Last night, I celebrated my friend Ellen's sweet son Riley's 2nd birthday in Heaven at Buffalo Brothers! Her friends and family were so warm and welcoming and I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. You are loved and missed, baby boy! I'm thankful I could be there for such a special occasion. His actual birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. Riley is Ellen's only child and as I've written about many times before, there is a unique grief that comes when you lose your only child. Please pray for her... that the Lord would comfort her heart and would give her the blessing of having another child to call her own and bring home one day soon.
And it got me thinking... I am single and therefore, my schedule is a lot more flexible to do things like this. If I were married, perhaps I'd need to be home with my husband, making dinner, caring for kiddos, and doing the wife/mom thing. That is of course what I long for and desire, but I want to fully embrace my singleness for the gift that it is. I have the freedom to go out on a Monday night to honor the baby of a friend of mine. I have the freedom to stay for hours talking with her about our little ones and just being there for her. That, my friends, is a gift that I don't want to take for granted. ❤️🎉🎈
Ellen and me at the celebration
The adorable cake for Riley! It was delicious too :)
Gifts for Riley's mommy
There was a little 5-year-old girl at the celebration who was playing and said the salt and pepper on the table were getting married. When asked what the salt's name was, she pointed at me. Then, she said the pepper is named Brandon. I said maybe it's a sign I need to be looking out for a Brandon. haha 😂
My friend Eliza recently published a book called "Out of Darkness." I got my copy today. :)
I'm so deeply touched that along with Eliza's Aunt Adele (who was stillborn), my two L's are included in the dedication. Isn't it so beautiful how she phrased it... the children who took their first breath in the King's land.
My signed copy!
All proceeds from the book are being donated to Justice For All, a non-profit pro-life organization. I'm excited to read my copy!
Here are Eliza and I in Colorado at Ellerslie last Fall.. that is where we met. :)
Have you heard of the country/bluegrass husband and wife musician duo, Joey and Rory? If you aren't familiar with their story, Joey (the wife) passed away in March of this year after battling cancer.
Rory created a movie which shares their family journey in the form of a uniquely captivating documentary. I saw it twice in theaters because it was just that good and I didn't know if it would be available for viewing after those special showtimes. The good news is that it is now being released on DVD in time for Christmas!
The documentary chronicles their simple life on their charming farm in Tennessee. Rory says he thinks Joey didn't want to be a mother for so long because she was afraid she wouldn't be a good one. But she knew God was asking her to surrender and trust Him... That is when she gets pregnant with their precious baby, Indiana (Indy). They find out shortly after Indy is born that she has Down Syndrome. But Joey says she knows God gave them the exact baby they were meant to have. The beauty of this story leaves me breathless and how their real life and these mundane moments, that actually turned out to be big moments, are authentically captured on camera. Rory says he felt like he was supposed to be filming for some reason, and he believed God would give them a great story to tell. God leads us even when we don't recognize He is. Indy is a spunky, hilarious, precious baby girl... and her life loudly tells the world how all life is valuable and purposeful! Joey is an incredible mother and it brings me to tears to see how she interacts with her little girl. Joey bravely faces cancer and glorifies the Lord she loves so much through her life... and her death. They released an album of favorite hymns while she had cancer. It moved me so much to see her praising Him through her pain and diagnosis and in her frailty. She was literally recording vocals for the CD while in the Cancer Treatment Center.
All I can say is, you simply must see this movie! What a gift for Rory and Indy to have this footage of their beloved wife/mother. This is a story of hope, love, surrender, trust, and beauty in the ashes.
Here is the official trailer for the movie that truly captures the essence of it. These couple minutes of footage is enough to put a lump in your throat.
Their music is beautiful as well. I have a couple of their albums. This song below reminds me so much of my beautiful Lily girl.
A bright sunrise will contradict the heavy fault that weighs you down
In spite of all the funeral songs the birds will make their joyful sounds
You wonder why the Earth still moves, you wonder how you'll carry on
But you'll be okay on that first day when I'm gone
Dusk will comes with fireflies and whippoorwill and crickets call
And every star will take its place and silvery gown and purple shawl
You'll lie down in our big bed, dread the dark and dread the dawn
But you'll be alright on that first night when I'm gone
You will reach for me in vain
You'll be whispering my name
As if sorrow were your friend
And this world so alien
But life will call with daffodils and morning glorious blue skies
You'll think of me some memory and softly smile to your surprise
And even though you love me still you will know where you belong
Just give it time we'll both be fine when I'm gone
These lyrics remind both my mom and I of Lily... She was born in Spring and we were struck with how the birds still made their joyful sounds, the flowers still bloomed, and life still went on without our Spring girl. We expressed the very same things... how does the Earth still move? How does the wind still blow? But it does, and you do, and the Lord brings you to a place where you are captivated by the beauty of living again, and knowing this is where you belong until He calls you Home... And you smile more than cry when thinking of your lost loved one.
This next song is not by Joey and Rory, but it was in the movie, and it too reminds me of my beautiful girl.
One of my favorite annual Christmas traditions is getting at least one new ornament for Lily. I've wanted one with her ultrasound photo for a long time and finally got one this year. It can even be used throughout the year and not just at Christmas. This gorgeous ornament was found on Etsy...surprise, surprise ;) The shop is called katnippillustrations. Her work is seriously gorgeous! 💙💜
We all know red-velvet is a Lily thing and I simply cannot pass it up when I see it. A few days ago, I was grabbing a couple things at the grocery store for our Thanksgiving meal we were having at our Bible study group when I saw these on the shelf. It made me smile and I had to get them. :)
Well, Kristen and I have been staying in contact through the months since then. She had shared a beautiful photo of dear little Ryleigh and in the photo, the birds on her outfit looked familiar. It turns out, my sister-in-law Kala was given the exact same outfit for my niece Harvest who was born in the Spring, though she can't remember from who. Ryleigh was buried in this outfit, and since it was given by the hospital, Kristen has no idea where it came from.
When you are a bereaved parent, you cling to anything and everything that reminds you of your precious baby... especially when your baby was stillborn, because there are so few things of them. I have always wished and expressed my wish that I had an extra of the outfit and little brown shoes that Lily was buried in. I wish I had them as a keepsake to keep in her memory chest.
Kala was so generous to say she wanted to offer the outfit to Kristen, especially if it had been her burial outfit, which we didn't know if it was or not at the time. I asked Kristen, and she said yes, it was. And she would love to have it. I'm so glad she sent me that photo showing the outfit and that we were able to put the pieces together. We all just think it's amazing that it's the same outfit and recognize that God is in the details. I'm so glad Kristen can have this outfit to remind her always of her sweet first-born daughter.
On October 16th, the day after Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and in recognition of it, I was asked to speak at a local church in my area, Penny Road Church of the Nazarene. I was so grateful for the opportunity to share my story, as I always am.
My friend Niki asked me back in August if I'd be interested in coming to share, and I said I would be honored to. Her church was gracious enough to welcome her planning this event for this special Remembrance Day. I'm so glad it worked out. This is one of the few times I've been asked to speak locally, rather than in another state. I told her when she asked me if I could share that it's easy... all I need to do is get in the car and go! haha. It was a blessing to have my family and a couple friends come too.
Niki and I have been friends on social media for the past 5 or so years, and even though we live in the same area, we'd never met in person before! Niki and I connected because we both lost our precious babies at or near their due dates. Her son Nathan is also with the Lord. It was wonderful to see her and hug her and I was touched by what she shared about our friendship. Unfortunately, I don't have any photos of Niki and I together. :( I was occupied and didn't think of it until later.
Each person who wanted to light a candle for a lost baby who they carry in their hearts was invited to do so. This was my candle for Lily that was on the table where my family and friends sat. They gave this adorable little lantern as a gift to me to take home. :) I will keep this as a memento from the evening, as well as the bulletin for the event (I keep each one from wherever I speak as a keepsake and a reminder of what God has done).
This was the area for everyone to light a candle. The Fall theme was beautiful! The ladies did an excellent job decorating. I love the Willow Trees too because I collect them myself.
Here's the table with all the candle lit.
Lily's candle.
Candles for Lily Katherine and my Aunt Rachel Ross are in there.
Other precious babies honored and remembered.
Those are Niki's son, Nathan's, darling little feet, with his candle.
Niki had a table for me to set up to share some Lily keepsake items. I took several of my favorite things. And I myself was wearing my PAIL Awareness gear. ;)
The evening started off with people sharing praise reports and prayer requests. Then everyone was invited to enjoy some yummy food and beverages. My family liked that! ;) Everyone sang a few hymns that were selected by me. Niki was so sweet to ask if I had any in mind. I chose three that I thought suited the evening and my story - "Lily of the Valley," "I Surrender All," and "It Is Well With My Soul."
Here is the podium where I spoke, next to the table before it was decorated with Lily's things.
I then shared my story. Each time I share, I feel so at ease and this peace washes over me, knowing this is what I am called to do. God meets me at the microphone, as I've heard it said before. The speech was tailored a bit for this specific event. Someone snapped this photo of me. :)
It is an honor and gift to talk with people one-on-one after sharing. When you open up your heart and share from a raw place, others who you don't even know feel like you are a safe place and that they can share their pain and rawness. That is one of my favorite parts when I speak... hearing the stories of others and entering in.
Here is part of the room with the tables for the event. The church members were warm and welcoming and it was a cozy, intimate setting.
The sign outside advertising for the event. :)
A beautiful house of the Lord.
Silly me, I forgot to share about my Lily's Legacy Comfort Boxes. So if you were at the event that evening and want to learn more, click here. :)
