Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Love at First Sight

7 years ago today.... the following is a little something I wrote to Lily for my pregnancy scrapbook:

On Monday, September 21, 2009 (cousin Anna's 14th birthday), I got my first glimpse of you, my precious little flower! Pulling into the LifeCare Pregnancy Center parking lot, my heart was pounding. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew that I was going to be a witness to the miracle of life. The very hand of God was at work within my womb, shaping and creating wonderful you, sweet baby. The Lord already knew you long before I knew I'd one day have a beautiful daughter named Lily Katherine. 

I had wanted to have an ultrasound in August at the pregnancy center in Charlottesville, but it didn't work out. I had wanted to have one the week before at LifeCare when I initially went in and had a pregnancy test, but had to wait. I was in my second trimester of pregnancy, at 15 weeks and 1 day gestation. I had longed for this day my entire life, the day that I'd see with my own two eyes that I was a mother. 

Your Grandmother, Auntie Em, and I went back to the little ultrasound room and I got up on the table. I had a 9:30 a.m. appointment. Hanging on the wall right across from me was a painting of a lily. My heart already knew you were a girl named Lily. I didn't need anyone to tell me that. Seeing the lily painting was like a sweet gift from the Lord, who knew your gender, name, and purpose already. My heart was bonding with your heart, little girl. A few months later, I went back into that same room where I saw you for the first time and the painting was gone. I found that strange and disappointing because I wanted to take a picture of it. Your name was imprinted on my heart. 

The cold gel was put on my belly and the wand started moving around. I held my breath in anticipation. There you were on that screen! You must have known we were watching you because you decided to give us a little show. You were dancing and squirming all over the place! Flip, flip, flop. Laughing, I joked, "if this is any indication of what's to come, I'm going to have my hands full!" You were so tiny, yet already so developed and full of life. You were my baby and I was amazed at what God was doing. I was amazed at the beauty and miracle of life. I was so happy to take home a couple ultrasound pictures - your very first photos!

the pages in Lily's scrapbook about the day of my first ultrasound

the frame I have with one of the ultrasound photos from the first time I saw Lily

Right after my appointment, my mom, little sister, and I went shopping. We went to J.C.Penney, where we looked at the baby stuff. I randomly saw these little ornaments with all different names and found "Lily." It's so special that I got it then, before any doctor told me she was a girl. One of the first things I got for Lily in general was this ornament, and how amazing that it has her name on it. It's one of my favorite of her ornaments, not because it's the prettiest, but because of the story behind it. 

I took several photos that day shopping with my bad-quality phone, to remember the things we were interested in getting. It was such fun shopping for our little Lily love, especially after seeing her for the first time. And I was certain she was a girl, so we looked at the girly things. :)

These are some of the photos of things we looked at that day. I got the onesies in the top/center photos, the little slippers in the bottom/left photo, and the pajamas in the top/left photo. That one says "I love hot cocoa" with a mug for the heart, and it was going to be in honor of my Bumma, who makes her famous mocoa cocoa for us, with part coffee and part cocoa. :)

We got this outfit at J.C.Penney that day... and Lily ended up being buried in it, underneath her outfit that bore roses for her mommy.

These are "the little brown shoes" that we got for Lily at Tuesday Morning. I'm not sure if we got them on the same day or not. Those little shoes held so much promise and potential for Lily's life. They sat on my dresser for months during my pregnancy and I loved looking at them and holding them, dreaming of my little girl filling them. She was buried in those little brown shoes. In this picture, the shoes are on top of the little pink blanket she was wrapped in at the hospital, which is in most of her photos. The blanket, along with the matching outfit and hat, is now in her memory chest.

This is the Moses Basket set we got for Lily at T.J.Maxx. This was literally the first purchase my mom ever made for Lily. She was so excited! We joked that if ever I couldn't find my mom in any store, I knew where to find her - in the baby section. Lily ended up being buried in this Moses Basket. It was a last minute decision, something I hadn't planned on beforehand, but now I am so thankful it worked out that way. That Moses Basket was hers, and could never be anyone else's. 


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