First of all, it seems like nobody ever asks me anything about my birth experience. Almost like because Lily died, somehow my birth experience wasn't as "real." Not only that, but who wants to hear the sad tale of a woman whose baby died before birth? I get the feeling that others almost think losing a baby is "contagious" or something, so they won't even broach the subject.
I want to scream out, I gave birth too!! I know what it's like too. My baby girl was born too. She was real too.
I labored for hours, waiting for her tiny body to come out of mine. And if anyone deserves the recognition of giving birth, should it not be the woman who still had to do so, even though her baby would never take his/her first breath?! A lot of women go through the birth experience, but it takes a tough cookie to labor and deliver her sleeping child, knowing that at the end of the day, her child won't cry right when they are born, she won't get to take him/her home, and she is terrified of all the unknowns.
So from now on, when I feel uncomfortable around others who are discussing birth stories and nobody asks me about mine, I am going to talk about it. Because I deserve to. I am a woman, a mother, who had a baby. I have a birth story. I have memories from March 16th, 2010. I know what it feels like to go full-term in a pregnancy and to birth my full-term child. I know what it's like to see and hold her perfect body. It might not have the perfect and expected ending, but it's my birth story nonetheless. The story of my first-born's birth.
To those who don't want to hurt me by bringing it up, know that I *do* want to share.
And to those that validate my birth experience and ask me questions just as they would any other mother, thank you. Being able to share and being asked to share brings about much healing.