Sunday, June 17, 2012

Baby Mine & Father's Day

This weekend, my family has been busy cleaning out the garage and getting ready for a yard sale. I am literally going through all my things and posting them on craigslist, as well as setting them aside for the sale. I just want to simplify my life and only keep what's truly important. Before now, it was a definite NO WAY to getting rid of anything to do with Lily. It just seemed too close to her. Anything from my pregnancy or her life is so deeply connected to her in my heart. Before, it felt like getting rid of any of this stuff would be in a way dishonoring to her. Some of it I planned on saving for my future children and some I planned on saving as just remembrance items for Lily. But, I didn't want to get rid of any of it. I guess you can only really understand this if you've lost a baby too.

This is a really big step for me. I am now at a place where I am ready to sell things. I realize that I cannot keep everything and if and when I have another baby, I can get more things. Not everything that I got for Lily really has a deep personal connection to her, like a mattress, bath tub, etc. These things were meant to be used by her, but the sad fact is, they never were. Isn't it ironic that I am selling things she never used as a baby to save up for her headstone? She never used the most basic items infants use, yet she needs a headstone. Does anybody have ideas on things I could do to save up for one? I have been packing away all her things, putting them in storage, and posting things to sell. I also might take some of her stuff to a local pregnancy center, in her honor, to help a new expecting mommy and their precious bundle of joy. 

I will always have my precious bundle of joy, though she's not here in my arms. Perhaps I was trying to compensate by keeping her things in my arms. I am realizing things aren't so important. Of course, I would never get rid of the things that really remind me of Lily. My most precious possessions are things of her...her hair, her foot and handprints, her foot impression, her ultrasound photos, the outfit she wore at the hospital. All this and more is in her memory chest, memory box, and shadow box. I have reminders of her sprinkled throughout my room. Memories of her are sprinkled throughout my mind and life, so I don't need stuff to secure her special place in my heart. I am letting go of these things...but never ever letting go of her. She will always and forever be Baby of Mine.

This is a beautiful lullaby that I looked forward to singing to Lily as I rocked her. 
Listening to lullabies now makes my heart smile and thing of the sweet joy she 
brings to my life. "You're so precious to me, sweet as can be. Baby of mine."

Today is Father's Day and though Lily's daddy and I are not together, I am thankful she has an earthly father than loves her so much and honors the memory of her. I am thankful for the hope of my future husband one day "adopting" and loving her as his own. And more than any of this, I am thankful she has a Heavenly Father who adores her like nobody else ever could. I am thankful she is safe at Home with Him...forever. She gets to celebrate Father's Day with the best Father EVER!!! :-)

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there, whether your child is here on earth or in Heaven. <3

Lily's and her daddy's hands. She had his hands and feet.



  1. Hannah I am so very sorry you have to know this sad pain. I am praying that the Lord would supernaturally bless you with the finances for Lily's stone. I am glad Lily's earthly Daddy loves her I have never read about him before. Praying for you my friend Paying!

  2. I'm sorry that you have to part with anything associated with Lily (even if it's easier to do now) to pay for her headstone. Doesn't seem right. Have you heard of organizations such as I bet there are similar ones out there, too. They might help you reach your goal sooner than you think.

  3. I hope that things come together for Lily's stone. Such a hard thing for parents to have to purchase. So glad that her Daddy loves her and hoping that the day wasn't too hard on him. Thank you for sharing this song, it is one of my favorites.

  4. I have never lost a yong child but i know the pain to lose such a loving family member. my dog. When i was about six my dog died and my dad was the most sad becuse he had had him more then me and my sister but I was a new baby the first time i saw him and it was like a rugrats bond like spike and tommy. But Iknow how its like to lose someone you love and i hope your little one is allways waching over you from heaven.


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