Thursday, August 23, 2012

Connected by Losses Decades Apart

A Wellness Center opened up this summer very close to my house. Last week, I was sitting in the hot-tub with a couple of older ladies (in their 80s). They start talking about how blessed they are to have healthy children. One of them turns to me and asks if I have any children. I said no. I just didn't want to go there with them. I have realized that I don't need to tell very person I meet about Lily, like I used to feel. And I have learned that I don't need to feel guilty if I don't mention her. It's not that I love her any less... it just makes things a little less...complicated or...awkward, I guess you could say.

Anyways, the lady wouldn't let it go and asked me again if I want to have a baby. I responded and told them actually I had a daughter who was stillborn in 2010. She asked me Lily's name and I told her. The other little lady chimes in and looks me in the eye, with tears in hers, and says she had a stillborn son almost 60 years ago. He was also her first. She told me a little of her story and how he was 13 pounds at birth and they should have done a c-section because she was too tiny and he was too big to have a healthy and safe delivery. She was over-due and there were complications. She never got to hold him. The first thing she remembers is waking up and her husband was feeding her oatmeal. She asked him, "He didn't make it, did he?" Her husband just shook his head no.

Her baby boy's name is Charles Walter and he will forever be loved and missed by his mama, who went on to have three more healthy babies after him. She said people were really kind and thoughtful and brought lots of flowers after he passed away. I am so sorry for this lady that never got to hold and meet her baby. She never had the closure of saying goodbye to him. I am sure that is so difficult. Thankfully, the nurses took a couple photos of him, so at least she has those. A lot of women who lost babies decades ago didn't even have that. Babyloss was a hush-hush thing back then. It was nice chatting with her and getting her perspective, especially on a loss that was that many decades ago. It got me thinking that I can't imagine that many years on Earth without my Lily. In a way, it makes me ache, knowing I could live that many more years without her. But, I know it is merely a blink of an eye in light of Eternity. I will be here until God calls me Home.

I guess I never know how many people I run into that have stories similar to my own. Just another reminder that you really don't know what someone has been through and I shouldn't assume that every pregnant woman is blissfully pregnant, naive to what could potentially happen. Maybe that's her much-loved, much-longed-for rainbow baby. 


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