Friday, May 15, 2015

Whispers of His Love and Sovereignty

In all honesty, I was an emotional mess this Mother's Day. 

Throughout the day, God reminded me of His love in many ways... through the free drink I received at Starbucks for no good reason (the barista simply said it was "taken care of"), the beautiful bouquet of colorful lilies my mother got me, and the dainty and sweet necklace I received in the mail right in time for Mother's Day, sent from a gal named Kelly who I went to Bryan College with. 

At the beginning of the year, she posted something on Facebook that she wanted to do a "gifting ring" where she'd give a gift at some unexpected time during the year to the first few people who commented. I just so happened to be one of those people. 

When I opened the gift, she included a sweet note: "Hannah, thanks for signing up for my 2015 gifting ring! I was excited when I saw your name because I knew just what to make. A little gold necklace stamped with your sweet Lily's name for Mother's Day (although it might arrive a few days late... sorry!) I want to let you know how much I appreciate your mother-heart and that you talk continually about painful things to help others. Love, Kelly" 

the beautiful gold necklace... it's not something I would choose myself,
but it's special to have something unique and different

Well, obviously God has perfect timing because I got the necklace in time for Mother's Day. I am incredibly touched by Kelly's thoughtfulness and generosity, as well as reminded of God's love for me through this necklace. I was so afraid of being forgotten this Mother's Day, and honestly even though I can be disappointed by others, I am blessed in knowing God never forgets. He will never disappoint me or let me down. He knows my needs and my heart better than I do. 

Not only has God been showing me His love and care in all these ways, He has also been showing His faithfulness and power to mend a broken heart. I have been begging Him to ease the pain of my loss of Lily and longing for a husband and more children. It can be challenging to be around pregnant women and babies and to see countless relationship, engagement, wedding, pregnancy, and birth announcements flooding my News Feed. 

I told The Lord that I could not go on carrying the weight of it all. I asked Him to help me and only realized today just how much He has answered that prayer already... through the joy I felt being around a pregnant friend last week, only joy and no jealousy or sadness. Through seeing a baby at the grocery store this evening and smiling at how precious she was, without the tinge of sorrow or jealousy. These are victories for me. These are proofs of God holding and changing my heart. 

Those feelings I have are "natural," but I know God works outside of what is natural. He wants to carry my burdens and was simply waiting for me to surrender. I have no idea what the future holds, but I rest in knowing the One who holds it is faithful, loving, and true. The God who raised Lazarus from the dead and calms the raging seas knows my name and will provide everything I need in this life. 

For those who like my necklace and are interested in purchasing something from Kelly, she has an Etsy shop called Whisperwill <---- click on link to go to her shop. :)

And here's a photo of my locally-grown Mother's Day lilies. Each day this week, they bloom more. There are several different beautiful colors. I'm enjoying them so much! 

On another note, for Mother's Day, I wore Lily's handprint necklace and a pink lacy dress (as seen in the background of the necklace photo) in honor of my girl.

Thank you to everyone who thought of me on Mother's Day. It means so much to me! 


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