As I shared in Lily's birthday post, this year I needed her day to be simpler. I let go of the pressure to do certain "big" things for her, and just embraced where I am and what I felt I needed. 🎉9️⃣ Unfortunately I wasn't able to see much of my family her birthday weekend, but that's just how things worked out this year. Her birthday fell on a Saturday, so I was already off work. I was busy packing and preparing a lot of the day because I flew to Michigan before dawn the next morning.
We had red-velvet treats, a favorite tradition started with my red-velvet cake at my Valentine's-themed baby shower. Monarch butterfly cupcakes and petit fours. If you're familiar with Lily's story, you know butterflies remind me of her. I got the butterfly toppers on Etsy (one of my favorite places to shop). ❤️💕🎂💕❤️
Lily's spot had to look beautiful, as it does every year on her day. I put together the flower arrangement (with roses and lilies of course) and got the balloon and flag on Etsy. 💐🎈
I also got this fun cupcake balloon for Lily's birthday, which I kept mostly at my house because of the wind at the cemetery. It's hard to see in the picture, but I was wearing a butterfly shirt for Lily's day.
As is tradition, we had hashbrowns for our lil Spud on her due date of March 14th, "Spud Day" as we call it. Her due date day is National Potato Chip Day and if you've been following Lily's story for long, you know I craved hashbrowns my entire pregnancy. We now eat hashbrowns each year on Spud Day. ;)
I was blessed to be surrounded by beautiful and colorful flowers for the days and weeks surrounding Lily's birthday, from thoughtful friends, family, and coworkers. The blooms sure brightened my days. Thank you Shana, Ashley & Dale, Liza, mom, Lauren, and Deb. 💕💐💜
These gorgeous tulips were from some sweet coworkers. They said in the card they gave along with the tulips that they thought I could plant them in a special place for them to grow each year on Lily's birthday. :)
These gorgeous flowers, along with the Lily chocolate, are from my thoughtful friend, Liza.
My mom had these delivered to me at work on Lily's due date, "Spud Day," since I wasn't working on her actual birthday.
I got these chocolate "9's" on Etsy (specifically with my chocoholic niece in mind). ;)
Lily was remembered her birthday week by Ashley in Kona, Hawaii! 😊💗🌊☀️🐚🐳🐬🐟🐠🐢
As is tradition, at 4:24 p.m. (Lily's birth minute), we sang her the birthday song. I made sure we were at the cemetery for her special minute. The sun felt warm on my skin and it felt so peaceful there. I could have taken a nap in the grass and spent all afternoon at her spot.
My friend Tiffany who lives in California also lost a daughter on March 16, in 2007. I send her a package in honor of Lily's little birthday buddy, Genesis, every year. It's a sweet way I like to honor and recognize both our baby girls. We both associate St. Patrick's Day and clovers with our girls, since they were born the day before. This was the package I sent this year. It's a clover purse. I couldn't resist getting one for myself too because of how adorable it is! :)
A couple days before Lily's birthday, I was looking for a card for someone and this one caught my eye. I couldn't resist getting it for my 9-year-old.
My Aunt Helen, who always remembers Lily (especially around her birthday) sent me this thoughtful package. I love what she wrote in the "9" card! She knows lambs and butterflies remind me of Lily. :)
My sweet friend Elise got me this beautiful butterfly box for Lily's birthday.
This was the March 16th sunset from my little corner of the world in Virginia. The sun sets on another March... Thank you for celebrating her with me and for reaching out in all the many ways you have this month.
Here are the blog posts I've written over the years, both on Lily's birthdays, as well as the posts about how we've celebrated her birthdays:
A beautiful baby girl that I carried, birthed, and love should be turning 9 today. It's my birthing-day.
9 years since I held that perfect-but-without-breath 7 pound 9 ounce and 21 inch body and saw my face in hers.
9 years of treasuring her life and mothering her legacy.
9 years of her name being written all over the world in the sand, snow, and everywhere in between.
9 years of writing and speaking about her.
9 years and the missing and love haven't changed.
Honestly, I am at a bit of a loss for words this year. I have been so busy with working full-time and taking Masters classes and just life in general that I've barely had time to process Lily's birthday and my memories and feelings surrounding it. Not only that, but I'm dealing with some difficult things right now, which compounds my grief with it being Lily's time of year.
Around her day each year, I like to go back and read my blog posts where I see how we've celebrated her on each of her past birthdays. This year, I honestly don't have much planned. It made me feel sad to see how many special things I've done in her honor in the past and guilty for not doing more this year.
As I was contemplating these feelings, I realized this is pressure I put on myself for no reason. Her birthday season might look different each year. Some years I might go to the beach or somewhere else different and fun, while other years (like this year), the plans may be more simple. Some years I might get a tattoo or deliver hospital comfort boxes, while other years I may celebrate in a quieter way. There is no need for any pressure because my love for Lily does not wane... despite what is going on or not going on or how many years have passed.
This year, I need things to be gentler and simpler. This year, I will cherish long-held traditions and the memory of her life within mine. This year, I will let go of the pressure or the need to do certain things or write certain words in order for her life to "count," in order for the great loss of her to mean something. She matters and nothing in all of the universe could ever change that. I love her and nothing will diminish my devotion as her mommy.
A sweet acquaintance turned friend named Liza told me last weekend how she read my words after she walked through one, and then two miscarriages, and was in a dark place. She said my sharing about Lily helped her to know it was okay to grieve and feel sad over something she had wanted so badly. She felt validated and it helped her share her journey publicly herself. She said she doesn't know she would have it weren't for Lily and my sharing. She said I could keep this all to myself and it would be understandable, but that she's thankful I share Lily with others and that others are able to get to know my girl and can join in and be a part of her life and story. In turn, Liza sharing her journey has helped me walking my own, as I know it has helped many others too. It's amazing how that works.
She went on to say that the reason Lily died wasn't to help and impact others. That wouldn't be reason enough for those who have lost a child. Jesus never brings or intends death, but in His power and love, He is able to use the seemingly most bleak and utterly wretched circumstances and pain for our good and His glory. I find comfort in knowing that even in death and suffering, God has brought beauty. There is much solace in that truth.
Having my friend share this with me touched my heart deeply. I say this every year, but it seems the Lord reserves special blessings for the month of March. I have gotten precious messages from blog readers, some who have followed along for years and I've never heard from. One had a dream about Lily this month. This month is marked as sacred and these messages and words about Lily carry me and encourage me to continue sharing my journey.
My journey this year is that I thought I didn't have much to share... but maybe it turns out I had more to say than I realized. I love all you who love Lily alongside me.
Long time, no write. Are you still there? I've missed you and this space. I have much to catch you up on. I mostly share Lily-related things on my Facebook page or Instagram these days. However, this is Lily's month. She'd be turning 9 on March 16th. So, I find myself drawn back to this blog again...
A follower of Lily's story sent me a message today that my sweet birthday girly visited her dream.
She wrote: "I had a dream the other night and I just have to share. It was so weird and so random because I hardly ever have dreams like this. Anyways, I was dreaming that my kids were playing and one of them asked me about S. I was explaining how she lived in Heaven and was being taken care of, when my daughter said, "Oh, like Rose and Her Lily?" I was like what, what made you say that? She said, "I don't know, but I just had to say it." I woke up totally surprised and I told myself I was going to obviously share this with you and as soon as I opened up Facebook, your post was the first to show on my News Feed. It could just be a coincidence, but I would like to believe she is trying to tell you "hello." It is her month too. 💕"
It never ceases to amaze me that special Lily happenings occur every March. She somehow finds a way to let me know she's okay. I believe it's a gift from God, reminding me that Rose and Her Lily are still being held and cared for, no matter how many Marches come and go. There's something oh so sacred about a dream visit.
This March 16th was a beautiful one. As I've written before, Lily's birthday means more to me than any other day, even my own birthday. Yes, I get sad and reflective, but it so much more than that. It's like God highlights the day and somehow just makes it feel so special and magical, from start to finish. He hides treasures throughout the day, waiting to be discovered. But honestly, I could sit at home all day and still March 16th would be marked as sacred... and so, so sweet. 8 years out and the sweetness outweighs the bitter in bittersweet, without comparison. I love you, my sweetheart. I know you are safe. I'm forever thankful you are mine and I am yours.
Here is Lily's special spot in Crozet, Virginia decorated for her 8th birthday! The flower arrangement (with roses and lilies of course) was put together by her mommy and grandmother. I found the flag and balloon online. ☺️💕❤️💐8️⃣
Here are Lily's 8th birthday red-velvet cupcakes with stargazer lilies on top (my favorite type of lily). :) This is one of my favorite traditions for my girl on her birthday, which started because I had a red-velvet cake at my Valentine's baby shower. I got them at a local bakery in Virginia and the owner shares a birthday with Lily Kat! ❤️💕🎂💕❤️
We had delicious red-velvet ice-cream. We had a mini Shamrock cake too, though I unfortunately can't find that photo now.
My sister-in-law Kala got me these beautiful flowers for Lily's birthday. She arranged them herself. They smelled wonderful! She's such a sweet auntie. ☺️💕🌻🌸🌿💐
A thoughtful friend of mine from childhood sent me this gorgeous painting for Lily's birthday. Stephanie, thank you so much for remembering my girl with me and for the time you put into this! I've always loved your art. 😄🎨💕💜🌸
It was so special to visit Lily's spot on her birthday with her cousin, Harvest, who was almost 2 at the time. Now that H is older, it brings such joy to my heart to watch her show interest in Lily's stone (especially the lamb), to run around in the sunshine and blow bubbles for her cousin. It's a strange juxtaposition of life and death to be experienced in a cemetery. I wish these girls could know each other here. My daughter would now be 8, a big kid compared to lil' H. I know they still have a special bond and fully believe they will one day meet. Harvest wore her butterfly shirt in Lily's honor. 💕
On March 16, 2010 at 4:24 p.m., Lily was born. As is tradition, at 4:24 p.m. on her 8th birthday, we lit the red-velvet cupcake candle that is used only on special dates. We sang Lily girl the birthday song, as well as a favorite of my families' that says, "Every day of the year, may you find Jesus near." Singing those words to her holds and entirely different meaning. We also blew bubbles that my thoughtful friend gave me for Lily's birthday. As you can probably tell by the video, Lily's cousin Harvest loved this part of the celebration. :)
Each year in honor of Lily for her birthday, I like to have some sort of project or do something for others. This year I sponsored a little girl in Jesus' name and Lily's honor through Compassion International. She shares the exact same birthday as Lily!
I was rockin' my St. Patrick's Day green for my mid-March girl over her birthday weekend!
My friend Tiffany who lives on the opposite Coast also has a daughter who was stillborn on March 16th, in 2007. Sending a package in honor of her girl who shared my girl's birthday is something I treasure each March. Genesis has her own special spot in my heart. It is interesting reading what Tiffany writes because there are so many similarities between us... the same anticipation about our daughter's impending birthdays when the new year rolls around. The same tie we have to March 17th, St. Patrick's Day, and how we associate that date and all things green/Clovers/Shamrocks with our girls. I got them some St. Patrick's Day temporary tattoos so her other kiddos could honor their sister. Anytime I see dragonflies, something that makes Tiffany think of Genesis, it also makes me think of her. It's amazing how we carry the babies of our friends with us always. We both also like to snap photos of the things that are "winks from Heaven." Each year on March 16th, I like to see how Tiffany honors Genesis. We both have traditions. It is sweet thinking of them throughout the day, knowing that Tiffany is probably feeling many of the things I am at the same time I am.
My friend Joanna who used to be my neighbor has a daughter Ashley was also born on March 16th. She turned 15 this year, which means Lily was born on her 7th birthday. My mom and I didn't know them well when Lily was born. However, it's crazy to think about how we were living by each other and had no idea that on the idea I was at the hospital delivering Lily, they were celebrating Ashley's birthday. Two little girls born at the same hospital on the same date 7 years apart. We discovered this shared date a year later, when Lily would have turned 1. It came up in casual conversation with my mom one day. That was around the time we started becoming friends with Joanna. We decided to take Ashley a gift to honor Lily on her birthday, since we can't get anything for our own little girl. They didn't even know about Lily at that point, but right when we took the gift over, Joanna was surprised we remembered her birthday and said, "Oh, you must have someone in your family with that birthday." So my mom told her about our girl. She was so sweet about it and wrote in a thank you card: "Ashley has really enjoyed her birthday gifts. I'm glad she could bring happiness to your special day." (I am referencing old blog posts to recall these details). After that first year giving Ashley a gift, we decided to make it an annual tradition to honor Lily. And by that point, we had become good friends with Jojo. Not only is doing this for Ashley a sweet way to honor Lily, but we really enjoy shopping for girls and imagining what Lily might have liked through the years. We love watching Ashley open her gifts and it means a lot when she likes what was selected for her.
My friend Bianca in South Africa sent me these adorable photos of her girls wishing Lily a happy birthday! Her oldest daughter is also named Lily and was also born in mid-March, so we have a special connection. :)
I was so thankful my brothers, sister-in-law, and niece were able to join my mom and I in Virginia for Lily's birthday weekend! It means more to me than I could ever express that they celebrate, honor, and remember her with me. Their friend also came up for the weekend, which happened to be his birthday weekend too. It was gorgeous! Look at those Blue Ridge Mountains on Lily's special day.
March 16 Sunset
This little girl right here.... she brings such joy and healing to my heart in the hard moments.
During my pregnancy with Lily, I enjoyed the personal pan cheese pizzas at Pizza Hut, so mom and I had that for lunch.
We ate at Cracker Barrel for dinner when the others arrived from North Carolina. This is a special birthday tradition and where we've eaten all but one of Lily's birthdays (when we were at the beach). They were so sweet to treat me. :)
It snowed in Virginia the week of Lily's birthday and I was able to write something special in the snow. I also wrote a few baby names for friends.
My friend Cambry gave me a red-velvet cupcake for Lily's birthday. It was DELICIOUS!
My friend/roomie Mary gave me a yummy dirty chai tea latte at the local coffee shop her family owns. :)
Thank you for all the comments, texts, messages, etc. and for caring about my sweet girl in 2018! I got some other cards and gifts that I don't have photos of, but I greatly appreciate. A travel mug from Bex, confetti, bubbles, and something for decorating Lily's grave from Emily, a basket of goodies from my Aunt Helen, and a pretty top from Terri. :)
Here are the blog posts I've written over the years, both on Lily's birthdays, as well as the posts about how we've celebrated her birthdays:
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