Thursday, March 27, 2014

Days Nobody Remembers

Days like today are the days nobody remembers. Nobody but me that is. Today is March 27th and to most, it's just another spring day. But, for me it will always be the day my daughter's body was layed to rest beneath the earth. To me, it will be the day I watched as her tiny white casket was covered with tears, rose and lily petals, and dirt. And I had to leave her there. I had to walk away, with a piece of myself in the ground. There's no way to describe the aching and the emptiness of that moment. My arms were lost. It was over...really, truly over.

There are quite a few of these days in my life. I don't blame others for not remembering. I mean, most people don't even know the specific dates that are so important to me. I wonder if I would even remember them if I didn't have such a vivid memory. When something of significance (and oftentimes things that aren't very important) happens in my life, I always remember the date, how I felt, what the weather was like, and oftentimes, even what I was wearing!

That can make the memories and the days nobody remembers sting even more. I replay all the tiny details that I can't seem to forget. But, maybe I don't want to forget. Maybe remembering makes Lily feel that much closer. And when the memories don't fade, it doesn't feel as much like I'm moving away from her...

Just to name a few of the days that are forever imprinted on my heart and mind...

February 13th, the day of my Valentine's baby shower.

March 14th, Lily's due date.

August 15th, the day I had an abortion set up at Planned Parenthood. The day the Lord intervened in my life and saved hers. The day that reminds me how my heart was changed forever with the LIFE of my little girl.

October 9th, the day I found out Lily was indeed, A GIRL! Though I knew in my heart already that she was my lil' flower.

March 26th, the day of her celebration of LIFE/memorial service.

March 27th, her burial...

These are the days that catch me off guard. These are the days that can hurt just as much as the days you'd expect to hurt...like birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, Easter. These are the days I think to myself, "this many years ago today, I was doing this..."

These are the days nobody remembers. Nobody but me. And the One who loves her more than I...

You can read all about this sacred day HERE.






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