Monday, March 27, 2017

Days Nobody Remembers

Days like today are the days nobody remembers... nobody but me that is (and a couple family members). Today is March 27th and to most, it's just another Spring day. But for me, it will always be the day my daughter's body was layed to rest beneath the Virginia earth. To me, it will be the day I watched as her tiny white casket, inside her cozy Moses basket, was covered with tears, rose and lily petals, and dirt. And I had to leave her there. I had to walk way, with a piece of myself in the ground. There's no way to describe the aching and the emptiness of that moment. My arms were lost. It was over... really, truly over. I was just barely out of my teens when I buried my baby.

As my friend Sandra who buried her baby daughter 16 years ago on this same date wrote, "I planted a seed in the ground in a cemetery that I must wait to see bloom in Heaven."

" ain't always what you think it ought to be, no; Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby. The sharp knife of a short life." -The Band Perry

This was one of the songs that was played at Lily's Burial Service. It was the final song, ending the Service on a hopeful note. That harmonica and those lyrics take me right back. I shared with JJ Heller what this song means to me and she actually responded.

"Your Hands" by JJ Heller
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh, Lord before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yeah, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still


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