stone

5-year-old girls should love Frozen, dressing up, and American Girl too

Not leave us wondering what we're missing and who

5-year-old girls should no longer be babies

Rather than a question mark of a lifetime of maybes

My 5-year-old girl will never be 5

But in Heaven she waits, that's where she's alive

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Summer Came and with It Came You

Five years ago this month was when I got pregnant with Lily. It was the beginning of her short life on Earth and her forever legacy. Anyways, June will always make me think of her. It is the start of my memories of my girl. I cannot believe it's been five years. I decided to write her a little poem on this fifth anniversary of the beginning of her life...

Five years ago this June

Your life within me began

Summer came and with it came you

I was 19 when those two blue lines

Changed my entire life

Telling me you were mine

Afraid of what was to come

Still feeling so young,

At first I wanted to run

Like a delicate bloom,

Slowly opening in Spring

In my heart, for you He made room

As my belly grew

Throughout those months

So, my darling, did my love for you

Five years

You whispered "hello" and "goodbye"

I am left with missing-you-tears

That positive pregnancy test

Something so small changed it all

With your life, I have truly been blessed

I ache with missing, my dear

But I smile with such joy

I am so thankful God sent you here

That positive sign too soon

Turned to words etched in stone...

It all started with those two lines in June... 

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