Every Life Matters Video Contest

About a week and a half ago, I got an email from Protect Our Girls (part of the Live Action Pro-Life ministry) with information about their new video contest called Every Life Matters.

Here are the contest details:

Your video must be under 5 minutes long. Tell the inspirational story of someone who was spared being aborted. Share this person's life story, and explain how he or she has positively impacted your life and/or the lives of others. Your video should testify to the reasons why every human life is precious, important, and deserves protection.

This video can be about a person you know personally or someone you don't. But it should be an inspiring story about life and how one life can impact the world.

Every video MUST include the following text (possibly at the end of your video):

• We lose over 3,000 children every day in America because of abortion.
• Some are killed because they are girls, some because they are disables, some because they're the wrong race. Discrimination kills.
• Every life is precious and deserves to be protected. We need to end abortion now.

Right away, I knew I had to enter and tell Lily's story. The contest seemed just perfect for me. I was quite intimidated by having myself filmed for the world to see. I am not always ready and eager to be in the "spotlight," but I know that God has asked me to share my testimony and I must do that, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it may be.

Not only did I not want to make the video because it felt awkward, but literally so many hurdles got in the way. This week out of all weeks, my skin on my face has been having issues. It got really swollen and I was thinking, I am definitely not going on camera like this! Well, the swelling went down some, but not completely and I knew I had to still make it. I also had issues converting files and figuring out all the technology aspects to making the video. It is apparent that the enemy doesn't want me sharing my story, but God does and God always wins! :)

My mom, brother, and I spent the morning viewing all the video submissions. Lots of tears, smiles, and my heart being moved even more to action! It's been so neat to see the different styles of videos people are submitting. There are so many different stories of LIFE. Click here to see all the other amazing videos that share precious stories of LIFE!

A special thanks to my sister for helping me create this video and to my mom for her ideas. We are certainly no pros, but we did our best. I am so thankful for the opportunity to share Lily's beautiful LIFE and legacy!

Here is my video below. Tell me what you think! :) 

This story of Lily's LIFE and legacy proclaims how JUST ONE LIFE can make a forever impact on this world. It's a testimony to the beauty and purpose of each individual life, created in God's image. Your ONE LIFE will make a difference!

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Babyloss Shadow Box

I have been wanting to make a shadow box with Lily's things for a long time, but didn't know how to go about it. I didn't know where I could get an affordable one and I didn't exactly know what I had in mind.

I was at T.J. Maxx shopping a couple weeks ago and looking in the clearance section. It was there I found a beautiful shadow box for 50% off-only $20! Right away, I knew it was perfect for my room and for Lily's things.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to add in my shadow box, but knew I wanted at least some specific things in it. I don't like having Lily's hand and footprints in her memory chest all the time. I like to be able to see them every day, rather than going through her chest just to look at them.

My room isn't very big, so the shadow box is quite small. I didn't want it to be too cluttered, so decided on having just a few things in it. I decided on including Lily's hand and footprints, her foot impression, and the hat she wore at the hospital right after birth. These are some of the most tangible memories I have of Lily and it's really special to have them displayed to see daily and to share with others. I also added a beautiful butterfly card that my best friend, Kala, gave me last year for Babylost Mother's Day. Butterflies are very symbolic to me and I wanted to cover up that dreadful leaf with a teardrop on it.

my Lily Shadow Box

There are lots of ways to do a shadow box in memory of your baby.

Here are some ideas for you:

1. Decide how big and what shape you want your shadow box to be. Where do you want it to be displayed and what are you planning on putting in it-this should help you make your decision. Do some shopping in local stores or online, or if you or your husband is a handyman, consider making one. This could be a real labor of love to make something special for your baby. Do you want it painted a certain color or solid wood?

2. Next, decide what you want the background of your box to be. I found beautiful butterfly wrapping paper at World Market, which I then cut out to fit in my shadow box. There was quite a bit left over to use for scrapbook pages and other things. What reminds you of your baby? Do you want a solid color or something on it?

3. What items do you want placed in it? Will it be displayed somewhere private or in a room where friends and family will see it-this might help you decide what to put. What things of your baby do you want to always be able to see? Do you want it to look neat or do you want more things in it?

Some ideas for items to include are:

• baby's footprints and handprints
• hospital bracelets, hat, outfit, blanket, shoes
• foot molds or impressions
• lock of baby's hair
• your baby's name or first letter of name
• decorations such as flowers
• special things from your pregnancy
• dried flowers from memorial service
• photos of your baby (ultrasound photos and/or photos of his/her face and you holding him/her)
• a Willow Tree
• your baby's Birth Certificate
• a poem or a letter written to your baby
• other sacred keepsakes that remind you of your baby

These are merely suggestions for how to go about making a shadow box in honor and memory of your baby. I hope it at least helps give you some inspiration to get started. Really whatever you want to add will be perfect and beautiful. I'd love to have you share photos of your shadow box or ideas you have for making one! :)

Much love and hugs,

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Remembered at Topsail Island

My friends Morgan and Mike wrote Lily's and Luke's names in the sand at Topsail Island, North Carolina on Father's Day!

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Butterflies and New LIFE

Butterflies are very meaningful and special to me. Not only do lilies (obviously) remind me of my little girl, but butterflies remind me so much of both my babies. I love anything and everything to do with roses, lilies, and butterflies. :)

Butterflies symbolize that I am born again in Christ. He makes all things new. He makes all things beautiful, in His time.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time..." ~Ecclesiastes 3:11

My old man is dead, and my new man is alive in Christ. Lily and Luke were a part of that transformation. When Jesus brought beauty from ashes and light from the midst of my darkness...just as a caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly. He redeemed me and made me a new creation, by His blood.

Butterflies now hold special significance in my life. They also remind me that my babies have LIFE in Jesus and will be eternally safe in His loving arms. From my loving womb to His loving arms. Their bodies are whole and complete. They are new creations. Perfect. Always.

Lily's sand butterfly from Carly Marie

Luke's Sand Butterfly from Carly Marie

The following is a quote from the Duggars, written about their daughter, Jubilee Shalom, who was born into Heaven in the fall of 2011. It brings me peace when I think of my own sweet babies, born into Heaven.

"She is the quiet, gentle, and peaceful picture of new 

LIFE leaving the cocoon, taking flight to Heaven."

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new!" ~2 Corinthians 5:17

Carly Marie created this gorgeous new "faery butterfly" (photo below) on Christian's Beach in Australia. When I saw it, my heart smiled. How perfect for me and my sweet Lily and Luke...butterflies, a lily and roses all together...us three, together forever. I wrote Carly, telling her why it was extra special to me and asked when it would be available to purchase and she sent me one for free! Thank you so much for being so sweet and thoughtful, Carly! :) I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who adored her GORGEOUS work...I just can't get enough of it! I am so thankful and appreciative of all that she does for the babyloss community. 

How do you like my new blog header? I LOOOVE it. Every now and again I get a little bored with my layout and need to freshen things up a bit. It couldn't be more beautiful or more perfect!

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Sky Lantern Release for Babies in Heaven

Hello readers :)

I just wanted to let my babyloss friends know that Jenn from Treasuring Life's Blessings is doing a special sky lantern release on July 13, in honor of her son, Noah's, 2nd Heavenly Birthday celebration. She wants to include as many babies as possible on the lanterns.


What Jenn says on her blog:

"The lanterns I got are 36" tall so there is plenty of room to include MANY names. If you'd like to help us celebrate, you may either leave a comment here with your baby's name or you can email me. Before we release the lanterns, I will take pictures of all the names and post them here so you can see your precious baby's name as I know how much it means to see their name in writing. Please feel free to pass this along to other baby loss families in your circles/blogs as well. It would bless & encourage me to include as many babies names as possible."

Jenn, what a sweet way to remember your boy. Thank you for including Lily and Luke in this. Click here to request your baby's name to be included. And be sure to add it to your blog as well.

Blessings and much love.

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Marching for Babies

On April 28, I marched for babies in the annual March of Dimes walk in Raleigh, NC. The team I was a part of was called Marcellus's Marchers, created by my friends Morgan and Mike, in honor of their sweet son Marcellus Robert. In the fall of 2011, Marcellus lived for twelve days in the NICU, before he unexpectedly lost his battle to NEC. His name means "young warrior," which describes him perfectly. It also describes his mommy and daddy.

There were about twenty people marching for our team, along with thousands of others from other teams (including teams of our friends from our support group). Marcellus's Marchers got second place for most money raised by a family team. It was a bit of a chilly day, but we quickly warmed up with the walk. I forgot to wear my Lily necklace, which made me a little sad, but that's okay.

with Morgan and Mike after the walk

The shirts were so awesome that our team won the award for best family team t-shirt design! Great job designing them, Mike! There were butterflies on the front for each baby the team was walking for, along with the baby's names on the back of the shirts.

the back of my shirt/the team shirts. See Luke and Lily's names on there? :)

Before the walk, we decorated little onesies for our babies.

After the walk, all the team signed one of the onesies.

Before the walk started, they had someone share their story of their preemie baby. They also had a moment of silence for the babies in Heaven. I wasn't expecting to get so emotional, but I did. It just broke my heart to see all those healthy babies there and wonder why mine couldn't be. It just made me wonder how a baby born at less than 24 weeks gestation is now healthy and happy, but my healthy fullterm baby isn't here. I just wish all babies could be here with their families.

Our team (and other teams) marching in the walk.

I love this shot of so many people walking for sweet babies, both those on earth and in Heaven. It was nice to be able to tell people about Lily and hear about their babies as well.

Marcellus's Marcher's team picture.

After the walk, we went with Morgan and Mike to Marcellus's special tree at a local park. We had lunch there (from Lily's Pizza, so it felt like she was a special part of the day). Overall, it was a very sweet day and I am honored that I was a part of it. :)

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Seasons of the Heart

Most days, these days, I feel alright. The joy far outweighs the sadness. But there are days, like today, that my heart aches a little more than usual.

When losing Lily was fresh, I would feel that twinge of extra sadness each afternoon around 4:24, the time of her birth and on Tuesdays, the day of her birth. As time went on, the sadness would show up extra on the 16th of each month, the date she was born. After some time, it changed and the moments added up one on top of the other until I didn't even realize what was happening and how my grief was changing. I then started only feeling extra sad on anniversary dates (due dates, burial date, etc) and holidays (my birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, her birthday). Add in a couple extra sad days into the mix and I'd say I've been doing pretty good.

That's why I felt my soul sort of breathe a great big sigh of relief as we entered June. Sigh. All the "big dates" are behind me for the year. Late winter/early spring seem to be when the hardest times come back to back. Like February because of Luke, Lily's birthday and the days leading up to it, as well as the days after it with the anniversary of her service of LIFE and burial. Then Easter and Mother's Day and now here we are. June. And I felt this weight lifted off of me. I don't have any really tough days until my birthday in August, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in October and of course the time of being thankful and celebrating Jesus' birth.

But, this week, I have been having a hard time. I started wondering why this is? As if I need a reason to miss my girl. The simple truth is...every single day without her by my side, I miss her in a way words cannot describe. The Lord graciously gives me what I need to endure each moment without her.

Waves is a befitting description of grief. A giant wave just crashed upon the shore of my heart. Most days the waves are small, but they are always there. I have just learned how to keep my balance as they crash around me. Sometimes the sea of grief can seem peaceful and calm...other days, the intensity of the raging water feels like they will knock me over. Take my breath away.

I have noticed that the season of my grief often coincides with the actual seasons. Every season, in some way, reminds me of my girl and makes me miss her in a different way. Right now, we are embarking upon summer...the time of year when Lily's life within me first began. I am reminded of all the memories and emotions associated with that. Autumn reminds me of my pregnancy, pumpkin-spiced lattes, chilly front-porch mornings, and wearing my orange shirt that made me look like a pumpkin ;-) (see photo below). There are so many sounds, sights, and aromas that can evoke an emotion in me. A feeling of missing Lily. So many things remind me of her, all year round.

A cell-phone photo, so bad quality. Oh how I wish I
had many more, high-quality photos from my pregnancy

Before I know it, my birthday will be here. My 23rd...the third one without my girl. I was 19 when I got pregnant with her. That was three years ago, in the summer. As we are in summer now (officially tomorrow) I am just feeling so far away from her. Like I am moving farther and farther from those months and years where she lived. 2009 and 2010. I am getting older, the days, weeks, months, and years are passing by, with no regard for who it leaves behind. I just want to stay put for a moment. I must look at it not as moving farther away from her, but moving closer to her, where we will be together for all Eternity.

There are so many seasons to grief and seasons of love. In this season I am, I am feeling like the whole world is moving on except for me. I feel like I am standing still, frozen in time, while the rest of the world moves at a fast-paced-blur around me. Going on to get married, have babies, get houses...do everything I long to do. My own life at times feels like a blur. How am I already an Ellerslie graduate? There are so many things I wish weren't over yet, so many things I wish to relive, even if for a moment.

Oh, my sweet Lily, who was within me three summers ago...I miss you this season and every season.

"Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." ~Psalm 55:22

beautiful lilies blooming in our garden :-)

My little one, my dear one, my love,

you will be with me forever:

in the thin sunlight and long shadows

of a clear winter's day;

in the dawn excitement of birds

sounding in early spring;

in the rustle of heavy-leafed trees

in a mid-summer's night;

in the rich aromas and bright colors

of a warm autumn day.

All that is excellent,

brushed by Life's

brightness and shadow,

will remind me of you,

My little one, my dear one, my love.

You will beat with my heart,

see through my eyes,

hear with my ears,

feel on my skin.

Because your soul is mingled with my soul, forever,

My little one, my dear one, my love.

~Edward Searl

All of my life, in every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing. 
I have a reason to worship. I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my 
Victory and He is here. You are here, my Lord.

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