One Sparkler That Wasn't Used

Last weekend was full of laughter, joy, energy, and love as we celebrated Independence Day weekend in America. My family had a delicious picnic, watched our small hometown parade, and enjoyed the fireworks on a cool summer evening.

I was able to spend some time at Lily's spot and what I felt the entire day came bubbling to the surface. On a day full of the richness of life, I deeply long for the little girl who should be living out her childhood right now, laughing along with my family and playing with sparklers, wearing red, white, and blue, and standing in awe as she'd watch bright colors light up the summer night sky.

Instead, I go to "visit her" in a place of silence. She will never be 5-year-old Lily with curly hair, frizzy from the July humidity, eating messy watermelon and doing whatever she would have loved. I can't stand feeling like I'm the only one who thinks of and misses her on random days. My own family doesn't get to know my own daughter. There will be one sparkler this year that will not be used, but oh her light shines brightly in and from Heaven.

Here is Lily's spot decorated for Independence Day. We took her flowers on my mom's birthday, which is July 2nd. They had matching flowers. :)

A photo from the fireworks display.

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Blog Cards

I got 500 blog cards from Vistaprint for only $9.99! I'm always mentioning my blog to people I meet and instead of trying to find a random scrap of paper to write it down on, I thought these would be convenient to always keep a few with me. Aren't they pretty? :)

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Lily Remembered in Italy

A friend of mine named Maggie sent me this picture of Lily's name in the sand. She was visiting Italy a few weeks ago and thought of my girl and I while on the beach. So sweet and thoughtful of her, knowing it would be meaningful to me. Another to add to my ever-growing collection. Makes my heart smile when others think of her. :)

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The Light of Her Brilliant Life Shines on

The fact that Lily was here for any length of time at all is a gift that I will treasure forever.

The Bible says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). Lily is now present with the Lord and when I leave this temporary dwelling place called Earth, I too will be present with the Lord, and Lily too.

Even though she is not here, the light of her brilliant life shines on. She changed my life. She changed my future.

As Pam, a family friend, recently said to me, maybe I'll get to raise Lily in Heaven. Whatever life with her looks like there, it will be beautiful and perfect.

"You taught me the courage of stars before you left.

How light carries on endlessly, even after death.

With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.

How rare and beautiful it is to even exist."

-Sleeping At Last

Here is the song that I quoted above:

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A Bloom and Her Buds

My sweet friend Bex shared this photo with me a few weeks ago and wrote: "this rose with the two buds made me think of you, Luke, and Lily. <3 Love you!" It means so much for my babies to be thought of.

When I was coming up with the title for this blog post, "A Bloom and Her Buds" came to me. It reminds me of "Rose and Her Lily," except it includes Luke too. It would make a catchy blog title. Sometimes I wish Luke were included in my blog title as well, but I did incorporate a butterfly in my logo to symbolize him. And he is such a big part of Lily's story. I am so attached to the name "Rose and Her Lily" now, after naming my blog that nearly 6 years ago when I first created it, so I don't think I could rename it now. I am a bloom on Earth and my two babies are my buds. But they are certainly both blooming in Heaven. Buds mean they existed on Earth.

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Jesus Loves Us

I was out to eat at Brixx Wood Fired Pizza last night with my best friend, enjoying a lovely conversation and delicious food. I came out of the restroom and was immediately greeted by this on the chalkboard. 

I believe God sends little winks from Heaven like this, especially to those of us who are looking. These things side-by-side are especially meaningful to me. A reminder that He doesn't forget my Lily. And He loves us both.

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The Grace to See and Express

Sometimes I can go weeks between publishing blog posts, which is more time between posts than I'd like. In the past several weeks, I believe God had a lesson to teach me in this "silence" when I felt like I wanted to share, but couldn't find the words. It was a strange place to be in because writing is my therapy and I seem to never run out of things to say about my love for Lily (and Luke).

The lack of words showed me that when the words do spring forth, it is only because God gives me what He wants me to share. I don't have the ability to express myself in an articulate way in and of myself. It is only through God's grace. If He wants me to share, He stirs it within me, then gives me the desire and the ability to write what's on my heart. If I'm not meant to share, there's nothing that comes. I take for granted at times that it'll always be there, but that's not true.

He literally provides everything we need in this life. Not only is it He who gives me ability to express what He's doing in my life and what He's teaching me, but it is also only Him who opens my eyes in the first place to the beauty of the story He is writing. I only see through eyes of grace because of Him. If it weren't for Him revealing the depth of the profound and breathtaking beauty of Lily and Luke's legacies, I truly think I would be drowning in the sorrow of this story, rather than choosing to focus on the beauty that has risen in the midst of the ashes.

As I have said many times before, yes, my story is sad, but it is so much more than that. I want people who hear it to walk away pondering on the goodness of God and His power to redeem and restore even the most broken among us. 

So when I share post after post on what God is showing me and how He is using my precious babies in Heaven for my good and His glory, I want to always remember that it is He who provides those words for me to use and He who even provided me with the gift of seeing a glimpse of the marvelous tapestry He is weaving.

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