Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Capture Your Grief ~ Day 25

Day 25: Finished Sentences
October 25, 2016 

Day 25. Finished Sentences: Finish these 5 sentences...

I wish _______________________________.

I remember __________________________.

I could not believe _____________________.

If only _______________________________.

I am _________________________________.

I wish... I knew you at age 6. I wish I could have known you at every age up until the age you'd be now. I wish I had more than a select few photos to share over and over. I wish the world would recognize your value the way I do.

I remember... how wonderful it was to have you here and all the adventures you had during your short life. How simultaneously tragic and amazing it was to have you in my arms for the first time. How perfectly formed and beautifully real you were, with those dainty eyelashes, eyebrows, nails already growing out, and a face with features just like your mommy.

I could not believe... you slipped away for no apparent reason after a beautiful and healthy pregnancy. That at age 20, I was thrust into a world of baby caskets, headstones, and what it felt like to leave the hospital with empty arms after a full-term pregnancy and being denied a birth certificate for the 7 pound 9 ounce baby you birthed because she didn't take a breath.

If only... I had delivered you a few days before. If only I had known about the importance of kick counts. If only I had a husband and another *living* child. I know that "I have to surrender my "if only's" to Jesus," as Corrie ten Boom wrote. I trust He sees and understands. And He withholds nothing good and nothing needed from my life. He holds my "if only's" and He is always enough.

I am... always and forever Lily's mother, even if that's invisible to the world. ❤️ 


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