Friendship Bracelets and Tattoos

Here's another post I've been meaning to publish...

Last August, I went out to Colorado a few days before I was to arrive at Ellerslie, to spend time with my friend, Bex. You may remember reading about her before (click HERE to read the posts about her and our friendship). She placed her son for adoption less than a year before I got pregnant with Lily. I knew about her story and reached out to her when I needed a friend and someone who understood what I was going through. She was that friend to me.

Here are our friendship bracelets with our tattoos for the little ones who brought us together in friendship 6 1/2 years ago.

 

She was one of the first people to know about my little flower and the first person to know the name that is now forever on my wrist. 

We had a wonderful visit, going to Boulder, downtown Denver, and just hanging out drinking coffee and sharing our hearts. Every year in August, I am reminded of how we became friends that same month in 2009. It was interesting that the first day I arrived to her house, she got a reminder on her Facebook Memories that we became "friends" that exact day 6 years before... I never could have imagined all that would happen in those years and what a dear friend she would turn out to be. :)

 

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Part of a Bigger Picture

He's known as Mr. Bill, "grandpa" to her. I never knew Mr. Bill. Well, we never met face to face. But, me and Mr. Bill, we're kindred spirits. Late on October 31st, this ninety-two year old World War II Veteran went home to be with Jesus. He waited a long time to meet his first Love.

I went to be there for her, my best friend. Saying "goodbye for now" is a hard thing to do...this I know too well. She was there when I had to say goodbye, so I wanted to be there when she had to say goodbye. I thought that was the only reason I was meant to go...I had no idea that Mr. Bill would teach me something, without a word. Just like she did.

The service was one of the most beautiful I've seen. Hope was written all over their faces..Hope of being together again with this man, this father, this grandfather, this friend. The words spoken for this man were not empty, like most funerals I've seen. It wasn't a sad day, but a joyful day! Tears flowed down my cheeks because the promise of Heaven for this man was sure. We all knew it. It's rare to see someone love Jesus like this man. This gentle soul who lived a simple life, yet loved with all he had. I see God in the legacy of this man. This man that never spoke a word to me, yet he'll be a lifelong friend of mine. We love the same Lord. Our hearts both beat for this man named Jesus. And one day, one day I'll get to meet him face to face.

I rejoiced for this man, my brother in Christ because he gets to be where there's no more pain, no more tears, no more physical ailments that come with having lived ninety-two years on this earth.

Saying goodbye to someone whose lived ninety-two good, long years is bittersweet. Bitter because you miss his presence, yet sweet because he's brand new. As I sat listening to all the kind words spoken for this man that fought for his country and fought in the army of the Lord and I saw pictures of his life on the big screen, my mind takes me back to the last funeral I went to, seven and a half months ago. And the fact that ninety-two years are between this man and my little girl seems so unfair. It seems like he got a chance at life, she didn't. Was she not as important as him? I listened to story after story and got to know this man.

For him, we grieve all that was. For her, we grieve all that will never be.

Yet, each life is sacred, precious to Him. Each life was set-apart for the purposes of the Lord and it doesn't matter what I want or what any of us want. We are only called to fulfill His will for us, whether that takes nine months in the womb or ninety-two years on the earth. We're all part of a bigger picture. And without a word, they have both taught me so much.

"I praise You because (Mr. Bill and Lily) are fearfully and wonderfully made;
   Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

My friend Kala shared this at her grandpa, Mr. Bill's, funeral:

A short time ago, or maybe a long time ago (time feels different here), God let me be part of a blessed conversation that would offer comfort and peace, and laughter and tears. It happened in my grandfather's living room. Grandpa, Mom, Dad, Daniel, Thomas and I were sitting in Grandpa's home. We were talking about the new floors he just had put in to that old house. I can recall the words renting and selling; or we could have been talking about something else, but that’s not the part I remember. And then my grandpa said, “Well, you know; when I leave here, ya’ll can rent out the house, you might be able to get something out of it.”

“Leave? Well, where are you going?” My mom said. My grandpa just looked at her. He looked at us all.

Like the answer to that question had already been carved into his heart and pumped through his veins with every new breathe he took.

"Where am I going?" He stated, matter-of-factly, finger pointed upward to the Heavens “Well, I'm goin' Up Yonder!” And we all laughed and today I smile and cry, because God gave this conversation to us to remember on this day.

But sometimes it’s hard to look at situations like these and hear words put together by people who might not understand, for a purpose they probably don't fully grasp (I know I don't), when they say “He’s in a better place,” and then I'm supposed tell my mind and my heart that today is a day to rejoice. Because we are earthly-minded creatures by disease. And somewhere in between life and death; love happened. Love happened to us all and we are left forever changed. And now it’s gone. And what’s left feels like an empty house that was once filled with children and grandchildren and family and LOVE. But now it’s empty, empty but overflowing with memories and feelings of times past, all these that we hold on to, while simultaneously realizing that nothing will be the same as it was.

But God stops me where I'm at, for I am weak. And then He comes to me and says, "Let me carry it for you. I will show you the way." And then I start to realize that I was not meant for earthy-mindedness, but to become spiritually-minded. To put my eyes to the things of God. To recognize that today is the greatest day that grandpa’s soul has ever seen. And I know that there’s a great party up yonder to welcome him home. And I can see my grandma with her new and perfect eyes, taking his hand and placing it in the hand of Jesus, his eyes fixated on the radiating Light. And Jesus walks with him, and places it in the Hand of the Father. And with his new and perfect ears, grandpa hears the whisper, “Welcome home, beloved son, welcome home”.

A rose and lily from Grandpa Bill's funeral

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for those of you who don't know what to say or how to act

Most people don't know how to act to those who have lost babies. "What do I say or not say? Maybe if I don't say anything, she won't think of her baby...oh no, this makes me really nervous. I'm just going to quickly change the subject." I think anyone who has lost a baby can agree, that no matter what someone says or does, it is usually awkward for everyone involved. I won't even get into all the strange ways people have acted to me. That's why this online community of BL moms is so great. That's why I'm loving the online Bible study I'm participating in so much. (more about that later.) That's why I go to an infant loss support group twice a month...because these people get it, they've been where you are, they are there now, or they will be there. But, what about those that haven't lost a baby and don't truly understand what it's like...what about those people?


About a month ago, I stumbled across an article on Molly Piper's blog. You can read it by clicking here.


I sent the article to my friend, Kala. She was the one who came to the hospital on March 16th and was there for me and my family on that day, as well as during the days and weeks that followed. After I shared the article with her, she wrote me back. I want to share what she wrote because maybe, just maybe, it could help those people that don't know how to act to babyloss moms and dads. If you're wondering what to say or how to act to me, then this is for you.


"It's strange to cry and feel so much emotion in a place that seems so distant to your reality. And I can imagine that that's what you must feel everywhere you go, all the time. And like this posting, I pray you know that you don't have to feel that way with me. And even though we laugh and joke and speak of joyful things, Rose and her Lily are always there in the back of my mind. And you can say anything you want...you can scream and yell and cry and sob and laugh. You can speak nonsensical words and flow unfiltered thoughts freely. And I will stand beside you with the prayer that in some way doing just that will help to ease the weight you carry with you every day..."


You can check out Kala's blog by clicking here. She's got some encouraging stuff for anyone who is seeking to lead a set-apart life for Christ. Thank you, Kala, for 'getting it,' to the extent that you can. Thank you for being there for me, even when I don't make sense. 


"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." ~Romans 12:15

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New Life

A friend of the family shared this with me the weekend of Lily's memorial service:


Bob wrote, "After Tim shared, I thought I'd seen something wonderful around that time too. First flowers of Spring on March 16th." (Lily's birthday)

With the promise of spring, came the promise of Lily. Like the new life all around me bursting forth from the earth, Lily was new life. We wait. We anticipate. Spring and Lily, they came together. Now, spring will always remind me of the time Lily came...and went. Ahh, spring is so bittersweet. Lily came and because of her life, she brought me new life, changing my heart forever. Although she left so soon, I know she has eternal life.


What a sweet and beautiful God we serve, to give me such a glorious promise of life, on the most difficult day I've known.

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My Favorite Picture

My friend, Kala, edited my favorite picture with Lily, that was taken by my mom. I just love it and plan on doing something special with it. =)

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Lily's Obituary

(This is the obituary that was in the Daily Progress Newspaper in Charlottesville, Virginia on Friday, March 26th, 2010. Feel free to sign the guest book on the website. It was emotionally difficult to sit down and have to write this in the days following Lily's birth and death, but I knew I wanted it to be beautiful for her. And I knew I wanted to glorify Jesus in my words...)

Lily Katherine Allen-Ball went straight from her loving mother's womb to the arms of her sweet Jesus on Tuesday, March 16th, 2010 at 4:24 p.m. She was born at the Rex Birthing Center in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Although brief, Lily's life was beautiful, and many purposes of her life were evident long before she left this world. Those that know and love her have been deeply impacted by her tiny life forever. The bittersweet memories of time with Lily have brought such richness and joy to her family's lives and can never be taken away. Her family feels so blessed to have been part of such a special little girl's life. Both her first and middle names mean pure and she will forever be perfectly that. Never having to struggle through a world marred with pain and sin, Lily now has all Heaven's Glory! Through this time of immense sorrow, Jesus has given the family great hope, strength, and peace that passes all understanding. Lily's mother is so thankful that she chose LIFE for her baby and praises the One who chose her to carry someone so wonderfully made.

Lily's parents, Hannah Rose Allen of Knightdale, North Carolina, and Joey D. Ball of Charlottesville, Virginia, would like to invite anyone who'd like to come to the memorial service honoring the life of their precious flower, Lily Katherine. It will be held 11 a.m. Saturday, March 27th, 2010, at the Hillsboro Cemetery in Crozet, Virginia, with Pastor Robert French officiating. Under the open sky and surrounded by the majestic Blue Ridge mountains, all are welcome to gather around sweet Lily to celebrate her life!

Friends will also be received by Lily's great-grandmother, Nancy Virginia Bain of Crozet, Virginia; and grandparents, Ginny Bain Allen and Chuck Allen, both of Knightdale, North Carolina, Don Ball, and Suzanne Ball, both of Lancaster County, Virginia; as well as loving aunts, uncles and cousins. Her family greatly rejoices that they will one day again be with their precious angel, who was simply too beautiful for earth.

Here are the comments from the online guest book

May 04, 2010

I love you my precious flower, Lily Katherine. Forever you will be in my heart, Mommy

~ 

Hannah Rose Allen,

Knightdale, North Carolina

March 26, 2010

As the days and weeks pass, and as you return to life's routine, may you continue to feel comforted by the love and support of family and friends. We are deeply sorry for your loss.

~ 

David and Angela Miller,

Afton, Virginia

March 26, 2010

What a beautiful tribute to your little flower. A copy will be printed and added to our Family Bible along side many other obituaries of people I have known and loved.

~ 

Ruby Seale Watts,

Crozet, Virginia

March 26, 2010

We will hold you in our hearts forever, my precious granddarling Lily Katherine! Praise God Jesus has taken you to live with Him forever! ~Your Dukes (aka Ginny Kirk Bain Allen)

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How could we have known about March 16th?

(My dear friend, Kala, wrote this on March 16th, Lily's birthday, after spending the day in the hospital with my family. She shared it at the service in honor of Lily on Friday evening, March 26th, 2010.)

March 16th, 2010 was one of the worst days I’ve seen. Lily Katherine, a precious darling due March 14th was born dead. 

Of course Lily’s chosen life and pre-destined death was God’s plan all along, for she was never meant for this world, but betrothed to the King before her birth.

But, how were they to know? How could we have known about March 16th? I sat in that room as she waited to deliver the body of her child, who was already waiting for her in the Kingdom. I saw the faces of the ones I love so dearly. I felt the pain of desperation and loss, but felt the presence of God as he moved through the room. I never knew I'd want to feel God like this.

God gave me Job earlier this week. And I sat in that room as she waited, and I clung to the Bible like I had nothing else to help me live. Like if I didn’t, I would break. And I cried. And I read Job. And I cried again. And I was praying to my God, our God, to give me strength if they didn’t have any. But they did, and we did. But they will need much more in the days and weeks and months and years to come. How could we have known about March 16th?

She delivered Lily Katherine, and I held her for the first and last time. Her little face never experienced the pain of a fallen world. She never had the chance to cry. But her mother never got the chance to hear her, to look into her wondrous eyes, to see her smile. She lay there, limp and lifeless. Her eyes shut tight, and her mouth rested slightly open. Her lips dark purple, and getting darker as the hours passed. But somehow it was not hard to see God in the face of her child, His child. How could we have known about March 16th? 

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