There was a fearful trepidation that resides within me for years, long before Harvest, and through the months she was in her mommy's belly. A fear of another baby taking Lily's place in my family (she is the first-born child/grandchild/great-granddaughter). A fear of pain gripping my heart and soul just being around another baby.
But through the months of our special relationship growing, with each time her face lights up when I walk in the room, how she waits in anticipation for me to look at her and squeals with delight when I do, how her little nose crinkles up because she's smiling so hard, how she nestles her little head into mine, how she plays with my Lily-locket and touches my Lily-tattoo. With how my family still talks about Lily and misses her too...
I realize that my fear was for nought.
The place Lily Katherine holds in our hearts and lives in impenetrable. It's all her own. It's shaped just for her.
Just as Harvest's is shaped for her.
And the more children that hopefully one day enter our family, there will be a space meant only for them too.
Because when God gives a life, He expands our hearts with the capacity to love that life beyond what we ever imagined.
This darling joy-bringing girl has somehow healed me in ways that only she has been able to. Her life has been and will continue to be a gift that God knew I needed, even before I did. Loving her is effortless.
Even though there are still tough moments, when Lily feels forgotten and I feel extra sensitive, God carries me through and reminds me of the truth that Lily is loved and remembered and safe forever with Him.
I am so excited to see how Harvest's relationship with her cousin will develop over time. I can't wait to hear Lily's name on her lips. I can't wait to hear her talk about Heaven and say things about her cousin that only a child can. ❤️ #mynumber2girl
I shared a prayer with a mama whose baby boy was the first-born in their family, and she's now experiencing similar fears as I did with her nephew's impending birth. For anyone in similar shoes, this is for you too: I know that it can be so hard and complicated. I pray that your relationship with this little one in your life will be surprising in how sweet it is for you, that he/she will have a special place in their heart for your baby, and that family will be gracious and loving with you, as a family's support can make all the difference.