Monday, March 27, 2017

I Left Three Behind at the Grave

On this date 7 years ago, I left my little girl's tiny and perfect-but-without-breath 7 pound 9 ounce 21 inch body behind in a grave in a cemetery in Virginia.


I was thinking today that what made that day even more heart-wrenching was that I left not just one behind at that grave, but three...

I walked away from who I was before Lily. I walked away from who I might have been. So many facets of my being were utterly uprooted and transformed as a result of her death (and life).

And I walked away from her daddy, from him ever being in my life again. As I shared in a poem I wrote a few years ago:
"When her perfect heart stopped beating
The pulse of our love ceased too
I didn't just lose our little flower
I lost the both of you"

There were many endings on March 27th, 2010.

But what I have found in the years since that I couldn't see then is that on that same day, there were also many beginnings...

The beginning of Lily's legacy.

The beginning of an earthly ministry, born out of loss, and of course lots of love, for the glory of my King.

The beginning of the Lord weaving healing, restoration, and redemption so beautifully and unexpectedly, in such a way that would make me love Him more through the anguish of goodbyes and agony of regret.

On that early Spring day, I didn't see how Spring would one day inhabit my soul again. Like the sun causes flowers to bloom in Spring, the Son shined on this Rose's heart and caused it to bloom once more. In the midst of so many losses, He himself was and is my gain.

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." -Isaiah 43:19 💕🌸 🌹

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