Wednesday, December 3, 2014

I Share for Babies Like Her and Mothers Like Hers

I read an article on LifeNews that really touched my heart. It is written by someone whose sister was born still many decades ago.

Click here to read the beautiful post and then I will share my thoughts on it.

I relate to so much of what this writer said. For one, she wrote, "My mother said she would have given anything, anything at all, to have had her baby live even for one short moment after birth, to have touched her warm face and stroke her tiny hand, to pour a lifetime of love into that fleeting minute. But it wasn't to be. The loss of that time haunted her. It broke her heart."

I get this completely. How many times I have wished that Lily had been born alive, even if just for a moment, so I could have seen her eyes. That is something I feel will haunt me for the rest of my days.

The writer of this post said of her mother, "In those days there were no grief counsellors, no dedicated support to help you through the shock. You were just expected to get over it... Mam didn’t talk much about that, about how Máire’s death had affected her. Even when we occasionally broached the subject, it was as if the grief still choked her, even though one, then two, and then three decades had passed. I realize now that it was simply too hard. The shock of losing her child was so overwhelming and so profound, that it was almost unbearable, and the longer it was left unexpressed the more it became impossible to articulate without spasms of grief. It was a sorrow that mothers of her time carried deep inside, and did not share."

Losing a baby is something you never, ever "get over." This mother was deeply affected by the loss of her precious daughter, from the time she lost her, all through the decades of living without her. Honestly, reading things like this brings me comfort and validation that I am not strange to love and miss Lily so much, even almost five years later. And it would not be healthy for me to suppress my feelings.

Máire’s life mattered. It breaks my heart that in the "old days," people were expected to immediately get over the loss of a baby, move on, not talk about it, and pretend their child never existed. I am so thankful for how things have changed since then. It is partly for babies like Máire and mothers like hers that I write. For all the years they weren't able to write, to share, to grieve... I write, I share, and I grieve openly.

I love how the writer of this post addresses the importance of having support while grieving the loss of a baby and how necessary it is to recognize and acknowledge the life of the little one who has passed away. She ends the post by saying how "love is stronger than pain and loss" and that one day, the parents who have lost a baby will see them again and be comforted, but for now, our voices should be heard that every life counts!


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