Thursday, March 14, 2013

Disappointed

As I mentioned earlier, tonight we had a special party with our neighbors, which I was really excited about and looking forward to. Over the last year, we've gotten really close with them. It turns out, "J's" daughter shares a birthday with Lily - March 16th. "A" will be turning 10 this year. Since we have gotten close with them, we decided it would be special to have a party this evening in honor of both our girls. It was obviously a party for the both of them and I was really looking forward to it. We brought snacks and drinks, got a gift for "A" for the third year in a row (which we like to do in honor of Lily) and balloons. "J" was going to get the cake.

Well, we walked in the front door and I saw the cute little cake down the hallway in the kitchen sitting on the table. I smiled and went in to look at it and noticed there were words. I was thinking, oh I wonder what it says. Then, when I only saw "Happy 10th Birthday, A" my heart just sank...it threw me off for the rest of the night. After that, I was going to ask if we could sing happy birthday to both Lily and "A" because I brought 10 candles for "A" and a "3" candle for Lily. Well, before I could ask, everyone started singing and didn't include Lily's name. Crushing. Then, I figured later maybe "J" would at least give us a card or something, especially because last year she mentioned she should have given us something and that was before we were really even close with her. Since we give "A" a sweet gift each year. And the thing is, I don't really care about a gift...it's the thought behind picking out a card or something and saying you care.

"J" knows we love Lily and are very open about talking about her. I thought she "understood" in a special way. I even took over a few of Lily's things to share. When we got home, my mom knew immediately what was wrong and that I would be hurt by all three of those things. She said when she saw the cake she felt bad for me. I am glad at least she understands.

This all might sound silly and like not a big deal. I don't know, I am just disappointed with how tonight went and really wish I didn't always feel so foreign in this world. It felt like Lily was going to be celebrated and honored in almost a "normal" way...at least as normal as it can be to celebrate someone's birthday without them here. I was happy about this. But, it ended up me feeling so not normal, as usual. It feels like others don't value my daughter. I wish it wasn't always so awkward. I wish people could understand without this happening to them, if that makes sense. I wish I wasn't hurt by things like this. I wish people saw Lily the same way they see other children. She is just as valuable and precious and special. And it is just as much her birthday as "A's." I just wish it wasn't so hard. I know that "J" cares about us and Lily and didn't mean to hurt me of course...I just wish it were different. I wish people would make an effort to include my daughter because she is real and important. I wish people would understand that they don't need to make it an uncomfortable thing because it isn't to me.

I am thankful to have the love and support of my mom and some of my family and many dear friends...but sometimes it just hurts to be disappointed with how people "handle Lily and I."

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This post left me:

6 comments:

  1. "I wish people would make an effort to include my daughter because she is real and important."

    Oh how I've said this same thing many times. It hurts. (((hugs))) Sorry you experienced that.

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  2. people with only living children will never understand how hard it is to plan a birthday for a child that isn't there. they don't understand how we struggle because we want to do the same things that they're doing for their child but we can't.

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  3. I am so sorry this happened to you! I feel the exact same way! I wish people would understand that life begins at conception, and it doesn't matter how long they lived. Even if they never took a breath outside of the womb, they are living more than we are! They are living and celebrating in Heaven! Hugs to you, mama! <3

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  4. I'm so sorry this is how it all turned out, I could tell reading your other post that you were looking to that evening to remember and celebrate Lily... it hurts even more than when it is "expected" that no one will include your child...(like it is for me) I am glad you have a wonderful mother by your side who understands! ((hugs))

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  5. I am so sorry and hurt with you over this. I would have felt the same way. Very recently my twin sister wrote me an email asking me not to include James Collins, Jr or Reita Gale's names in our converstations anymore b/c it made her uncomfortable. I was hurt deeply and felt foolish that others in the real world cared. I have been on guard ever since. Thanks be to God for babyloss friends.
    (((Hugs to you))) Creating a beautiful balloon for Lily in just a few minutes!!!!

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  6. I am so sorry about this, dear Hannah Rose. <3 I have commemorated Lily on my blog and FB page today and I am wearing pink in her honor.

    http://forthelifeofthenation.blogspot.com

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