Do you want to know an incredibly freeing
Some people might think that is actually quite frightening, rather than comforting.... but you see, I know that when God does bring someone into my life, it'll be right. It'll be in His perfect time and way. It's comforting to know that I don't have to cause a man's heart to be stirred towards me. The God who created me and has called me to my purpose is capable of awakening our hearts to one another.
This man will love me because the God of love will give him HIS love for me. I don't ever have to pretend to be someone I'm not. And not only that, this man will not be intimidated by my ministry and calling. He will support me in it and will pray with and for me. I have struggled with thinking how could a man fall in love with me knowing about my past before he even gets to know me? Because there is so much more to me and it's difficult thinking he'll know the most raw and vulnerable parts of me before he even knows me. Not every man would want to pursue things with a woman with a "past," and someone who is so public about her story. But the man who God has for me will have grace. I wouldn't want a man who isn't Christ-like. The fact is, the man I marry will never even know who I once was, and a man who doesn't recognize that, I have no desire for anyways. The man I marry will love Lily... and Luke too. And he will see the beauty of redemption and the work of Christ in my life. He will see that I'm not a depressed person with all sorts of baggage.
As a friend of mine recently said to me, I can be faithful in sharing my story when God opens the doors and can have complete rest and freedom trusting that God is in control. When something does happen with a man, it'll so clearly be Jesus scripting the story. I have prayed that it will so evidently be HIM when and if it does happen and that my love story will be a reflection of the gospel.
There are well-intentioned people in my life who I know want the best for me. They feel sorry for me because I'm not married yet. Please don't feel sorry for me. If I were meant to be married right now, I would be. God holds my life and future in His hands. I trust Him and that He knows best for my life in the area of romance. Because you know what? In the past, I have made really stupid choices in the area of guys. Those guys were never meant to be my husband. I don't trust my own judgment in this area. I know that God will give me peace when the right person does come along, the one HE has chosen for me.
You might think it's irrational, unproductive, silly, naive, and maybe even a little stupid that I'm not "out there" trying to snag a husband. I'm not on any online dating website, I'm not in any singles groups, and I really don't want anyone to set me up with their friend, son, grandson, etc. Because the God who created romance and marriage is far more capable of finding a man for me than I am or anyone else. After all, He created him and me. And the man who will compliment me, and I him, is out there.... if marriage is what God has for me. How will a God-written love story look? I have no idea. Each love story is different, showing the creativity of the Lord.
A young woman named Krissy was asked as the years were passing by and no prospect of a man was in her life if she was called to a life of singleness. She thoughtfully responded, "today I am." Today, I know I am called to singleness. Will that be forever, I don't know. I hope not. But I also know that what God has for me, whatever it is, is best. And I wouldn't want marriage if it isn't His plan. I would rather be single forever than married to the wrong man. The kind of man that loves Jesus with his entire life and will be the right person for me is worth waiting for.
Even if time keeps passing and it appears as if nothing is happening, I know my God is working and is in control. And no matter the pressure, how it appears there are no guys in this generation that are single and worth waiting for, or the Lord's seeming distance in this area, I choose to trust. I want my life and love story to be proof to those in my life and to this world that God does care about every intimate detail of our lives... and that He does script beautiful love stories to this day.