Tuesday, March 4, 2014

"Lily Marks"

I have struggled a lot with having stretch marks on my stomach from pregnancy, with nothing to show for it. Other mothers who have these marks have a child in their arms to make up for it. A child that says this is where these marks are from and it was worth it.

I saw this picture on Facebook (not me) a while back that brought tears to my eyes. This is what it says:

"A mark for every breath you took, every blink, every sleepy yawn. One for every time you sucked your thumb, waved hello, closed your eyes and slept in the most perfect darkness. One for every time you had the hiccups. One for every dream you dreamed within me. It isn't very pretty anymore. Some may even think it's ugly. That's ok. It was your home. It's where I first grew to love you, where I lay my hand as I dreamed about who you were and who you would be."
These marks feel ugly at times to me, but truly they are a gift... they are a reminder that Lily really, truly was here. She lived, she was real, she matters. My womb was the only home she ever knew. My love and the love of Jesus is all she'll ever know. I call my stretch marks my "Lily marks" because they are the last physical reminder I have left that Lily grew within me for all those beautiful months. Those marks say I am a mother. They are a reminder of the sacred time I carried my girl. Lily was worth every mark. 

That was one of my fears when I first saw those little blue lines at 19 - how my body would change from pregnancy. I would choose LIFE again all over again, even if I knew from the beginning I'd end up with a completely different body than I had when I was a teenager. Even if I knew I'd end up with stretch marks and a child I hold in my heart, rather than my arms. A mark for every stretch, every yawn, every hiccup, every day of her brief but brilliant life... she is so worth it.


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