Thursday, January 21, 2016

Bring Me Anything That Brings You Glory

This is the first year since Lily was born in 2010 that the dates are lining up with the same days of the week, at least through February. With this year also being leap year, that means instead of Lily's birthday on March 16th being on a Tuesday like the year she was born, instead it will be on a Wednesday. I remember years ago looking up to see when her birthday would next be on a Tuesday and I figured out it won't be until 2021. There is something about the dates lining up with the same days of the week that make the memories that much more vivid, like last year when the dates I associate with my abortion were once again over the weekend.

Anyways, this year, the NC Right to Life Prayer Breakfast, Rally, and March for Life downtown all fell on Saturday, January 16th again like in 2010. Exactly 6 years ago on that date I was with my mom and sister participating in the Rally and March. Lily was exactly two months away from making her arrival. We made signs to carry and I was so proud to show off my preggo belly! I remember the powerful speeches that were made, that I have recorded on video to this day. I remember walking really far and getting tired, being seven months pregnant and all. Here is the page I have in my pregnancy scrapbook from that day.

The most vivid memory my mom and I hold from that day is of the precious 6-week old baby boy named Nathaniel who we met there. My mom and I talked to his mom. The family had all red-headed children, including little Nathaniel. He was so cute! Nathaniel seemed enamored with me! I said he knew Lily was growing away inside me. :) We joked and said that he and Lily were going to get married one day. It would be an "arranged marriage," whether they liked it or not. ;) I remember I couldn't stop staring at him because of how precious he was and how I longed to one day soon hold my own bundle of baby love.

In 2011, my mom and I saw him and his family at the Prayer Breakfast. Right away, we recognized his mom from the year before and my heart ached so much knowing Lily should have been there that year, outside of the womb. He was walking all over the place and had grown so much from the year before, a stark reminder that Lily hadn't.

Well, out of all the many people who attended the March, my mom and I yet again ran into Nathaniel's family this year. They are hard to miss with the red-hair and many children they have, a few born since 2010. It hurt for both my mom and I to see them. We both cried. It hurts because of how much this little boy has grown and Lily remains a baby. It hurts knowing the hope and anticipation we felt when we saw them in 2010. It hurts knowing they were around Lily when she was alive and they saw my pregnant belly. It hurts because Lily could actually have played with him this year and maybe they would have had a little kid crush on each other. It hurts because if Lily were here, I could have told the mother how we remembered them from 2010 and how I was pregnant then and here is my daughter. It hurts because instead, I can't say anything to her. It hurts because I don't want to say how we remember them but my little baby died that same year. It hurts wondering if they recognize us but can't remember from where, yet we remain silent so as to not freak them out. It hurts because they've gone on to have many more children and I haven't been able to have one since then. It hurts because even if it was just a joke that Lily would marry Nathaniel, it's not a joke that she will never marry anyone. She will never marry an amazing Christian man one day and have babies of her own, my grandchildren. Generations were lost when she died.

As we were driving away from downtown and I was thinking about Nathaniel, we heard the song "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me, and as he sang the words, "bring me anything that brings You glory," I felt the Lord gently remind me that this is bringing Him glory. I don't even understand it all, but I know that Lily's life and death and my response to it and desire and willingness to share my faith and trust in Him through it all is bringing Him glory.

"Bring me anything that brings Your glory." Do we really mean that? For me, part of anything turned out to be burying my baby. What is anything in your life? Anything is everything. This life is about bringing Him glory, not about our own comfort and happiness. The longing over Lily and sorrow over the loss of her life is a testimony to the sanctity of human life, made in His image. It is bringing my Heavenly Father glory.

As Mary said in Scripture in Luke 1:38, "let it be to me according to Your word." Whatever His will is for our lives, may we mean it when we say the same thing.

Listen to "Bring the Rain" below. Email subscribers click HERE.

Anyways, here are a few pictures from the breakfast and Rally/March this year. Alan and Lisa Robertson spoke and shared a bit of their story. She is post-abortive and his mom was only 16 when she got pregnant with him. It was powerful. I was honored to have been asked to help out at the breakfast. I'm just trying to remain faithful in serving when and how God opens the doors for me to do so.

It was a beautiful day for the March and it was a relatively good turn out.


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