Thursday, June 17, 2010

for those of you who don't know what to say or how to act

Most people don't know how to act to those who have lost babies. "What do I say or not say? Maybe if I don't say anything, she won't think of her baby...oh no, this makes me really nervous. I'm just going to quickly change the subject." I think anyone who has lost a baby can agree, that no matter what someone says or does, it is usually awkward for everyone involved. I won't even get into all the strange ways people have acted to me. That's why this online community of BL moms is so great. That's why I'm loving the online Bible study I'm participating in so much. (more about that later.) That's why I go to an infant loss support group twice a month...because these people get it, they've been where you are, they are there now, or they will be there. But, what about those that haven't lost a baby and don't truly understand what it's like...what about those people?

About a month ago, I stumbled across an article on Molly Piper's blog. You can read it by clicking here.

I sent the article to my friend, Kala. She was the one who came to the hospital on March 16th and was there for me and my family on that day, as well as during the days and weeks that followed. After I shared the article with her, she wrote me back. I want to share what she wrote because maybe, just maybe, it could help those people that don't know how to act to babyloss moms and dads. If you're wondering what to say or how to act to me, then this is for you.

"It's strange to cry and feel so much emotion in a place that seems so distant to your reality. And I can imagine that that's what you must feel everywhere you go, all the time. And like this posting, I pray you know that you don't have to feel that way with me. And even though we laugh and joke and speak of joyful things, Rose and her Lily are always there in the back of my mind. And you can say anything you can scream and yell and cry and sob and laugh. You can speak nonsensical words and flow unfiltered thoughts freely. And I will stand beside you with the prayer that in some way doing just that will help to ease the weight you carry with you every day..."

You can check out Kala's blog by clicking here. She's got some encouraging stuff for anyone who is seeking to lead a set-apart life for Christ. Thank you, Kala, for 'getting it,' to the extent that you can. Thank you for being there for me, even when I don't make sense. 

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." ~Romans 12:15



  1. How weird it is to me that others would think that if they mention Lily, they will be reminding us. Why don't they get it that we think of her EVERY DAY! How much better it is when folks speak of her to us, so we know they care, and, in doing so, they are helping us carry this immense burden of sadness amidst our unbelievable loss! In God's Holy Word, we are instructed to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. Well, during this excruciatingly difficult time in our journey with Jesus, we are both mourning and rejoicing at the same time!

  2. It is wonderful to speak of our little ones and to be reminded that they lived and mattered!

    It's hard to have such perspective--you wouldn't wish it on anyone but you certainly would like it if a few people would extend the same grace to you as you do to them knowing they just can't get's hard.

    Love that you have such a dear friend. They are invaluable!

  3. I'm glad you are doing the bible study. I did it the last session and it was wonderful.

  4. Hannah your kind words are so dear to me. Thanks for sending a few visitors my way ;)

    Can you see all of the flowers that have blossomed because of the rain that fell on March 16th?

    You are such a strong person chosen by God to be a vessel and Lily was such a sacred part in the transformation. Love you very much.


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