Wednesday, March 1, 2017

My Tender Heart

I don't know if it's really happening more or just that my heart is more tender in the weeks leading up to March 16.

There are many conversations that take many different directions that all lead to the same place. Where either directly or indirectly, I'm told that I shouldn't feel as I do. That it's strange I feel as I do. That I have no right to feel as I do. That I'm "stuck" on something that shouldn't even be that sad.

Is there something wrong with me? Are they right?

Every piece of me aches with the knowledge of what March brought me 7 years ago. And what March will always bring me now... the deep longing for my girl.

If she had lived one day, one year, ten years, would she have mattered more to others? If she had been here to blow out her own candles, if we knew the sound of her voice, her interests, and her laugh, would she count more? Would she finally be seen as my irreplaceable CHILD, not a "pregnancy loss"?

Why does one have to put their own baby in the ground in the tiniest coffin that should never be in order to see? 😔 💔 


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