Statistically Speaking

My dad and I were discussing statistics and the probability of things happening and how unlikely different things are (random I know, but he likes statistics).

Anyways, I told him that yes, something may be very unlikely to happen to us, statistically speaking, however I view statistics differently now. I always used to think things happened "to other people." Now, after losing Lily and being one of the statistics, I realize that things don't always happen to others. They can happen to me too. So, I don't look at the large number of people things don't happen to, but the smaller number of people that things do happen to.

It has made me realize more than ever how little control we truly have over things. We can be as safe as possible and use wisdom in our life decisions, however we cannot keep every bad thing from happening.

That is where faith and trust in the Lord comes in. If I allowed myself to dwell in fear and thoughts of "what could" happen, I would be so anxious all the time. I entrust my life and future to God and know that I am in His hands and that anything that touches my life must go through Him first. And He promises to work ALL things together for my good and His glory.

Try memorizing some Scripture verses about worry/anxiety so that next time these feelings are rising up within you, you can speak truth.

Here are a couple to get you started:

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" 
-Matthew 6:27

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

P.S. Happy first day of Summer! Enjoy all the extra light on the "longest day of the year." :)

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Sharing Lily

My dear friend Karen from Australia was in North Carolina visiting for a couple weeks. I was able to spend lots of quality time with her and our other friend Lindy. We all met at Ellerslie in Colorado in 2011. They both came over to my house one day last week for lunch and a lovely visit.

I was able to share Lily's memory chest, (unfinished) scrapbook, and memorial garden with them. I shared her footprints and handprints, lock of hair, among so many other meaningful (and random) things that remind me of her.

It was so very special and brought me such joy to share my girl with others. I haven't been able to share these things with many people in person, so it was definitely a gift to my mother heart. :) And to have people who care about hearing about/seeing these things really means more than I can express. Love both you ladies so much!

Hannah Rose, Karen, Lindy

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Lily's Spot Decorated for Summer

Every couple months and/or new holiday or season, I send my grandmother or friend some new decorations for Lily's stone/special spot.

Her spot is now decorated for summer with a pretty new butterfly flag that I found at Hobby Lobby, some wild flowers that I found on sale at Michael's (fake so they will last a while since I cannot be there to take her fresh flowers all the time and I always want there to be color in her vase), and a wind chime.

The grass is finally growing in more!

Thanks Bumma for tending to Lily's spot and for taking this photo for me to see. It brings me peace to know her spot is taken care of and looking beautiful all the time.

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Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. I've been thinking of Lily's father and wondering how he feels on this day each year. Is it hard for him? Does he think of Lily? He will always be her father, even though she is not here. She will always be his first child. Here is a picture of the two of them at the hospital on the day she was born.

I am blessed to spend Father's Day with my dad. I am very thankful to my Heavenly Father for choosing him to be my Earthly father. 

I saw this video about fatherhood and it brought tears to my eyes, especially the part where the couple is telling their dad they are pregnant and the part where the young woman is crying and hugging her dad. It made me think of how supportive my parents were when they found out I was in an unplanned pregnancy. They truly lived pro-life. My parents have been there for me every step of the way, through my pregnancy and the loss of Lily. I can see it in their eyes how much they love their first grandchild, Lily Katherine. Honestly, how they have loved me through the past several years has spoken so much about their character and has shown me at a whole new depth how much they love me, truly unconditionally. How I love Lily shows me how they love me. I am more appreciative and thankful for them than ever before.

Here are my three siblings and I with our dad. This photo was taken seven years ago this month, the weekend of my high-school graduation. My little sister, Emma, had just turned 13, I was almost 18, and my twin big brothers Adam and Joseph, were almost 23.

I saw something on Facebook that I wanted to share here. It said, "For the one who has lost a father, For the father who has lost a child, For the one who longs to be a dad: You're not forgotten this Father's Day. You are in our prayers and we love you."

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Aunt Rachel's 49th Birthday

My Aunt Rachel Ross would be turning 49 today. She was born on June 14, 1965. Sadly, Rachel only lived for three months outside of the womb. She died on the operating table at UVA as her doctor attempted to save her tiny, deformed heart. 

Rachel was the seventh child of my grandparents, James Kirk and Nancy Virginia Bain. My mom is the eldest of the seven. 

This is the only family picture of all nine of them (baby Rachel in my grandmother's arms and my mom is in the back with the glasses). 

Each year, I remember my Aunt Rachel with my family. I just realized today that Rachel would have been the age I am now (24) when I was born. Happy birthday in Heaven, Rachel! 

You can read more about my Aunt Rachel on my blog by clicking HERE.

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Lilies, Lilies Everywhere

There are lilies blooming everywhere this time of year, from planted lilies in gardens to wild lilies growing alongside winding back roads. I love it. All the different colors are so pretty. Each time I see a lily, I am reminded of my own sweet Lily and smile. June is when she came...

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Summer Came and with It Came You

Five years ago this month was when I got pregnant with Lily. It was the beginning of her short life on Earth and her forever legacy. Anyways, June will always make me think of her. It is the start of my memories of my girl. I cannot believe it's been five years. I decided to write her a little poem on this fifth anniversary of the beginning of her life...

Five years ago this June

Your life within me began

Summer came and with it came you

I was 19 when those two blue lines

Changed my entire life

Telling me you were mine

Afraid of what was to come

Still feeling so young,

At first I wanted to run

Like a delicate bloom,

Slowly opening in Spring

In my heart, for you He made room

As my belly grew

Throughout those months

So, my darling, did my love for you

Five years

You whispered "hello" and "goodbye"

I am left with missing-you-tears

That positive pregnancy test

Something so small changed it all

With your life, I have truly been blessed

I ache with missing, my dear

But I smile with such joy

I am so thankful God sent you here

That positive sign too soon

Turned to words etched in stone...

It all started with those two lines in June... 

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