Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Lake Boone Trail

Exit 5. That's the Lake Boone Trail exit here in Raleigh, North Carolina. I have taken it countless times for countless reasons. Just recently I was realizing the irony of it...

That's the exit I got off on to go to my doctor's appointments when I was pregnant with Lily. The appointments were in the building right by the Rex Birthing Center, where she was to be delivered. That exit contained so much joy as mom and I drove to appointments, talking excitedly about our lil' Lily. After appointments (when we got to see our sweet girl on the ultrasound screen and hear her precious heart beating), we'd explore the area a little. We found ourselves at a shopping plaza right down the road from Rex, where we shopped at Tuesday Morning (such cheap, adorable baby items there!). Then, we'd eat at the taco shop right next door called Chubby's Tacos. Lily loved those tacos, I'm tellin' ya. :-) These stores and this exit are filled with so many happy, beautiful memories of my darling daughter. Whenever I go now, it's a bittersweet feeling. 

Lake Boone Trail is also the exit where I go pray at an abortion clinic. It's right across the street from this shopping plaza.

It also just so happens to be the exit I take whenever I choose to go to my local infant loss support group. I drive right by the entrance to the hospital, the entrance I drove in so many times. The hospital where I gave birth to and held my daughter for but a day...and then left without her. Mom and I went back once to the hospital, to eat lunch. It was March 17, 2011...the one year mark since leaving without Lily. We also looked around in the gift shop and I remembered the special things I wanted to get to celebrate her arrival. Bubble gum cigars, balloons, flowers. I also went back to visit a friend who was on bed-rest during her pregnancy. That was hard. I wanted to go back to that room where she was born...maybe one day I will. I definitely want to see my nurses again and somehow try to find a way to thank them for being there for me on the hardest day of my life. On my way to group, I also pass Love in Bloom maternity store, where I got my adorable baby shower dress (which I ended up also wearing for Lily's memorial service/day of her burial).

Raleigh is quite a big city and it's just interesting that so many aspects of my life are around this exit. From my pregnancy/Lily's life, to Pro-Life, to my loss.

This exit holds lots of feelings and memories for me. But, it reminds me of the time my girl was here, which makes me smile. :-) Tomorrow, I'm going to that very exit for another kind of appointment. Maybe I'll stop at Chubby's and sit at the exact place I sat so many times before, when Lily was there with us. And I'll eat a ground beef taco (her favorite) and drink some southern sweet tea (yum) just for her. She'd like that.



  1. Huge ((hugs)) Those type of reminders are bittersweet!
    -visiting from Tesha's

  2. Love this, Hannah Rose. Sometimes, it seems impossible to me that my Eve existed at all, much less lived and died and was born so unceremoniously. But then I go to places that we went together when I was pregnant with her, like you with Lily, and I am reminded that she was (and is!) beautifully real. Totally empathizing with you! <3


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